Day 85: To eat or not to eat...that is the question!!

The Christmas eating marathon is over!! Christmas hangover is in full swing!!! If I see one more bun, roll or decadent dessert I think I will...umm...err....eat it!! Christmas really is the time of year where one can literally eat themselves into a coma. It's funny how a holiday that is supposed to be 'holy' is the very holiday where we over spend and act like glutton's. That kind of behavior kind of takes the 'holy' out of it. Unless you use the word in reference to how you feel after....holy crap...I am sick of food. Or...holy! I feel like crap! Or...holy! Look at all the crap we have to put away.

The tree is down, the desserts have been consumed, the wine is locked away and the training begins. I am now beginning phase II of my "new life". I was down to 156 lbs before Christmas and I have been too scared to see the damage on the scale. I've lost ten pounds since the beginning of my chunky monkey battle. So that means...15 more pounds to go. SIGH. I will wait until tomorrow to weigh in. Heaven help me. Don't get me wrong...my eating was okay...not perfect but pretty darn good...I was just inactive...to say the least. And I can blame it on the fact that both of my adorable little angels had oozing, pussing, disgusting eye infections or I can blame it on the fact that the gym was closed...regardless of the reason why....chunky monkey was just not fat slaying. More like fat storing.

We had a great time in Regina yesterday however, every time I use a public washroom something horrible happens and I then feel the need to tell you about it. I know I can't blog about my ugly public bathroom experiences all the time but I can't help it. For me, the public bathroom is the most despicable place on the planet. And I certainly don't like it when the ENTIRE toilet paper roll falls onto the disgusting contaminated floor. How can I use dirty toilet paper? Drip dry...or dirty toilet paper...AHHH! Of course my six year old made the situation so much better as she witnessed the whole ordeal. As I hovered and picked the WHOLE roll off the dirty floor, she said, "Now what are you going to do, Mom?". Well, maybe you could get me some CLEAN toilet paper!!! Gawd...you don't even want to know what I did. Yup...that's right. I used the dirty paper. I am disgusted with myself.

I may have been a wee bit more sensitive yesterday as we were trying to shop and well the swarms of people made my life in particular......miserable. I don't like it when strangers bump into me, brush past me, flip their hair on me or even lean up against me. In fact, Jael wanted to go into the video game store and of course video game stores are small. And the day after boxing day everybody and their dog was shopping in the video game store. Okay maybe not with their dog but their entire family was there and they were all just standing around and brushing up against me. And me and my "don't touch me if I don't know you" philosophy...well...it didn't go over well.

As I fought to exit the store as quickly as possible, a lady asked me if I was in line. Not realizing how angry I was feeling I snapped, "NO, I just want to get out of this freaking store!". It couldn't have been too bad because the people who were pressed up against me (oh God I hated it) started to laugh at me. However, they did clear a path to let me, the germ-psycho, out of the store. So it worked out ok. Then the toilet paper incident happened. And then we left. I was exhausted from all the germs. And I bought shampoo. That's it. Amidst all the amazing sales...I bought shampoo. And as I left, I walked past MMM muffins....very slowily.

After that, we decided to go to Chapters. If I was to die...Chapters would be my heaven (and the bathroom my hell). I know, a nerd to the core. Regardless, I found a great case for me e-reader, a book on running and a "mommy" calendar. And nobody touched me there. Of course, the bathroom was less than desirable but at least the roll stayed on the holder. And well, the lure of Starbucks had a hold on me. And I bowed my knee. I submitted to a cafe mocha. I drank it. All 3/4 of it. It conquered me yesterday. Well, all I can say to the fat monster is this...you may have one that battle but I will win this war!!!! Haaarrrrrrrr!!!

And I don't think I can handle hearing one more person cry to me about how hard it is to avoid food during the holidays. It is hard on us all. And we all win some...and lose some...and gain some. And honestly, why must we demonstrate the lowest and most primitive level of intelligence...what are we children.....give the baby her bottle....or give the fatty her cookie. Oh gawd...I am the fattie who wants the friggin cookie. GAWD...ALL I WANT IS AN OATMEAL CHOCLATE CHIP COOKIE AND I HAVE NOT HAD ONE. NO NOT ONE. AND YES! I AM YELLING!! It all started when I was in playschool. I sat on a nun's knee and she taught me the song..."who stole the cookie from the cookie jar". IT WAS ME! I TOOK YOUR DUMB COOKIE AND I ATE THE WHOLE DAMN THING!

And honestly, there are no excuses!! I am a cookie addict. I need someone to feel sorry for me so I am going to call the "feel sorry for me" hotline....it's 1-888-suck-tit. At least that's what Brad told me. Gawd...Christmas, wine and sweets has turned me into a complete baby. See! See what sugar does. It is evil!! It is the spawn of Satan himself.

To eat or not to eat...why is it always the same frigging question??

New Years Resolutions:

1. Drink less wine.

2. Eat healthy.

3. Drink less wine.

4. Lose 15 lbs by April 30th.

5. Drink less wine.

6. Go to Vegas in May. (NO WINE)

7. Run every other day.

8. Drink less wine.

9. Live for a cause bigger than myself. (not wine)

10. Drink less wine.

11. Build healthy long lasting relationships. (with people, not wine)

12. Start smoking. (Just kidding) Train for marathon in June. So NO COOKIES!

13. Find a new chocolate chip oatmeal cookie recipe.

Wow...that's sad. A single tear rolls down my cheek. Okay...enough of the drama...off to get some groceries. (NOT WINE).

Sincerely,

Chunky