Day 49

In September, a dear friend (My otha Motha to be exact) recommended I read a book and offered to lend it to me. I promptly made a conscious decision to forget about the book and proceeded to leave it on the coffee table where it rested. While gathering my belongings to pack to come home, I glanced at it a couple of times and decided to thumb through it. Reading the first four chapters, I got nothing out of it but admitted it had the potential to be a good read. Placing it back on the coffee table, I left it behind.

Weeks later, the book showed up in the mail. It was carefully wrapped in a bag that also contained a bracelet, some freshly washed underwear and my Maui Jims that I had forgotten in Toronto. Finding the book amidst the other forgotten items, it was another not so subtle reminder to read the book....the book my friend thought I should read. Isn’t that a little presumptuous? ;) So, after letting the book sit on my nightstand for more than two months, I decided to just read it and get it back to my persistant friend.

I began the book on Friday on the way to Edmonton and finished it today on the way home. It has set me into a tail spin to say the least and I find myself evaluating my entire life. The last fifty or so pages held my heart and mind captive and the tears shed... skillfully washed the makeup clean off my face. Hiding behind my sunglasses, I concealed the tears and runny nose that its carefully written words produced. We stopped in Brooks to pee (go figure) and I quickly found the washroom in the gas station so that I could “clean” my face up before my husband realized I had been crying.

Yes, I know, he will discover that I cried for the last 30 minutes before our arrival into Brooks when he reads this post. However, I have never enjoyed crying and work very hard at doing it subtly. It is better that he find out that I cried than for him to witness it first hand as he has never handled my tears very well. It seems to make him feel helpless and bring a sobriety to the “mood” in the car. Since the RoughRider Game is on, I don’t want to take anything away from the excitement and anticipation of the CFL Western Final. And with that said, “Go Riders”!!

This book could not have come to me at a better time in my life. Why all the emotion you ask? My reaction of tears is because I can relate to some of the experiences and concepts in the book and to my surprise, a flood of emotions erupted as a result. This is not at all bad. Part of slaying the fat monster in my life means dealing with those deep-rooted issues that secretly hold my heart and thighs of thunder captive. The fat monster is only a symptom of something deeper. I know I’ve said it before, but I will say it again. Our struggles are not with flesh and blood but they are with the deep wounds, ideologies and paradigms molded by our childhood and life experiences. When the opportunity to release emotion rears it’s ugly head, it is okay to let out our tears as our tears are our god-given physical release from stress and a way to enter into healing and wholeness. They allow our bodies to deal with stress and our ever so touchy feelings in a healthy manner. Withholding tears, is crippling for me physically....a lesson learned only a few short moons ago. Since there was no bathtub for me to retreat to in order to cry...I cried behind my shades. Sometimes, that is why I wear my sunglasses at night. ;)

There is a long list of dreams and people (listed in tomorrow's post) that I am passionate about. And with each passing day I realize 3 things to be true. 1. People are more important than things. 2. Being intentional can change the entire direction of a project, relationship and even a dream. 3. Failures are absolutely essential to succeeding. And since I have failed at many many things, relationships included, I can only say that my failures are paving the road to my ultimate destiny....success.

And since I am looking at the glass as half full...I can only ask myself one question. Why the heck am I looking at a glass that is half full. I can have a glass that is full to brim and overflowing with good things. Good health, great relationships and prosperity for the sole purpose of sharing it. (some of my dreams)

See fat monster!! You thought that you were winning. Well, you were wrong! It is often darkest before the light. In the moments before dawn, the night sky is black and void of life....but at the end of darkness.....comes the most amazing and brilliant part of the day. And since I am in the dawn of my life, approaching mid-day....I am just beginning to experience the wonders of creation. Metaphorically speaking.....of course.

Cockadoodle doo!! Time for me to wake up and smell the coffee! Thank you Otha Motha for being persistent and encouraging me to read this book. Thank you to all of you for sharing this journey with me and following my blog...it means so very much to me!

I will not disclose the name of the book publicly as I feel it is essential for a human being to be in the right place to really get it. Isn’t that a life law...you either get it or you don’t? If you really want the name because you will read it and embrace it or maybe even think about just reading it....email me at andrea@widemouthmedia.com and I will tell you the name of the book. If I can encourage you to do one thing, it is to look into the mirror and really assess accurately who you are and how others see you.

See you tomorrow night!! Goodnight bloggosphere!!!

Andy :)