Cottage Cheese

It has come to my attention that I have fallen off the blog wagon so hard that it hurts. However, I didn't just fall off the blog wagon...I fell off the working out wagon too. So, I have decided to begin again. It doesn't matter if I fall off the wagon so long as I get back on it again. So, I may need a bit of a boost....but I am getting back on. It may be a wee bit more complicated this time as I am single parenting however, I am not going to let anything stop me. Not even my screaming lungs, my thunderous thighs or my whining tummy. I shall conquer this!

When legs begin to resemble cottage cheese...one realizes that one has got to get back on the wagon!! Tanning and working out....it is time!! Oh Gawd!!! Au Revoir wine....and chocolate chip cookies!!! Helloooooo gym!!!!

I'm Back!

Good morning sunshine...the earth says hello!! Welcome to the roller coaster thrill ride of Andrea's weight loss adventure....we go up...we go down....up up up.....dooowwwwnnnnn. Does it ever end? Okay...I have been off the wagon. However, due to a whole lot of stress...all I can say is....I am back on the fitness wagon.

I don't even want to know how much I weigh. And NO. I am not going to weigh myself. I don't want to injure the scale. It's back to the gym. Back to 4 Litres of water a day. Back to peeing constantly. Back to tuna and rice crackers. I know it's bad because just at the thought of crackers...I think of cracker jacks. You know...the childhood favorite snack that had a prize in every box. Maybe it's Cracker Jacks that is to blame for the constant weight struggle. Perhaps, it is similar to Pavlov's dogs. In fact, I am salivating just thinking about it. Today, I will have my shake, oatmeal and orange. I wonder if there is a prize in my protein shake mix...hmmm.....

In the mean time...I am covering up all the full length mirrors in my house. I do not have any need to see the damage that has been done over the last couple of months. Eating healthy and exercise equals good body and improved health. If only I can remember this the next time I see a cookie....hmmm....cookie....slim legs.....cookie.....smaller size....cookie.....ahhhh COOKIE!!

En Route to Vegas

We left late. We missed our turn. We are staying in a hotel that reminds me of the Shining. I think the two little girls saying "Come and play with us" and the mad men scratching redrum into the wall gave it away. The elevator is right out of the tower of terror. The phone is one step up from a rotary phone. There is goo on the wall. I am sleeping in sweat pants, socks and a tshirt to prevent my skin from touching the icky bed linens. The tp dispenser in Fuddruckers would not allow me access to tp. The strawberry milkshake I had went right through me. I now smell like Fuddruckers. And the pillow is as fluffy as a sheet of paper. Sigh....'tis a cheat day I shall not forget. And the adventure begins...

Tip: Eat less. Avoid Fuddruckers.

On again...Off again...ON again!

Hello...cyber friends!! And as they say on Poltergeist..."They're back"...er ummm..."I'm back"!! So, I fell off the wagon. It happens. I am not going to beat myself up for it. And to be honest, I have been avoiding blogging because "you're always watching" and since I made a cyber oath that I would always be honest, well, I didn't want to face all of you...in cyber world. You may be irritated with me about this but "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn". In the midst of emotional upheaval and turmoil, well, the last thing I have wanted to do is go to the gym. However, being away has helped me to realize that this is the very time that I NEED the gym. Kind of like advertising...except different..."In good times we should exercise, in bad times we MUST exercise". On again...off again...I am going to beat this!!

And so I have learned this lesson, the hard way. And so I say to you chunky monkey...you may have won a battle...but I will win this war. And in the words of...umm..some big guy in the movies...oh yeah...Arnold...."Hasta la vista, baby!". And even though I have snuggled up to my chocolate bar late at night...whispering...."My precious"....I will not let my past cripple my future...nor will I snuggle up to a chocolate bar, stroke it nor allow it to consume me....I mean allow me to consume it. Ugggh...(insert tears)...abs of steel, abs of steel, where for art thou, abs of steel????

The only thing that can bring comfort right now besides chocolate is...umm...ya...every girl has got it...you know...if you dig deep down...way down into the bottom of your purse, you are sure to find it. That's right. On the best of days, on the worst of days....lip gloss can make you feel like a princess again. You pull out the applicator, purse your lips and apply a thin layer of shine. Nothing makes a girl feel like a girl again like lip gloss!! Well, at least that's how it makes some of my friends feel...I can't say that it's done the same for me...but heck...I am willing to try anything at this point. Okay...not ANYTHING...you know...anything within reason.

I have three months to whip my rear into shape for a marathon....ha ha...okay...the 10K run in my home town. So, it's time to kick some chunky monkey kiester...right outta da kitchen!!

Mmmmm.....I love salad. (sarcasm intended). Did I mention that I am in Vegas next week...for work?? Sigh!!! How do you train and eat right in Vegas??? They don't sell "salad" in Vegas...do they?? Anybody have any tips?

Ladies Weightloss - Sandra Davis

Check this out!! If you are trying to lose weight and need some help....I highly recommend this!!!

Hang in there folks...Chunky Monkey returns to you....on Monday!!!! :)

Chunky Monkey Episode 3

Chunky Monkey wears a bathing suit...UGGGG!!!

The quest for the After......

A fellow blogger, creator of Snappy Socks and an amazing entrepreneur and friend shares her struggles...check her out! This is one amazing lady!!!

Hormone Injections...Back From The Dead!

CBC hails the headline "Hormone Injection Diet Raises Cautions". Ha! A diet fad from the 70's is rearing it's ugly head again. The idea that the quick fix to obesity and over eating is a magic pill or an injection lives on. It's alive....ALIVE!! It is shocking to me that we are still grasping at straws and want to pull a magic lever that will make all our fat melt away. I totally understand wanting a quick fix...but in my experience...a quick fix....is just that....a quick fix...then it's right back to "the way we were". And as much as I have wanted to just push a button and have my body transform into a super hard...hot body....I have discovered that the old fashioned way of eating healthy and exercising is the best solution. I also know...it is just not that simple. There is something deeper happening....everyone would be fit and healthy if it was easy. So what's the problem?

My theory: There are cycles and patterns in everyone's life. Some good, some bad. I can't always see the pattern in my own life and how I contribute to it. No more than you can see how you contribute to your own cycles and patterns. Sometimes we need someone to help us out and be that mirror that reflects the truth.

That may have happened to me last night. Maybe someone told me the truth and pointed out a pattern in my life. Ahhh!! And maybe I didn't like it. And I might have told them so. However, I think I might have needed to hear it. This may or may not have happened. ;) (Gawd...it stung like a bee...it's still burning...kind of like acid...slow...you don't feel it right away....and then WAMO!!! It get's ya....deep).

Anyways..........there is no procrustean solution to the struggle with weight. Get to the root. Pull it out. Eat healthy. Exercise. Get a support group. Pay someone to hold you accountable. And after days, months and years....you will be fit and healthy. Ahhh...crap...that sounds exactly like a procrustean solution. Well...darn it...just try it.

Side note: ....every time I turn on the Brier....I see a Tim's cup in the ice. Every time they throw a rock....I see the cup.....that brown little cup...with the good good coffee in it......and I know it's roll up the rim time.........and then I want one!!! NO...I have to have one!!! I can't relax until I get one. Do the marketing people at Tim Horton's know that their coffee is my kryptonite? Ahhhh!! I have to stop watching curling...cuz it's making me a coffee addict!!!

I am going to go to bed now, only to lay there awake because I had coffee about an hour ago. And then I will lay there in my bed wide awake and think about how dumb it was to get a coffee after the hockey game. Then I will get up at 6:30 a.m., make coffee because I am so tired....get the kids off to school and then stop at Timmies for another coffee on the way to work...because it's roll up the rim time....and I need to juice up to stay awake. And then I will come home and turn on curling...and then want a coffee...and....well...you get the picture!!! Ahhh!!! I should drink coffee before I run...do you think that will help???

Night night!!! Sincerely, Buzzed Chunky Monkey

PS-Bachelor Drama

I bailed early after seeing the unbelievable drama on the Bachelor last night! I may have to ditch the Bachelor and stick to the ever so dark drama of Mad Men. I even had to have some popcorn after watching the show because I was so disgusted with the host who looks like he can hardly stop himself from smiling. It's the bachelor's fault that I am fat!! And why shouldn't he smile...the drama is making him rich!! Why can't I capitalize on someone else's drama and disfunction?? Oh right, I have a heart! I guess I am just going to have to sell something people are addicted to....darn you Starbucks!!! Oh and Happy International Women's Day!!

Floor Hockey Princess Needs Tigerblood

What was I thinking? After receiving a desperate plead for help in the form of a text message at 11 pm Friday night, I agreed to brutalize my body all for the sake of a floor hockey tournament. It would have been okay if it was a women's league however, I hit the floor hockey floor with a mixture of mostly men and a few women. When I walked into the gymnasium at 9:30 Saturday morning....I realized what I had actually agreed to. Upon seeing the gigantic men and seasoned hockey women grace the ball hockey floor....I quivered with fear.

Having no choice, I had to play. I was tossed a Superman shirt and a sweaty hockey glove. I opted out of the sweaty hockey glove. And only one word comes to mind at the stench of the worn, disgusting, full of some boy's hand sweat.....EWWWWW!! I couldn't do it. It was swarming with bacteria and I would not subject my princess hand to the likes of it.

We lost our first game. It was discouraging to say the least. However, we made a huge come back in our second game and it raised our spirits enough to kick some butt on the gymnasium floor. I only bruised my thumb, arm, elbow, knee, shins and rib cage. And I only fell to ground once after bouncing off of a huge man who didn't even notice my princess body bounce off of him. The elbow to the nose did not draw any blood so I bounced back from that pretty good too.

After losing our first game, their star female player came over to talk to me. After cheering me up and giving me a pep talk...she called me a princess. GASP! I was horrified and tried to explain to her that I was beating the chunky monkey in me, worked out very diligently, ate well and would be running a half marathon. So I am NO princess. (I have some princess qualities but I am not one. I swear to you!) She then told me that I was a princess on the ball hockey floor. BUT.....BUT if I got a goal in our fourth game, she would remove my princess status and give me hard core hockey girl status. I had only known this girl in the heat of a ball hockey game and a few minutes on the sidelines and she had already tapped in to how I am motivated.

So, after four, 40-minute ball hockey games....in which my lungs burned, thighs quivered and butt hurt....I wished I had declined the invitation to play!! However, we WON the C-side and we were awarded some pretty non-princess type toques. I wanted to smoke the girl who hacked the heck out of my shins and of course pummel the guy who hit a slap shot at close range right into my rib cage (there is still a large bruise and welt)...but the good news is.....my team prevailed. AND....I got a goal at which point the seasoned female hockey veteran ran over to me, high-fived me and donned me with the high honor of floor hockey goddess!!!

The bad news...my body is hurting so bad I couldn't get to the gym Sunday or yesterday...but today....I am on it. I still can't bend over, my back hurts, my butt hurts, my calves hurt...actually the only thing that doesn't hurt is my head. And I am a rainbow of colors from all my bruises. I think I want to be a princess again. Or I would be cool with being Lady Gaga too!! Maybe I need some of that #tigerblood Charlie Sheen was talking about!!

Back to the gym....ughhh.

Andy :)

ps- Hot Dogs

I have to say that the hot dogs were absolutely delicious at the Scotties. I even have some pictures to prove it....of course, I am not sure whether I should post the pictures of the hot dog culprits or not....hmmmmm.......

Andy :)

Over the Weight Restriction!?

I am home!! It wasn't easy but I made it. And I am officially a chunky monkey. I am terrified to get on the scale. It was 11 days of fun. And spending most of those 11 days with my bestie on the other side of the country made saying good bye really difficult. I am such a suck some days.

I am certainly ready to eat clean and get back to the gym. I feel like I've been on a 10 day food bender. I don't regret it one bit but getting back to the basics is going to feel really really good. I know I did some damage.

Wednesday afternoon I was scheduled to fly home. Who am I kidding....I was leaving home to fly back here where I live. Anyways, I said my goodbye's and rushed into the airport. After a not so pleasant check in as the...let's just call the airline Fair Panada for the sake of saving them the embarrassment....anyways, the Fair Panada rep was having difficulty figuring out how to process my credit card for my additional bag. This is all together dumb in my opinion...but oh well. $20 for a second bag...that I need because I can't put my "liquids" in my carry on. Because I am most certainly "terrorist" material and therefore need to go through the hassle. And of course, you can't just include the second bag in the seat fare. That would be wrong! Needless to say, the delay at check in made me a little late. The security line was full of people and after skipping ahead of a few people and making them angry, I found my way to the front. Look...nothing was going to stop me from getting on my plane. So I thought!!

ANYWAYS, after having my hands swabbed...yes...they swabbed my hands at security...probably because I look like a "weed" smoker and a blow sniffer...Gawd...really?...you are really swabbing my paws?? Sup wit dat lady?? She made me feel dirty. Where was I...oh yes...after being terrorized at security I quickly reassembled my bag that they had so abruptly searched. Like really...do I really look like a threat? So, I put my bag back together and rushed down the escalator because now I am really really late. I ran past someone standing on the escalator and almost knocked them off with my bag that was hanging over my shoulder. My bad...oops. Well, I was minutes from boarding my aircraft...no time to spare. Get out of the way!!!

After arriving at my gate, I approached the rep at the gate desk and asked if I had enough time to use the washroom before boarding the plane. The rep did not even look up from his desk and curtly told me that my plane was not even at the gate. Feeling a little unhappy with the treatment I received, I went and used the washroom. And yes, I washed my freshly swabbed hands. Upon my return, an announcement was made for a gate change. Noticing a struggling elderly lady pushing her own wheelchair while the airline reps walked past her, I helped the lady find the gate as she was noticeably upset and stated she did not know where to go. I don't think she could see...poor little thang! After getting her settled, I sat down and was interrupted by yet another announcement. The rep announced that the now delayed flight had been oversold, the aircraft was carrying additional fuel and due to high winds...there was a weight restriction. She then announced pre-boarding. I watched other people who paid money for their seat just like me board the airplane. I approached the desk and the airline attendant looked me in the eye and said, "I'm sorry ma'am...but due to a weight restriction, I cannot permit you to board the aircraft".

Feeling a little disgruntled, I realized that my 10 day food bender must be bad if I am too fat to get on the damn aircraft. I saw other people who are clearly larger than me board the plane. Why me?? What about the pudgy little boy who is as wide as he is tall who just got on....why was he allowed to board. And what about the lady who you know...was...you know....bigger. Come on...admit it...if an airline attendant looked at you and said you can't board because of a weight restriction....one does have to wonder....is it really because there are too many people....or is it because I had wine....and chocolate frequently. I wanted to put my fingers around her throat and demand that she tell me the truth. I can take it. Come on...tell me!! Tell me I'm fat!! Just spit it out you skinny little beeotch. As my mind drifted off into a very ugly scenario....the flight attendant interupted me...ma'am....excuse me ma'am....

Snapping out of my daydream, I made my way to the customer service desk. Yikes!! Looking at the line up, I explained to the other delayed and inconvenienced passengers what just happened in my mind. Well, I caused some trouble as the line up of people were laughing and carrying on so much that the already disgruntled customer service rep got even uglier! Ooops!! I am just p-ing off everybody today.

Awww...it wasn't so bad. I spent another night in my "second home", had some chocolate, watched American Idol and drifted off to sleep. Gawd...it's back to the gym on Sunday!!!!!! And eating clean...well...it's kind of like that song by White Snake....."here I go again"! I have to get fit and fast as I am off to Vegas in a month. And before you curl your lip and frown at me....it's for work!!! I can prove it!!!

Night bloggosphere!!

Sincerly, Chunky (Over the Weight Restriction)

Chunky Monkey in TO

Good Morning Y'all!!

The Scotties ended with a great big shin dig in the Heart Stop Lounge as Saskatchewan's very own, Amber Holland kicked Team Canada's.....ummm...er....bottom!! Anyways, leaving PEI was tough as I made some good friends there. From the beauty of the architecture to the friendliness of the people, PEI is a great place to visit and I highly recommend it.

Nothing to crazy happened at the Scotties. Well, some things were very memorable...and perhaps, a wee bit crazy. I don't know what I will remember more....the 68 year old woman going through menopause who sat beside me or our "neighbor" who shared an adjoining door to our hotel room.

The elderly lady who sat beside me was having hot flashes all through the SK game on Friday night. She had her socks off and her pant legs rolled up to her knees. Maybe it was the fact that we were watching a "winter" sport or perhaps, it was the fact that we were in a COLD rink that she caught my attention. She was carrying on and on about how hot she was. Using her program she fanned herself constantly. She was a very sweet lady...but even sweet ladies get carried away once in a while. Are you wondering why I said that? Well, after she told the announcer that if he gave her a few more minutes she would strip right down to her bra, I decided she was a wee bit krazy. Of course, he laughed and I contemplated suicide. That's all I need!! To sit next to a half naked old woman who doesn't know when to keep her pants on! Of course, the moment he walked away she said she was embarrassed and shouldn't have said that. WHATEVER!!!!! You liked it you shameless hussy!!

Anyways, my hotel neighbor gave us much entertainment as we were witnesses to some very disturbing conversations late into the night...or shall I say early in the morning. We actually knelt at the adjoining door with our heads pressed up against it so we wouldn't miss a thing. I don't know how he didn't hear us as our muffled laughs were hardly muffled! It was honestly, the funniest thing that happened through out the entire week! It was also better than any trash tv reality show....something like the bachelor...except...worse!

Confession: I ate a hot dog. I like it. I liked it ALOT!!

Today I am back in TO. I am currently "working" in Starbucks. It is tough. I am drinking green tea......yum.....And since I have fallen off the blog wagon and the eating wagon and the exercising wagon, I am happy to say...I am back on!!!

Confession: I only went to the gym 3x last week.

Check out our latest episode of chunky monkey tv.....Episode 2.

Andy :)

PEI

Good morning!!

I am in Prince Edward Island for the Scotties!! I hope to update you all soon. I am hoping to get to the gym today so that the fat monster doesn't one up me!!

Andy :)

Your Baby Is Ugly Part II

Anyways, after my toast and protein shake, I fell fast asleep....(while visions of chocolate bars danced in my head). I missed my 5th meal yesterday and I am sure that is why I was starving in the middle of the night.

Anyways, it's weigh day tomorrow. The truth will be told. Sometimes, you just have to tell someone that "their baby is ugly" (Robert Carignan). Sometimes, we need to hear the truth. And it makes that old adage so much more powerful...you shall know the truth and the truth will set you free. The truth, in my case, shed light on how out of control my weight had gotten. I needed the sobering brutality of it to yank me back into reality.

And since the decisions we make now pave the road to our future, it is important to make our decisions based on logic and not emotions. Our emotions and feelings often betray us. It is usually easier to make our decisions based on our feelings however, we often pay the price for it. Logic should rein. Therefore, the next time I look at valentine's day chocolates....I will not eat one. I will not give in. My feelings on Feb. 14th betrayed me and I ate a single chocolate. Fat Monkey 1, Skinny Monkey 0. Oh well...we live to play another day!!

Anyways, I need to get some packing done, finish my article and respond to some emails. (All the while eating my "healthy" food!! (And my rib cage is screaming...I've been doing 120 situps/core exercises on weight training days this week....UGGGH).

Check this out!

Sincerely,

Chunky

Your Baby is Ugly Part 1

Yesterday was a complete gong show! I had meetings scheduled in the thriving metropolis of Gull Lake, SK. Great little town by the way...and fantastic coffee at the local coffee shop! Jo and I thought our meeting was at 9.am. however, we were wrong. Our meeting was not until 10 a.m. and good thing!! We had no idea where the community hall was. We drove all over Gull Lake looking and asking local folks where it was. Anyways, we FINALLY found it....in about 15 minutes as Gull Lake isn't that big. Realizing we were early, we decided to go for coffee.

The small coffee shop brought back memories of my home town. And that is like opening a whole other can of worms. I still have some very sentimental feelings towards the people of Ponteix and will always remember it as my home. In fact, my grade 8 french teacher is now the mayor of the town. I am still a little afraid of her...but she is a good woman!

Anyways, the faint remnants of the smell of smoke permeated the coffee shop as it was not that long ago that Sakatchewan became "smoke free". It's funny how smells bring back memories. Of course, the stale odor of cigarette smoke instantly reminded me of my pa. He smoked for most of my childhood. I still love the smell of a freshly lit smoke as it always triggers memories of my dad. As sick as it sounds, I usually breathe it in...with a big deep breath. I always remember what it felt like to sit on his knee. He would bounce me around and I thought he was the most amazing man in the world. I was the apple of his eye and he always made me feel special. Just a great big teddy bear...that smelled like smoke...LOL. A teddy bear that always had a cig and a diet coke in his hand. Often on his way to teach the rotten grade seven students Science, baseball and photography at the local high school, he always smiled at me in a way that lit up my life. Weekends with him were often spent fishing, hunting, smoking and marking papers. That was my dad.

Anyways, I had to pack all my "healthy" food for the meeting as they were having pizza and caesar salad at lunch. Oh and did I mention Tim Horton's coffee and muffins. MMMM!!! None of which...I can have. So, I ate my rice cakes while everyone else indulged. My inner fat monkey was not very impressed...but she is slowly starving to death...snicker!!

At least I thought she was! She woke me up...actually....she prevented me from sleeping until about 2:30 a.m. last night!! I was SO hungry that I tossed and turned. Finally giving in to the cry of my tummy, I arose from my bed and drifted down to the dark kitchen. Desperate to stop the grumble of my screaming stomach, I made myself some toast and a protein shake. Probably not the best thing to eat...but hey...it's better than a chocolate bar.

Ahhh....to be continued...the camera crew is here.....stay tuned!!

Ps-

Weigh day today....down to 152 lbs....woooo!!! Almost forgot...phew!!

Mommy Hell

Ahh! Ka-razy day!! I have not stopped for a break today. Okay, I've stopped to pee and eat...but that is it!! Trying to get everything done before I take off for a little more than a week. And I still have to squeeze the gym in!! Legs and shoulders today....and running.......and tanning...........and blogging............and kids........................and lunches................................and another crazy day tomorrow.

It's no wonder I've gotten fat!! No time!! And you know what they say...all work and no play makes chunky monkey really snarly!!! The fat little monkey has sharp teeth so beware!!

Oh and in an attempt to teach my children good health...I am making macaroni and cheese for dinner. I am sure I am going to rot in mommy hell for this. It is probably the worst choice for my precious angels. Of course, it is their favorite...but there is honestly, no nutritional value to it! And they would have chocolate cake for dinner if I let them. Heck, I'd have chocolate cake for dinner!! But since chocolate cake is a major no-no...well...mac and cheese for the kids and something disgustingly healthy for me. Yay...rabbit food!! And now the water is boiling over!!! AHHHH!!!!! Oh and the dog is throwing up. GREAT!!

And as Elmer Fudd would say....ahh...nevermind. Eden is gagging now!

Birthday BS

What am I supposed to say about birthdays?? I want to be all optimistic about it...but here I sit...literally (ask Joanne)... groaning and freaking because I don't know what to say. On one hand, I would like to skip blogging all together today because it is the day of my birth and I am not thrilled about it and on the other hand I need to blog...cause it is a way for me to get all the "crazy" out of my head. So, you will just have to take what you get today. Beware!!!

Birthday's often feel empty to me. What are we celebrating....really? I am a year older. There is nothing to celebrate about that. Things sag more, there are more lines in my face, the twinkle in my eye is not so...shimmery....SIGH. And I would love to indulge in all the "fun" things a girl can do on her birthday. Unfortunately, in my experience that involves food and beverage....and I cannot indulge as I have a race to run. Maybe I will shop!!! :D

My friend threw my a really nice shin dig on the weekend which resulted in a multitude of great gifts. Jo and I are going for lunch in five minutes. My brother sent me flowers. My mom dropped off a present. Jo brought me an amazing candle. The phone has rang and my crazy friend sang happy birthday to me as well as emails and fb notes...so I guess it is a pretty good day! Brad is making dinner for me tonight...so nice!! And my girls have something planned for me after school today. As long as it doesn't involve corn flakes with chocolate chips in it...I will be happy. That was what they did for me Saturday morning! BLEH! So, I guess today is pretty good, considering.

Did I mention that I am now registered for my first marathon? Ugggh!! Dropping the registration form on the office assistant's desk made me feel so much more.....committed. Gawd...I have HUGE commitment issues as it is. I hate committing to anything and anyone. And now, I have committed in ink to run in a race. Can the Chunky Monkey do it?? As Bob the Builder says, "Can she do it"......fat shoulder monkey says, "NO, we can't". Shut up you monkey glutton!! I can do it! (oh gawd...I hope I can do it).

(Don't ever call me your bff...that makes me throw up in my mouth...and run away...FAST. I can be your bff...just don't use that term. SEE...commitment issues. Whenever someone has said that in the past, I sabotaged the relationship faster than you can say....bff.)

Did I mention that the fat little monkey on my shoulder told me that I should have a piece of chocolate cake today? And if that is too much then a chocolate chip cookie would be fine. AHHH! No fat little monkey! You shut up!! No cookies, no wine....NO cake!!!

I hit the gym yesterday and hard. I did my ball exchanges as fast as I could again. I also did supersets for chest and biceps and honestly, I thought I was going to die. All for the sake of slaying the fat monster right. Ugggh. My body hurts today. My triceps are still sore from Saturday...can you believe that?! Just letting my arms hang down hurts!!

Anyways, I am not falling off the wagon today. Back to the gym!!! No more of this birthday bs. Going to eat clean and then run my chunky a$$ off!!

Andy

Woe is me!

Happy Valentine's Day to all of you. With that said, I am feeling very anxious as this is the third day in a row that I have been sick.........in the morning. I didn't think much of it...until of course...today!

Early this morning, I frantically wrote out valentine's cards with my girls so that they had something to share with their classmates (I know...mother of the year). Jael set her alarm for 6:45 am just so she could get a head start. By the time I got out of the shower, she was 3/4 of the way finished.

So Eden and I wrote them out as fast as possible. As I sat there with my innocent 8 year old...I struggled to keep some horrible memories out of my head. Looking at her innocence and purity, it is hard to believe she said what she said.

A LONG time ago...she sort of accidentally interupted Brad and I. She opened the door and without even flinching (we were involved but not exposed...get your minds out of the gutter) she said, "oh...you guys are sexing. Trying to make a baby eh? No problem with me". Then she closed the door and left. I of course crawled into the fetal position and contemplated suicide. TOTAL mood killer. Brad laughed. I died. And the evening came to an abrupt end. And all her comments flooded into my head as we sat at the table this morning...how come she didn't flinch...my innocent little baby girl didn't even flinch. AHHH! I don't know what spurred the memory....but it made for a stressful morning. (Note: This happened a long long long time ago. Just thought you should know that.)

Giving my head a shake so I could focus and not re-live the horror, I got their skates, helmets, lunches and backpacks ready and sent them out the door. It was a race to get ready today!! Of course, when I was finally ready...the dog decided he was not going into his kennel so I played "cat and mouse" or rather "fat lady chasing irritating little dog" for 15 minutes. Finally, arriving at work, I started up the stairs to my office. It was then that it hit me. OMG!!! Please oh please oh please...I hope I just have the flu and nothing else!! If I am sick again tomorrow...well...I will just try to not think the worst. Ugggh!! Maybe that's why I am craving cookies...AHHHHH!!! (off to the pharmacy for a test!) Maybe I am just taking this too far....relax Chunky...you probably just have the flu...stop thinking the worst....(sniff, sniff, sob, sob) I never exaggerate....ever.

Anyways, I missed my run yesterday as I was...umm...not feeling well. I did feel much better by late afternoon and hit the hockey game with Brad. Of course, he ate a rink burger and fries right in front of me. This is probably the first time that I didn't long for the greasy disgustingness of a rink burger and fries as he indulged beside me. My stomach is not itself...I guess that's a good thing...I think. Hopefully all the vomiting will result in some weight-loss. I guess you could say (thank you Mark) that I am only two flus away from my goal weight!

This week, I will have to squeeze my big run in. Uggh! And the week is crazy to say the least. And my chest is sore...and my stomach is upset....and I'm grumpy. Oh and did I mention that much to my surprise...I have arm pit fat!!! Who the heck makes the bras these days?! Gawd...no wonder I stand in front of the mirror in the morning crying and scowling at my sagging aging body. Every girl at some point in her life has to face the fact that she has back fat, arm pit fat and well...gravity is starting to show it's effects. I blame it on breast feeding a baby or two...it completely destroys your body. Or is it age? Or is it both? Come on girls...you were once perkier...PERK UP!!

Wow!! I am a complete optimist today. What can I say...it's Monday! Off to the gym later to work chest (oh the irony of this) and biceps...as hard as possible so that I can moan and groan as I soak in my tub of very hot water and bath salts while hoping that I am not "with child". All for the sake of beauty!!! Okay...not beauty...but for health. For feeling better. For being a good example. My trainer tells me that working my chest will keep me perky. WELL, I AM ALREADY LOSING THE PERKY BATTLE...AHHHH! Woe is me!!!

Okay...rant over. Happy Cupid's Day!

Sincerely, Chunky.

Give me a cookie!!!!!

Sleepless in Swifty

Not one wink of sleep for me last night! I was sleepless in Swifty. However, it wasn't a night where I wrestled with something in my head. I spent most of the night just thinking about my relationships and how much I appreciate my support group. And yes, I am sentimental so it kept me awake...all night. Each hour passed and I reflected on what I have learned even in the last week. When I consider the people God has brought into my life...just for me...I count myself blessed over and above all I could hope, think or ask for. My sleep was not a cold, restless, sleepless night...more like a warm, whole, restful, sleepless night. Krazy...I know. But so true!

My entire journey that began three years ago has completely erupted into a mobius strip experience. I feel like the prisoner who left Plato's Cave for the first time. It's as if one day...I 'woke up'...metaphorically speaking. My life has more meaning, depth, love and peace today than it ever has. I have also felt more pain than ever before as I face things that I have avoided for a very long time. But I am moving past the former things and I will not dwell on things that have been taken from me. This is absolutely crucial in defeating the chunky monkey in me. Why? Because the more comfortable I am with myself, the more I can reach out to those around me and the end result is fulfillment and contentment. That is something a chocolate chip cookie or glass of wine can NEVER give me.

One day the following will be in my book...if I ever get around to writing it...I wrote this last year...it's scribbled down on a piece of paper from the Sutton Place Hotel in Vancouver...I am going to keep it...it's tattered and torn...but so much a piece of who I am. Read on...

Love. Intentional demonstrations of love that we consciously integrate into our everyday interactions with the people we value, produce platonic, intimate and long lasting relationships. Allowing ourselves to love, be loved and be vulnerable creates an atmosphere conducive to nurturing a deeper level of relationship. Ultimately, intimacy in its purest form results in feelings of purpose and fulfillment in both the giver and receiver.

The definition of love must be consistent with both the giver and the receiver in order to maintain a healthy understanding of one another. Managing interrogations of each individual if discrepancies exist is the heartbeat of the relationship, adds value and depth to it. The response from each individual will determine the ultimate overall success of the relationship. The giver and receiver must be able to alternate roles and have mutual understanding of one another.

However, love in its truest measure is unconditional and cannot be limited to "taking turns". Love then becomes an extension of oneself while expecting nor requiring anything in return. Thus we understand that love is not based on conditions or approval, nor is it earned. It is not withheld when 'wrongs' are committed. It is in that moment that the extension of love and understanding removes the stain of guilt, regret, shame and dishonor.

Love freely given and freely received produces "fruit" in our lives. In other words, giving and receiving must both occur in order to yield a "bumper crop" of love and acceptance. If the interaction contains both giving and receiving in alternating existence, a whole new level of love will be experienced.

I am learning what it means to...love. Myself, my family, my friends. Sometimes we lose things in our life...BUT God has a way of bringing them back to us. They are always in a different package...and they are always a surprise...but there is no better way to give a gift unless it is both a surprise and in a unique package...right?

Andy :)

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

TaTa Tamer

Today was another exciting day filming some chunky monkey tv. The irony of all this is that it is incredibly difficult to to eat on time, drink enough water and fit "gym time" into my day. My trainer did have a bit of fun with me today when she recommended that I buy a TaTa Tamer for LuLu Lemon. Why in the heck would she say that? What you sayin' beeeotch? LOL. I guess she thinks my TaTa's need to be tamed!!

And as much as say how buff and scary my trainer is...I need you to know that she is the sweetest lady. She is so encouraging and she is definitely fascinating. She was one of Swift Current's 5 most fascinating people for 2010. So, for me, it is quite an honor to have a trainer who is a professional body builder and is an all around amazing person. You rock, Lyris!!

So after 3 hours of filming at the gym today, I went to the locker room to get changed. It was then that I realized that George (the producer) had lost my key to my locker. He of course was really upset about it. I wasn't upset a bit. I was just going through blackberry withdrawl. Three hours...no blackberry...AHHH! And now the key is gone. However, George found it. Poor guy felt really bad. I wasn't upset...what's the worst that can happen...we have to bust the lock. No biggie!! However, I had almost 40 emails to catch up on. YIKES!! Not a good feeling.

Anyways, I haven't had a break all day. So, I am going to eat, sit back in my chair at the office, listen to some tunes and try and take a rest before my next meeting. Tomorrow brings a whole new collection of experiences for chunky monkey tv. Oh gawd...this will be my ultimate test. Did I mention I have to fit the gym in.

I want a cookie so bad right now!!!!!

Andy:)

Utopia...Selah!

"Intrinsic goals are the ones we follow and complete and that add meaning". --Dr. Henry Cloud

They say you should choose goals that fit. Usually, my goals consist of finding a pair of jeans that fit. A goal that is far too often unattainable. Why is my current state...never good enough? Why am I never satisfied with what I see? I could be 30lbs lighter and probably would still feel FAT. Maybe I need to find a way to get comfortable with myself. Perhaps, that is a key to living.

Why the hell are there SO many keys to living? The keys to living look like a friggin' janitor key ring! And how the heck do we know which key unlocks which door?? It's like trying to find a needle in a haystack...or a thong on a four hundie! No fun and near impossible! I think I may have discovered one truth on this entire journey...and it is this...Do not worry about tomorrow...for tomorrow will worry about itself. Okay...two keys....the other being...pursue only those things that are congruent with who you are. I will never be an NBA basketball player...but I will be a marathon runner. It's attainable...and it will be great to get there...however, that is not what will make me happy.

'Happy' is something the world is chasing after. More money, more things, more relationships, more achievements. We want hotter, sexier bodies, have big houses, go on extravagant holidays and drive hawt cars. We are trying to find some kind of fountain of youth that will make us look younger and less saggy. Unfortunately, 'happy' does not come from those things...at least not long lasting 'happy'. Happy comes from things that are more intrinsic...like giving to others. Or...by not waiting for someday...or by stopping to smell the roses. Or maybe just enjoying the people who surround you and telling them you love them EVERY time you think of them.

I dare you to try that for a week!! Everytime you think of someone you love...tell them. Email, text, bbm, fb...try it. See how you feel. Be real. Be sincere. Don't be weird. Yeah..like if you are a stalker...I highly recommend you not do that. FREAK!

Anyways...I still have my goals...but achieving them is not what makes me happy. There is more to it than that. 'Happy' is complex and simple all at the same time. I am in my happy place now...it involves a beach, a cold drink, the sound of the ocean, sand, a hot man-servant and the latest edition of People Magazine. And while I lay on hammock, I can relish in the fact that I am a fat monster slayer and have a perfectly ripped body with a six pack and 20% body fat. Woooo!!! Utopia!! Happy now!

And with that said...dun-dun-duuuuuunnnnnn!!!!

...the first episode of Chunky Monkey TV!

Fat Monkey Vs. Skinny Monkey

Today I did a little bit of shopping. My trainer told me to reward myself for my achievements and I can think of no better way to reward myself then shopping. I found some awesome sneakers but decided to hold back. I love sneakers. They were Etnies (nothing is better) and they were very awesome. Of course, I tease Jo about how many different shoes she has and she teases me about buying the same style of sneakers over and over and over again. She also told me that I wasted my money on the UFC fight the other night. (Yes, I LOVE UFC. I want to go see one live). I of course said...the girl who spends $60 on skin products is pointing her finger at me for spending money on a UFC fight? She then pointed out that I spend money on purses and put gold on my face. So, at that point we decided that we both waste money on things that are frivolous and cannot point a finger. It's the pot calling the kettle black. I'm the pot. Just thought I should clarify that.

The UFC fight was awesome and I was so pumped after that I couldn't sleep. Maybe not the best thing for me to watch right before bed...but OMG...I loved it. What a great fight! And those guys have no chunky monkey in them. They are toned, ripped, cut and totally on top of their fitness. Sigh....maybe someday I will be on top of it.

Jo took me to Regina for my birthday. It's weird, but I didn't want to come. Now that I am here, I am SO glad I came. I am having so much fun. I also realize how well she knows me and appreciate so much that she would do this for me. What are friends for, eh??

I know she is a great friend as she is the type of friend that allows me to experiment on her. Because she is petite and I have sensory issues...well...she is often my guinea pig. Tonight, I practiced the fireman carry on her. I have carried her all over the hotel room trying to get the technique down just right. She doesn't think I will ever need to know how to do it...but I grew up believing...."it's better to have a shovel and not need it, then need a shovel and not have it"....if you catch my drift. If you don't get it...the meaning can be found in the movie Hoodwinked. The goat sings the "be prepared" song....I love this song. Actually, it is one of my favorite movies....more specifically...my favorite song. I would You Tube it if I were you.

You are probably thinking that a fun trip means fun eating. You are wrong. There is no fun eating. I ate clean and I worked out hard tonght. I did have a bit of a fight with myself yesterday though. While running my 10km...the litte fat monkey on my shoulder was fighting with the skinny monkey on my other shoulder. I don't know if my internal conflict was evident to others but there was a huge battle inside. On one shoulder the fat monkey is crying and carrying on...."I can't do it! It's too hard! Just quit!! You're too fat to run. Fat monkies don't run. Waaaaa!". Then the skinny monkey pipes up, "Stop crying! You're sabotaging us. We can do it. Keep running. Shut your mouth you fat little monkey.". And so the battle continued. I must say...the skinny monkey won...but the fat monkey came in a close second.

On the way into the hotel tonight, I saw him! Yes...the man. The man in the red suit. The man who loves milk and cookies. The guy that lives at the North pole, has eight tiny reindeer and has a belly like a bowl full of jelly. AND HE WORKS AT OUR HOTEL. I wanted to go jump on his knee and ask him for a new Burton hoodie, Etnie sneakers, six pack abs and tickets to the next UFC live in VEGAS! Of course, Joanne yanked me in to the elevator before I could leap onto his lap and give him my grown up Christmas list. She didn't think it was a good idea. I just told Jo that she had to believe. She will probably get a lump of coal in her stocking this year.

None the less...I can do the fireman's hold, I'm reading a GREAT book, had dinner with some great friends...and well...I just had an all around great day. It's too depressing to be depressed. So tomorrow, we will kick the chunky monkey in the ass and get just a little more fit!!

Night bloggosphere!!

Andy :)

ps-

I am supposed to tell all of you that Jo is not the friend who pees in the shower. Also, it was not Jo who was drying her underwear under the hand blower. Of course, I love the shower peer and the undie drying nut just the same. ;)

Gym Whore

Good morning people of the earth!!

My trainer was not kidding when she said my new program would challenge me. I think she is trying to kill me. I don't know what I ever did to her that would make her want to hurt me like this. After a strenuous work out last night, a great tan and a furious outburst of anger because locker 81 was occupied....I realized that this new program is going to be really tough. But when the road gets tough...the tough get going....or something like that. I was never very good at cheezball expressions.

Yesterday, I arrived at the gym at 7pm and didn't leave until...well...let's just say the gym was closed by the time I left. The new exercises are very challenging and to just take things up a notch, I decided to ball exchanges as fast as I could. OMG!! If that doesn't get rid of my baby belly...I don't know what will.

There is a new and very effective shoulder exercise incorporated into my routine. My trainer tells me it will give me some great shape and my arms should look 'cut' after a few months of this. So, I was very excited to get started. Of course, my choice in work out gear was not ideal for this sort of exercise. But how am I to forsee wardrobe malfunctions at the gym?

As I laid face down on the incline bench something horrible happened. As I was concentrating on lifting my arms forward with a good amount of weight at 10 o'clock and 2 o'clock, I noticed two of the guys were looking at me. As soon as they noticed I was looking at them. They both looked away quickly. It was like seeing a teenage boy blush and awkwardly look away as he sees the cover of Victoria Secret for the fist time.

So, naturally, I am wondering what the heck is the matter with these two guys. Of course, in the back of my mind, I am wondering what has gone awry with me, my clothes or who knows what. What's the dealyo? I put in another few reps to finish the set so as not to "appear" as though I am uncomfortable and worried to death about what is going wrong. Looking down at myself to see what possibly could be distracting the two dedicated guys I have seen work out night after night...I SAW it! The way in which I lay on the bench (EXACTLY how my trainer told me to do it) had pushed my girls upward and top that I was wearing had no hope in hell of covering me.

Horrified...I quickly stood up. Losing my balance as my arms were now exhausted from exertion I stumbled backwards. Catching myself before falling on the floor I regained my balance. I dropped the weights and as quickly as humanly possible, pulled my shirt back up over the HUGE amount of cleavage that was on display. MY GAWD! I feel like a whore of Babylon! A chunky monkey gym whore. A plus sized prostitute.

Now you may not think there is anything wrong with a bit of cleavage but I need you to know that I am not talking about a 'bit' of cleavage. I am talking about whole LOT of cleavage.

I am NEVER wearing that top again. And I am sure I made a lasting impression on the two lugs that were watching. I didn't look at them the rest of the night and hope I never see them ever again. The only problem is that they work out every single day...aaahhhhh. I guess it's all about making memories....but from now on, I will be more careful about the kind of memories I am making and ensuring my top is capable of covering...well....my top.

Sincerely,

Gym Whore

A Girl's Gotta Do What A Girl's Gotta Do!

Finally, the cold weather has taken a break! Minus 45 is not my idea of a good time. However, the snow seems to blow in the most beautiful patterns across the highway when it is this cold. I sometimes feel mesmerized by the way it twists and swirls...free from restraint. Oh brother, I feel like I am writing a Robert Frost poem and reciting it to a group of sleeping high school students. There is nothing romantic about the dead of winter. When I go outside and my entire body aches from the bitter bite of the cold...I often question why I live here. And when I leave the gym and my damp hair freezes instantly causing me to resemble something similar to Meduca...well...I just don't like the cold. I hate the cold. I despise it. I loathe it entirely.

Of course, it is groundhog day today so maybe he had some good news for us. I don't know why the heck he would even attempt to come out in the friggin' hole in the ground...it is freakin' cold. And just because I am whining about how cold it is I can prove it to you. A couple of our friends did an experiment...check this out! (Ryan...you are truly one of Swift Current's Rock Stars and I still disagree...Justin Timberlake is not groovy)

So, with the bitter bite of cold and the sun shining directly in my face at this moment, I must tell you that I got my body comp results back!! And well...to date...I have lost 20lbs of fat! So, I am feeling pretty good about that. My trainer tells me my new program is going to challenge me quite a bit. I thought the old program challenged me quite a bit!! So, I am totally going to die now!! More buffeting my flesh. And when I say that...I am not referring to a buffet....although, that would be really nice right now.

After my last post, I got an interesting email yesterday. A friend of mine emailed me and this is what she said and I quote, "I just got back from the gym and had to dry my undies under the hand

blower...does that count as a good workout!" OMG!! Of course, I howled as this is the most hysterical thing I heard all day. Of course, I am a very visual person and the image in my head was quite entertaining. And I can't help but ask...what the hell were you wearing while you were drying your undies under the hand dryer??? Dear Lord...please tell me you had a towel wrapped around you. Although, standing in the buff drying underwear makes it all the more funny. And honestly, if I walked into the change rooms at the gym and saw that...I would probably hug the person for doing it as I am sure I would laugh long and hard. Of course, I wouldn't hug them if they were naked...ahhhh....whatever. It's freakin' funny. Seriously though, this is one of the funniest things I have ever heard. But I guess dry sweaty undies is better than wet sweaty undies. I think I would have just gone commando! Yes, that's right...commando. It's not something I do regularly however, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do! And sometimes, a girl just has to dry her undies under the hand blower, go commando or pee in the shower.

Don't get me wrong. I DO NOT pee in the shower. But another one of my friends told me yesterday that she has actually peed in the shower! She doesn't do it on a regular basis...but she did do it once! LOL KRAZY!! Oh and the stories did not end there but in order to keep this blog rated PG...I am going to stop while I am ahead.

With all that said, I am pumped and ready to go hard at the gym. My trainer is watching...she's always watching. And I have to say, she really encouraged me last night and I am all ready to kick the chunky monkey in the a$$. And our first episode of Chunky Monkey TV is coming out next week...oh dear Lord...

Anyways, I have to get some work done or the boss is going to get on me about slacking off at work again....wait a minute...I am the boss! .

Chunky :)

The Underwear Gauge

Off to the gym this morning! I figure I have to get that out of the way as tonight is a big night for my niece and I wouldn't miss it for the world. The theme of the day today is to work out...really really hard. I have some catching up to do as the last week was a complete write off. I am done to 154 lbs and that is brilliantly awesome...however, if I would have stayed on track, I would probably be down to 151 lbs. So close to breaking the 150 lb barrier. So at the gym today, I am going to work hard. I have a philosophy that if I can keep the same pair of underwear on after my workout...I have not worked out hard enough! And if I can keep the same pair of underwear on...well...that is just plain disgusting. Anyways, it's a good gauge...if your body is soaked with sweat...then you did a good job. If not, you are completely copping out.

Jo and her chillin's were over last night for dinner and Jo so emphatically expressed to me that I was obnoxious again and how happy that made her. Awww...what a great bfff! And I can't even retaliate because she knows my visa number, login passwords for virtually everything and my pin. So revenge is not even an option. But I did enjoy hanging out with her. And it was way better than having "company" that comes only for the food and take no time to socialize because they are too busy. Not too busy to eat my food but too busy to have a coffee after?!! You know who I mean...the kind that are like grasshoppers. They come, they eat, they leave. I didn't actually invite you over to eat...I invited you over to visit!!

Everything we do is so focused around food. When the people of the earth gather....they eat. Some drink. Some dance. Some drink and dance but they all share one thing in common.....they eat. And I am guilty of this too. I can't count the number of times that I have approached the dinner table like a ravenous gluttonous starving hyena. I said 'like' a starving hyena...not that I am one. Clearly....I am not. Take a look at the meat on my bones. If I was the Thanksgiving turkey, I would be the one that needs the supersized roasting pan. So just imagine how awkward it is for me to run with all the junk in my trunk. I kind of look like a supersized turkey with shorts that ride up her arse and of course with the added benefit of thighs of thunder.

But I intend to change that. I am going to go run today and do back and triceps. Saturday is rest day and CHEAT day........AND Sunday....I am going to run 10km. Jesus help me.

Okay....have a great weekend my cyber buddies!!! I will post again on Sunday night....unless something amazing happens. Or something ridiculous. Who am I kidding...something ridiculous always happens. So, expect to hear from me. Toodles.

ps- I am listening to Rock and Roll Girl right now.....Rock on peops of the earth!! And I forgot that I was only in my underwear and only remembered that when I was standing on my front step getting the mail out of the mail box this morning. Somebody kill me please!! AHHHHHH!!!! Okay...putting the People Magazine down and going to the gym!!!!!

Andy

pps- dedicated to my fabulous five!! Click here!

It's How You Run The Race

Just as promised...I made it to the gym. And just as expected it felt really really good!! It's not whether you win or lose...it's how you run the race, right?! That metaphor is so true and it is so true when it comes to running. It is all about technique. The more I improve my technique, the more efficiently I will run...thus causing me to finish well. This is so true in real life. I am going to finish well.

Part of "running the race" requires me to break-free of some old cycles and patterns in my running. I noticed today that I clench my fists tightly when I run. Becoming aware of my tightened fists allowed me to relax my hands...thus conserving energy. Instead of looking down at the timer on the treadmill, I look straight ahead to ensure proper posture and form. Looking down is dangerous in running as one cannot see oncoming danger....but more importantly form is compromised and in doing so....one cannot focus on the finish. You have to look ahead when you run...you can't watch your feet or have your head down. You have to lift your chin up. When you lift your chin up, you can see what lies ahead....the beginning of a slope....or the end of one.

Runner's occasionally hit the "wall" in running. In that moment, every part of you feels like it will collapse. Your lungs burn, your thighs throb and your brow is soaked with sweat. You don't feel like you can push yourself any farther. But upon pushing past the end of yourself, you break-thru your wall and find yourself energized and capable of pressing on.

And there will always be those people on the sidelines who should be your biggest fans...but they throw their sticks and stones on your path to trip you up. But if you look just a little farther down the road, your family is cheering you on every step of the way. And it is because of them that you find the strength to dodge the obstacles and finish well.

And since I feel like I belong in Texas (everything is big in Texas)...I know that I am an overcomer. And even though I am extremely tempted to just be a hippie and live on a beautiful beach in Australia...I will not give up. What the heck am I talking about?! I am going to Australia and being a hippy. Well...I am going to be a clean hippy at the very least. But just so there is no confusion...no dreads allowed and I am most certainly going to wear anti-perspirant. I don't know why...but now I have that annoying song from the Pee Wee Herman Movie...."The stars at night, are big and bright.....(clap, clap, clap, clap).....deep in the heart of Texas". What a dumb show! Well, except for Large Marg....I loved her!! She was big. And from Texas. But then so were the Beverly Hill billies....I could use some Texas Tea about now. Then I could inflate the prices, make all of you pay even more for fuel and then slowly take over the world. Ah....what a feelin'!!

Night...this Chunky is chunked out!! Slayin' the fat monster one ounce at a time!!

Andy

Something went aw-ry!

The mirror has two faces. Sometimes I look in the mirror and see what is truly reflected but most days I see a clouded image of myself. It may be the steam from the shower or perhaps it is an entire array of 'history', snap shots in time and of course a healthy dose of self-loathing that cause us to see a reflection that is skewed. The world tells us what we should see. It tells us how we should look. It defines beauty for us. And everyday when we stare back at ourselves into the cloudy looking glass, we hold our selves accountable to the world's standard's of beauty. How we feel about ourselves, often defines what we see. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder...when I look in the mirror, I am the beholder. I see what I want to see. Chunky Monkey or diva? Or maybe a diva chunky monkey.......with a grass skirt doing the hula!! Okay...perhaps not. I do question, if I was a guy, would I be attracted to me? Probably not...lol!!

With that said, I have missed an entire week at the gym. Yup...I fell right off the wagon....right on my head. I still ate right....I just didn't run. But tomorrow, I am back on. I want this so I am going to do it. I miss the endorphins and the general feeling of good health. It's time to kick this chunky monkey body in the ass and seriously whip it in to shape. The ball is rolling...so why stop it.

Instead of standing in front of the mirror tomorrow morning and being disgusted with myself, I will just not be disgusted. When I stand in front of the mirror naked...thinking...dear God...can it be true??? Or when I lay on a beach and the Save the Whale's people try to push me back into the water...well...you kind of figure you have a problem. And the reality that I wasn't feeling that good yesterday or today should not be a reason to skip out on the gym. The gym is part of my life now. Chunky Monkey goddess is who I am. I go to the gym because I need it like I need to breathe. It is a part of my day. So what went awry? I will tell you....I got lazy. That's it. L A Z Y. So, let's grab the bull by the bulls and do what we gotta do!!

okay!!! Enough of the positive confessions and self-affirmations! Just get your butt out of bed, shower, get dressed, kiss your family, work hard and work hard at the gym. That's all it takes. It's just like running....just put one foot in front of the other and do it!!!

So, tomorrow when I blog....I will tell you about the 2nd day of the rest of my life. Why the 2nd day? Because the first day was day one of this journey. And now that I 've plateau'd....tomorrow will be the 2nd day...as I am entering a new dimension. Beam me up Scotty!!

Andy :)

PS-

Jo is baking cookies!!! HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME JO? I know what I want and I want it now.......I WANT COOKIES!!

Just put a bell around my neck, throw me in the pasture and call me Betsy!!! Mooo!

The Interview: Behind the Scenes

I FEEL LIKE MY OWN PERSONAL ROCKSTAR?? Oh my gawd...what was I thinking???

Andy

Day 108: Chunky Monkey TV

So...here is a little taste of Chunky Monkey TV....ahhhh!!

Chunky TV

I am feeling very chunky right now!!! And I haven't been to the gym yet!!! Nooooo!!! Long day....very long day. And so tomorrow will be another very busy day....but I will eat according to plan. I will not cheat. Even though there will be chocolate chip oatmeal cookies and a plethora of other amazing treats. (God...help me!!)

Andy :)

Day 107

I started today with a good dose of Abba, a Saskatchwan Sunrise and a mini dance party in my bathroom. Who says I can't rock out in my shower?! In my bathroom...I am a rock star!! Today started out grrreat!! In an attempt to have some effective "team building", I took Joanne south of Swifty today to see a breath taking Saskatchewan sunrise.

With the great sound of Abba pumping through my trucks speakers...we took in the sunrise. And then suddenly, I had an idea. I tossed my camera at Joanne and burst out of the car door. Not even thinking, I ran across the blustery highway in my heels and turned my back to the sun. I didn't consider the fact that I was standing in the middle of a highway as I struck a pose. Quickly, Jo snapped a pic and I bolted back to the safety of my vehicle. Oh what a feeling!!! It was great team building, it was completely insane and it was a great way to start the day.

The day kind of seemed like a smelly sardine sandwich. It started good, the middle stunk and the end was awesome. The day ended with a Great Big Sea concert...what could be better than that? I had so much fun!! In fact, it reminded me how much fun having fun is. I am a little reluctant to admit this...but I missed the gym today. I figure a GBS concert was worth it. And since I still stuck to my eating plan, the fat monster will not gain any territory on me today!!

Tomorrow is a big day as I will be filming the first chunky monkey episode, getting my body comp completed and preparing the final preparations for our business launch on Friday.

And I am super pumped as two of my dear friends...one from TO and the other from NY are coming tomorrow night. This will be a true test for me as I am training and will not be able to have a party in my mouth. AHHHH!!! I am already weak in the knees just thinking about it. I must stay strong. I can get through a weekend of celebratory food and beverage and not give in to the cries of the fat monster. DIE you screaming glutton!! Die!!

Things to take note of: 1. Joanne baked me a wonderful batch of her amazing short bread cookies with chocolate chips on top. Melt in your mouth....goodness!!! Cheat day was amazing...thank you god for chocolate chips!!! 2. My fitness friend Gail is kicking butt in her battle to slay the fat monster- you are doing so good and you look great. I know we are competing against each other in the gut buster's challenge...but woooo...you lookin' good girl!!! 3. Life is full of the good, the bad and the ugly. In fact, every day has all three of those elements. I choose to remember the good, to move past the bad and make the ugly pretty.

Chunking out!!

Andy

Day 106

5 a.m. came with a vengeance this morning as I woke up absolutely famished. I have never felt so uncomfortable in my life. I laid in my bed for an hour and a half thinking about how good breakfast would taste and feel. And it's not a good sign when a person is dreaming about how good oatmeal will taste. And then I fell asleep. And then I woke up again and I was sure I had the flu as I felt like I was going to woof my cookies. However, how can one "woof their cookies" if one's stomach is completely empty? It's called dry heaving...and there is nothing good about that.

So after eating my oatmeal, protein shake and orange, I felt way better. However, shortly after feeling better about my breakfast, I went to make my bed and noticed that my finger (the one I cut last night making supper) split open and bled right by my pillow. Of course, I am completely disgusted as I forgot about it until now. Now being...the time I get back into bed for the night. ARRRGH!

I did however, surprise myself today when I went to the bathroom and pulled my dress pants down....and realized that I forgot to undo them. Wooo...bye bye hips. This is a good sign and it makes me think that all the running is worth it. It is right??

I am getting all psyched up for Thursday as we are filming our first two minute episode of chunky monkey. AHHH!! My nerves are definitely not nerves of steal!!! I am not feeling very fit....and doesn't television make you look fatter than you already are?! AHHH!!!!! I just spent three months losing ten pounds...now a camera is going to add twenty! My heart crumbles into a pile on the floor only to be swept up and thrown into the trash. (DRAMA...I know...but I can't help it....it's part of who I am so....just deal with it).

I hope I can sleep. Nervousness plus hunger...not a good combo. Throwing up now....

Sweet Dreams!!!

Chunky

Day 105: Looking beyond Limitations

When it rains...it pours. Oh yeah, don't forget about the gale force winds, the golf-ball sized hail and of course the flash flood. More has happened this week with crazy stuff than I can even believe possible. I just tilt my head sideways and say...really??? REALLY???? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? ARE YOU NEW? OR ARE YOU JUST STUPID? Did I mention that stupidity really gets on my nerves? Oh yeah...and that's the kind of day it's been...this January 17th.

And Staples can shove their..."that was easy" button right up where the sun don't shine as nothing is easy in this life. Eating a cookie...that's easy. Drinking wine and nibbling on cheese and crackers...again...so easy. Losing weight, changing one's life, running 21km...NOT SO EASY!

Whoever said losing weight was easy??

Okay...that's enough of the glass is half empty talk! I must see beyond...what is. And I must see what can be. In every single area of my life I must look at opportunity. Weight, running, career, relationships.....I have to see what lies beyond the realities that are staring back at me. If I only look at what is....I will never see what can be....and thus never achieve anything. If my thinking and/or perception of something is limited...then I am crippling my future. If I only see myself as fat...then fat is what I will be. I am not limited to anything except my vision for myself. I must look beyond my limitations and press past them. I can and I will do it. (quivering with fear now).

After my run yesterday, I was feeling discouraged. Of course, the "runners high" followed my run but I know I can do better. I ran about 8 km in about 60 minutes. My goal is to run 10 km in 60 minutes. I can do it. Fat and rolls flopping everywhere...I can definitely do it. Next week, I will run 9 km. And I know that the ever so popular runner's physique is just beyond my grasp. In three months, I will look better, feel better and run better. And even though all I want right now is a chocolate chip cookie....okay....I want 5 chocolate chip cookies.....I know that I have to earn my way to success. Every single day, I have to do what is required in order to achieve my goals.

It shouldn't matter that running beside the friendly stomping giant was extremely distracting. It shouldn't matter that he smelt like an ENTIRE bottle of cheap after-shave. It shouldn't matter that my finger that I cut at dinner was bleeding all over the place. And it definitely shouldn't matter that I have just experienced one of the dumbest days in my career. No...I will not let that stop me. Just put one foot in front of the other and run. Whether it be angry running or light, happy like a gazelle running...I will do it. And come June, I will run a half marathon...and I will run it well. And while doing that...I will relax the front of my ankles. How the heck do you relax the front of your ankles??? A little advice from a book on running. I dare you....try it....relax the front of your ankles.....and when you figure out how to do it...please let me know.

I am in it for the long run....literally. And since I am down to a whopping 155lbs which is what a lightweight in the UFC would weigh...(my self-esteem is soaring high now...shoot me please)...I am ready to shed some pounds and attain more of a "runners" physique. My next body comp is on Thursday and I will give you all the goods...the before pictures, the measurements....and the mid-pictures. Oh gawd...I don't know if I can do this.....I'd rather play russian roulette with a double barrel shot gun. It seems easier. But I will show you where I started...and then show you where I am at. And this summer....I will show you the after pictures. Get ready...cuz it ain't gonna be pretty.

Good night bloggosphere!!

Chunky

Day 101

Woe is me...for I am undone! My body afflicted. My thighs...quivering. My lungs....burning. Running is hard work and oh my gosh...I feel like I'm going to die. It is not easy and my chunky body does not feel ready for it. I can feel every ounce of fat jiggling as I run. And of course, I wore the wrong shorts today....as they creeped and crawled the entire time my fat jiggled on the treadmill. So, while the people on the elliptical trainers behind me watched me fight with my crawling shorts, I struggled with good form and technique as picking wedgies does not support good jogging technique.

Gawd...big busted women should not be running either. Yes, I have a great few sports bras...it's just that...well...it's hard to lug those babies around while prancing on a treadmill. Okay...it's far from prancing...it's like I am back in junior high...and I'm the fat girl stomping and grunting around the track. Gawd...somebody kill me please. And to make it worse...today...I got a cramp. I have never had a cramp before. I had to walk in the middle of my run because of my cramp. And because of walking...I lost momentum (mentally). So I left the gym feeling like I didn't get the best work out. Big busted chunky monkey did not get a good work out in today. Alas!! I have failed. But the good thing is....is that I get to do it all over again tomorrow. Can you hear the enthusiasm in my voice???

And what the heck was the gingerbread man thinking..."run run as fast as you can...you can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man....." Of course, I can't catch you. I've been eating you all day and now I am too FAT to run. First you tempt me to eat you....and then you taunt me when I can't catch you. I hate you little gingerbread man. You don't have to run with boobs and chunky thighs. Like who the hell wrote all these childhood nursery rhymes anyways?? How about old mother hubbard!? Like what the heck is her problem. No food!!! NO wonder I like to eat...I'm afraid of a bare cupboard and getting whipped soundly and sent to bed. And I want my dog to have a bone!! I associate no food with being whipped and my dog starving to death. Next thing you know, I will be singing Ring-around-the-Rosie and falling to my horrible lonely death. And this is what we are teaching our children??!! All this time I thought it was Barbie's fault. Now I think it is Mother Goose's fault.

I have no excuse for this rant. It's just that my workout was not so hot today....and I feel frustrated. Again...some stored up anger from the fact that somebody was in locker 81 again today.

And I have to weigh myself tomorrow. Uggh! ....must press on..........

Night!

Andy :)

Day 100

100 days of eating healthy and exercising!! I can't believe it has been that long already. I have to keep the momentum going. The running...oh...the running...my body hurts...but it is a good thing....I think. I am completely exhausted so I promise I will update all of you tomorrow. For now...I am off to a Radox Muscle Soak bath and my bed.

Night!!!

Day 98: Roads Closed

My Calgary trip/Dr. Appointment may be postponed as the roads are closed...thanks to Mother Nature. We will try later on...in the meantime, no hot chocolate for me on this blustery cold snowy morning. Gotta slay the fat monster one day at a time. Thank God for four-wheel drive!! It's -29 degrees C outside and I would love to hibernate today. Welcome to the prairies!!

Running outside will not be happening...so, it's off to the gym for some cardio. Did I mention my legs feel like they are going to fall off today? Yesterday's run was great...but my body is paying for it. Spaghetti legs is an understatement.

.....hey....since I have been training...the phrase eat drink and be merry no longer applies....what else can one do besides eat, drink and be merry?? Starve, sip and be sad?? It's no wonder that prairie people struggle with weight. What else can you do when the weather is this ugly?!

Eat, Drink and Be Merry....er...ummm....diet, drink water and try to find your smile,

Chunky

Day 97: Forecast: Sunny

Sometimes I have to stop and catch my breath. It is so easy to get caught up in all the ups and downs and ugly parts of life and forget who I am. I am reminded today....of who I am and where I am going. And even though things sometimes feel really really challenging....hopeless...and absolutely impossible....there is always a rainbow after an ugly storm. And even if I have to paint a friggin' rainbow on the ceiling of my bedroom...I will. It will remind me at the end of every ugly day, that after every storm, there comes one of this earth's most beautiful phenomenon's--the rainbow. Metaphorically speaking of course. I am determined to see my rainbow!!!!!!!! This is the year!!! The year when my tears will be dried...and all of my promises and hopes....will NOT be denied. Forecast: SUNNY

You may not agree that a rainbow in phenomenal...that's okay...I really think it is quite beautiful. I used to imagine when I was a kid what it would be like to find the end of a rainbow. Stay with me here...I KNOW finding the end of a rainbow is impossible. I did graduate!! I imagined these things as a little girl. But if a person could find the end of it...I imagine myself running through a pasture....and passing through each vibrant color. Perhaps I would have to run 50 feet before leaving one color and leaping into the next. I imagine each of the colors to be invigorating and amazing in their own way. The beauty of the light it produced would be unsurpassable and it would feel like another time and another place. Anyways, I used to daydream about rainbows in this manner when I was a little girl. And there is still something amazing about rainbows to me...even though I am 32 years of age. Okay fine....I am almost 33 but I am not there yet!!

Rainbows are amazing...from a biblical perspective, they are God's promise not to flood the earth. From a child's perspective, they are an amazing discovery that stimulates curiosity and imagination. From an adult's perspective...well...they are not even worth mentioning. But for me (I am not an adult everyday), they are a reminder that after we go through something....And that is the point, if we go through something, we don't stick around...we keep going to the other side. And on the other side is an amazing display of color and light. No storm....no rainbow.

All this deep rainbow talk is simply my way of working through some personal relationship struggles. I shared with you at the end of last year that I wanted to improve the relationships that matter to me. Not an easy process. A painful one. But a necessary one. So that is where I am at today.

This morning I woke up feeling down. Of course, Sundays seem to always come with a vengeance for me. I don't know why. I don't like Sundays. They are sad days for me. And since today I woke up and was feeling under the weather...the Sunday blues were that much more forceful.

I decided that I could not lay in my bed a moment longer for many reasons. First and foremost, being down and out doesn't go away unless pushed away. Secondly because my trainer had instructed me to start my new program today. And finally, my beautiful angels were anxious for me to hang out with them. Let's be honest...they were hungry.

I got up. Made lunch. (The time between getting up and making lunch consisted of...me getting out of bed at 10:30, eating my breakfast, greeting my family and laying back down in my bed feeling sorry for myself). Then I decided enough was enough and reviewed today's training program. I get bonus points with my trainer if I work out today. First on the agenda....run 10 KM. That's it....just go to the gym and run 10 K. AAAHHHH!!! I can't just run 10 K!

Well, I went to the gym. I ended up running 6.76 KM within 60 minutes. So, I am first of all slow and second of all under the 10 K. That's okay. I am actually feeling quite good about it. I have never run that far in my life so for me this is a great achievement. And the endorphins after...my God!! I felt like I could have solved world hunger and cured cancer this afternoon. So, I decided to get groceries. A little less rewarding than solving world hunger and curing cancer, but still very necessary. The children have to eat you know!!

I must say...I feel great. My body hurts so I am getting ready for a hot bath...with a wee bit of Radox muscle soak in it. I will finish reading my magazine. I will snap my fingers for Raul...for he will bring me my hot tea and then he will massage my feet. I will sit back in my jet tub and just drift away. SNAP OUT OF IT!! Fine...I will sit in my tub...sip cold water from my tap...and scrub the calluses from my feet. Reality bites!! But running felt GREAT.

Now, I just have to work myself up to running 21KM and I am ready for a half marathon. YIKES!!!! Anything is possible right? So, it's possible for a chunky monkey to run in a marathon and not die??? Has it ever been done by a fatty before??? Well, there's a first time for everything. And after all, the race will be worth it....for there will be a rainbow for me at the end of it.

Night!!

Chunky

Day 95: A Pretty Butterfly

In the dead of winter...a small fly made an emergency landing in my mug of water. Water encompassed the little guy and he struggled to free him self. The more he tried to break free the deeper he sank in to the deep dark Starbucks mug. The water engulfed him and he had no strength left in him to fight. He gave in and breathed his last. (Do flies breathe?) Then I filled my mouth with vitamins, not noticing the dead carcass floating in my water and placed my lips on the edge of the mug. Tipping my mug back, my eye caught something dark....and right before it entered my mouth I pulled back...and gagged and spit...a little. By now my saliva had started to breakdown the capsules of vitality in my mouth and the bitter flavor of disgusting health over took my taste buds. Is today Monday??

I weighed myself this morning. I gained 1 pound over Christmas and New Year's. Yup...it's definitely feeling like a Monday. Amazingly, I don't feel bad about it. The pound will be gone within a day or too as I am working very hard at the gym these days. Also, Aunt Flo is due for a visit and I am always up a pound or two when she is around. Gawd I hate her.

Yesterday was a great day at the gym. I worked on legs and my knee held out very very well. So, I am pleased to say the least. However, my butt is incredibly sore today and even my chair is not providing the comfort I feel like I need. It's good though...maybe I'm on my way to getting accused of being a hard ass. Sadly, I will no longer be doing leg extensions as they are hard on my knee. I am disappointed about this as I was lifting a full 130 lbs (which is the full body weight of some of my friends) and I wanted to see how high I could actually go. That could be the reason why I have a bit of a knee problem.

The good news is that I discovered something about myself last night. I can still do a full bridge, hold it and then gracefully descend to the floor. It provides me with an amazing stretch and it feels so good! So, it will become part of my daily stretches. Also, I am still able to do a cartwheel and a round-off so I am feeling pretty good about that. And yes, I can prove it. I just did one here in my office. Joanne looked a little frightened but I didn't end up crashing into anything and landed on my feet. Maybe being 32 isn't so bad.

Yesterday, Jo was horrified with me. She thinks I am living dangerously and should really consider some of the risks I am taking. I understand her concerns, but it is after all my life. And I will do whatever the hell I want. I don't see what the big deal is but I guess it is important to put a return address on the letters I send out. Yup...that's what I did. I know your mouths are probably hanging open and you are horrified knowing the risk I have taken. That's right, I sent out letters with no return address. It's an incredible risk, I know...but that's how you live life on the wild side. That's my way of saying yesterday was a pretty average day. Nothing too out of the ordinary for me.

Well, with the exception of the nice looking lad who accidentally kicked his water bottle over at the gym yesterday. I think he would have been less embarrassed if had not been full, had not sprayed everywhere and if it had not happened right in front of me. I tried not to laugh or even smile...but I couldn't help it. He seemed even more embarrassed when I helped him clean it up. LOL....big tough macho man....all embarrassed....it was lovely to see.

To top it all off, I had a conversation with a colleague. Upon leaving, my colleague thanked me for the visit and said to me..."You have ADD, don't you". I sheepishly admitted that I may have some slight challenges. He then explained to me that he did too and that is why he realized how severely affected I am by it. LOL!! He did make me feel better by telling me that people with ADD are just aware of every single thing going on around them. Nicely said!! I've found great ways to cope thanks to Jo and her Mom. However, I still have not gotten a body sock or weighted vest. Jo...you promised!! And you promised to make short bread cookies too! Occasionally Jo will pull on my arms or push on my head if I am out of control...LOL...nothing feels better. Hey look.....there's a pretty butterfly.

CHEAT DAY TOMORROW!!!! WOOOOOO!

Andy:)

My cryptonite.