Day 62: Mobius Strip

Ever wish you could just have a do-over? Not a new "do"...not a different life...just a do-over. I think my life has been slightly misdirected at times. And since my hero of a husband just dug through a trash bag full of garbage to find my "writer's notes" (that someone accidentally threw out) that I had scribbled onto a piece of cardboard while unpacking Joanne's kitchen last night...I realize that I have embarked on an adventure on the mobius strip of life. (I can't believe he dug through a garbage bag for me. That's got to be a sign of true-love....right?)

Now, I am sure each one of us has had our fair share of carpet time. You know...that time in your life when you have a proverbial temper tantrum in the middle of your living room face down in the carpet. You know, the kind where your cry your eyes out and when you lift your face up there is a pool of snot and your eyes are swollen shut from the excess of tears and probably all the allergens in the carpet. It's the tantrum of all tantrums...the result of your resilient heart cracking under all the pressure. It's the moment when our "inner child" comes out. It is the worst of times but it is the best of times. Why? Because the airplane of life that we are on makes an emergency crash landing on the mobius strip of life. The scales fall from our eyes and we see things from an entirely different perspective. For me, it was learning how much I actually weighed. Well, that and the fact that I was going through a mid-life crisis at the fine age of 29. Don't worry...I am 32 now and I firmly believe that I am on my way up out of the pit. Somebody throw me a life line!!! Can you believe it has taken me 3 years to have a mid-life crisis, beat a drug problem, embrace my life and come to terms with the fact that I have to act healthy if I want to be healthy. Yeah...I know....it's pretty deep stuff....rocket science for that matter.

If you don't know what a mobius strip is...here is google's definition...."a continuous closed surface with only one si

de; formed from a rectangular strip by rotating one end 180 degrees and joining it with the other end."

In simplier terms.... If a person would walk along a mobius strip, they would walk the upside and the downside of the strip without ever crossing an edge and see all sides (perspectives) of what they were looking at. Check the picture out. A change of perspective is healthy...sometimes painful...but healthy.

The gym, eating and using self-control has forced me to discover different methods of coping with my feelings. Although, I occasionally choose to cope in "not so healthy" ways, I am definitely winning this battle. I have a few tricks up my sleeve which seem to help. Instead of seeking comfort food to make my sadness subside, my anxiety to rest or my weary body to persevere, I have discovered singing as a great way to...you know...cope. Who knew the battle with the fat monster would be so life altering and so very musical?? (not to mention annoying for the people around me). Some people snort cocaine...I sing. Not the same kind of high...but singing will have to do for now.

So, since I have resorted to singing...ok...I only just discovered this last night...but who are you to judge me?? And so what if I am singing in the shower or anywhere else for that matter...it's just like singing in the rain...with the exception of it being warmer...more private....and..well...I'm naked. But, it's pretty much the same thing!! Again...it's a mobius strip sort of thing.

So, since Jo is in the midst of moving, we unpacked her entire kitchen yesterday. And unfortunately for her, I commentate my every move. Yup...every single thing I do. I was unaware of my irritating little habit until Joanne so graciously pointed it out to me. Wow! I AM my mother's daughter....god help me! And I'm wondering...how many calories does one burn while singing and unpacking?

So, being that we were both entirely exhausted....well....we sang as we unpacked. The prelude to my 'dusting' of a candle started out in a high octave...opera style...."the candle is dusty'....I stated it...I announced it.....and in a forlorn devastating voice...Joanne would sing it again and it would have a totally different meaning. It was like she was sad and heartbroken that the candle was dusty. And breaking into theatrical style unpacking, she grabbed a stool and sang..."this is a stool"....and I asked her "a stool for which to sit upon?". At that point we realized that we were completely overtired and laughing at things that probably weren't that funny. Forgetting that she has neighbors on both sides of her condo...well...her neighbours got their own taste of Joandrea Theatre Inc. last night. Again...the mobius strip...the up-side of unpacking while being exhausted.

And after I found a spare screw laying on the kitchen counter, I decided that I would put it away in her screw kit. When she discovered what I was doing...she exclaimed, "I don't like random screws". LOL! Glad to know that Jo! I am sure you can imagine how quickly our conversation fell into the gutter after that. Another mobius strip moment.

Anyways, with all that said...and to make a long story even longer..........I have come to some conclusions about my struggle to be fit and my struggle to find happiness. There are some milestones besides weight loss that I would like to reach while on my journey to be fit. I want to leave a legacy. What will people remember about me when my heart no longer beats? I must create a plan so that I can leave a legacy...a legacy that matters.

1. I will strive to make a significant difference in someone's life. I will give to them. Love them. Support them. Care for them. Pray for them. Be there for them. This experience has already begun to take place and it is transforming my heart. I believe it is so important to supply "more than enough" to someone who crosses my path in this life. Someone who just needs someone else to believe in them. "There is always an outward demonstration of an inward knowing". I am trying to look at people from a different perspective....I know...I know...I'm repeating myself but this again is a mobius strip.

2. I will strive to respond to people rather than react to them. I will base this response on what I believe about them and not base it on their performance. (mobius strip...again).

3. I will have a determined, stubborn, tenacious stand when it comes to standing up for what is pure, holy, honest, just and of good report. In other words, I will be loyal and defend those who I call friend. Even unto death.

4. I will embrace confidence that is born of humility and not born of arrogance. "Humility is to make a right estimate of one's self." ~Charles Haddon Spurgeon (Mobius strip)

5. And finally, yet my outer person is in the beginning stages of decline, I will renew my inner person daily. I will be the change that I want to see in the world. I will not lose heart. I will not grow weary in well-doing. (Mobius Strip)

And so...the gym is not so bad....eating clean...not so bad....life itself.....not so bad. I am open to my plane landing on the mobius strip of life at any moment. A different perspective...didn't my trainer tell me that gym time....is my time. (mobius strip).

Night!!