Day 23

Somebody, quick, grab the defibrillator...Ready....and CLEAR!.....beeeeeeeep......one, two, three, four, five...breathe....beep...beep...beep...

Is my heart still beating? It can’t be. Aww crap. Yup...it is definitely beating...the varicose vein behind my right knee is still there. So, I know I am not dead. Because in Heaven, there will be NO varicose veins. And no hemorrhoids. And definitely no stretch marks.

Why all the drama you ask? Well, I weigh myself every Wednesday and Saturday. I thought I was going to get away without posting my weight last week, but of course, someone emailed me asking how much weight I have lost to date. Now, here is the truth. I have kept this little tiny detail a secret from you....ahh...here it is.... last Saturday, I went from 162lbs to 163lbs. Oh no....not again....DEFIBRILLATOR....PLEASE!

AHHHH! My trainer can’t figure out where the extra pound came from. And neither can I as I have followed the diet right down to the celery sticks. I am just going to believe that the pound is all the muscle that I am building. In fact, I know that all the work is paying off as I had to put on a belt today to keep my jeans up. So, maybe tomorrow morning the scale will hale good tidings of great joy. And if you see an obituary on my blog, you will know there were only bad tidings of great sorrow and the fat monster consumed me.

But I am not giving up!! I am right on track. And quitting now would be an utter shame. Head down. Eat clean. Work hard. And that is what I am doing. And that is what I will continue to do! I have beaten other things and I will beat this. If I can beat a drug addiction....oh crap...there...I’ve said it...it’s out....oh well....but if I can beat a drug addiction, then I can beat the fat monster. I know...“Shame, shame!”, shout the villagers. But think what you may.... Each one of us has a “kryptonite” and that one little weakness can bring down even the noblest of souls and even the most “super” of heros.

Besides, I am carefully designing my Fat Monster Slayer super hero suit. If I am going to be a super hero...then I must come dressed as one. Speaking of which... on the way home from the gym today, I slipped and glided all over the place. ICE, SNOW...ARGH! But as I turned the corner and into the driveway, I noticed our mail deliverer. He was sporting some pretty fancy ear muffs. I don’t think I have ever owned a pair of ear muffs. In fact, I think I am going to get me some and they will be a part of my super hero suit. Then I can be known as “Muffy, the fat monster slayer”. (I know...it’s totally original)...Saving one phat a$$... at a time....

Cheers!!

PS- Mary Mac’s Mother’s making Mary Mac Marry me tonight in Regina! And if I die on this highway today, please cry at my funeral. I want it to be really really sad. (Like weeping and tearing of clothing...really sad folks...that’s what I’m going for...and if you have to skype some peop’s in to add to the effect...I’m super kewl with that too...LOL). Th...th...th...th..that’s all folks!