Day 55

There are three things that are never satisfied...1. The grave, 2. The barren womb, 3. Fire....wait a second there are four.....4. My stomach. I am hungry. I blame the excess of calories from cheat day for my bottomless pit of a stomach today. Perhaps it was the aroma of popcorn and butter in the theatre today. Or maybe it was the home made chili, buns and the amazing assortment of desserts at the Roughrider party. It even could have been all the 'eating' that was going on around me. Regardless of what it was...my body is now paying for my one day of indulgence with the disagreeable after effects of junk food. And even though I have a strong affection for cheat day, I have really come to appreciate the benefits of eating clean.

Confession: I did not go to the gym today, however I will make up for it tomorrow by doing double duty. Simply put, I will be doing 40 minutes of cardio and a vigorous weight routine. All for the sake of losing one more pound. (insert groan here) One more pound in about a week's time. (insert another groan) Why must it take so long? And why is it I can gain that pound back in only a fraction of time it takes to lose it. Who's idea was this??? I want to talk to the manager!! Bring me your manager!!!

Where is Bob the Builder and his irritating theme song.....Bob the Builder, Bob the Builder...can he do it....yes he can!!! I need a peppy song to get me pumped up about the gym tomorrow. Right now I do wonder...can I do it? And the gym...well, I am already dreading it. And I already know that having this kind of attitude will push me off the weight loss wagon faster than you can say chunky monkey. I must remember my trainer's words in these times of peril. "Gym time is my time". Oh boy...that was weak. I am in serious and immediate danger of falling right back into the chunky monkey chubby pit if I start losing my enthusiasm. "My gym time is my time". There...that was a little better. "It is my time to look after my body...my aging body". YES!! I noticed today. My face. My face looks.....older.

Oh gawd...I saw lines in my face this morning that I have not noticed before. In fact, as I stood in front of the mirror, I almost had coronary when I smiled at myself and the laugh lines didn't go away. THEY DIDN'T GO AWAY!! They stayed!!!! And they have lingered all day!! The discovery of these lines has consumed me. Even in church when I should be thinking about God, I was thinking vain thoughts....I was thinking....God...help me for I am a woman whose face is marred by the deepening lines of middle age. Deliver me from this fate. There is no hope, my fate has been sealed...I am maturing. And since I had to pee three times during the service (I am sure you are all shocked) I had to pass by a mirror three times! That's right! The mirror is almost as nasty as the scale. Mirrors and scales...they are in the same category now. They both reveal the truth. They have no compassion, empathy and don't care how I feel. They always tell me the brutal truth. Couldn't they just say something nice for once?

They say that grey hair is a sign of wisdom. If that's true...then what are wrinkles a sign of??? And why are they deepening as I lose weight?! Ahhh...can I not have my cake and eat it to??? NO...not a real cake....a metaphorical cake! I can be fat and young looking or fit and old looking....what kind of a choice is that????

I will not lose hope. Tomorrow will be a new day. I will rise early in the morning...raise my sword and decapitate the head of my fat monster once more. For now, farewell my friends.