Sleepless in Swifty

Not one wink of sleep for me last night! I was sleepless in Swifty. However, it wasn't a night where I wrestled with something in my head. I spent most of the night just thinking about my relationships and how much I appreciate my support group. And yes, I am sentimental so it kept me awake...all night. Each hour passed and I reflected on what I have learned even in the last week. When I consider the people God has brought into my life...just for me...I count myself blessed over and above all I could hope, think or ask for. My sleep was not a cold, restless, sleepless night...more like a warm, whole, restful, sleepless night. Krazy...I know. But so true!

My entire journey that began three years ago has completely erupted into a mobius strip experience. I feel like the prisoner who left Plato's Cave for the first time. It's as if one day...I 'woke up'...metaphorically speaking. My life has more meaning, depth, love and peace today than it ever has. I have also felt more pain than ever before as I face things that I have avoided for a very long time. But I am moving past the former things and I will not dwell on things that have been taken from me. This is absolutely crucial in defeating the chunky monkey in me. Why? Because the more comfortable I am with myself, the more I can reach out to those around me and the end result is fulfillment and contentment. That is something a chocolate chip cookie or glass of wine can NEVER give me.

One day the following will be in my book...if I ever get around to writing it...I wrote this last year...it's scribbled down on a piece of paper from the Sutton Place Hotel in Vancouver...I am going to keep it...it's tattered and torn...but so much a piece of who I am. Read on...

Love. Intentional demonstrations of love that we consciously integrate into our everyday interactions with the people we value, produce platonic, intimate and long lasting relationships. Allowing ourselves to love, be loved and be vulnerable creates an atmosphere conducive to nurturing a deeper level of relationship. Ultimately, intimacy in its purest form results in feelings of purpose and fulfillment in both the giver and receiver.

The definition of love must be consistent with both the giver and the receiver in order to maintain a healthy understanding of one another. Managing interrogations of each individual if discrepancies exist is the heartbeat of the relationship, adds value and depth to it. The response from each individual will determine the ultimate overall success of the relationship. The giver and receiver must be able to alternate roles and have mutual understanding of one another.

However, love in its truest measure is unconditional and cannot be limited to "taking turns". Love then becomes an extension of oneself while expecting nor requiring anything in return. Thus we understand that love is not based on conditions or approval, nor is it earned. It is not withheld when 'wrongs' are committed. It is in that moment that the extension of love and understanding removes the stain of guilt, regret, shame and dishonor.

Love freely given and freely received produces "fruit" in our lives. In other words, giving and receiving must both occur in order to yield a "bumper crop" of love and acceptance. If the interaction contains both giving and receiving in alternating existence, a whole new level of love will be experienced.

I am learning what it means to...love. Myself, my family, my friends. Sometimes we lose things in our life...BUT God has a way of bringing them back to us. They are always in a different package...and they are always a surprise...but there is no better way to give a gift unless it is both a surprise and in a unique package...right?

Andy :)

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.