Day 72: Sinking Ship

Today is weigh day. I was dreading my weigh in this morning...but good news...I am exactly the same weight...157 lbs. So, the chocolate buffet did not do any damage. Well, it didn't do any long lasting damage. Today, I feel very sober (metaphorically speaking) as I have made some big decisions. I feel calm, peaceful, sad and happily terrified all at the same time. I am sure your curiosity is getting the better of you so here it is. My decision is to continue on the path that I am on. Committed. Sold out. All for one and one for all. We launch Silver Lining on January 21st and I am stoked about that!!

After evaluating my priorities and analyzing them with the opportunities that lie ahead of me, I realized that I am right on track. The path I choose in life must be in alignment with my priorities and my definition of success. With some minor tweaks and better time management, I can keep doing what I am doing and manage my stress level more effectively. Working out and eating right plays a major role in me reducing my stress. It also keeps the Chunky Monkey demon monster from taking over my body again.

My definition of success (for me personally) is:

Success is having healthy relationships with my children, husband, family and the people in my circle of trust. It is being financially secure, knowing there will be enough to live and survive without dependence on others. It is having the freedom to travel and experience the world. It is not worrying about money. It is creating a legacy for my children and my children’s children. It is spending quality time with the one’s I love where I am one hundred percent present. It is golfing on a Saturday morning with good friends, putting in a good days work, being home with the family for quality time and living for a cause that is bigger than myself. It is discovering God and the importance of spirituality in my life. It is creating a positive environment that is full of love and acceptance for the one's I care for. It is living my life in a way that influences and changes someone else’s life for the better. It is having the ability to help others financially, spiritually and emotionally. Throw a healthy dose of adventure into this mix and the recipe is complete.

I am sure it is just driving you crazy that I have not identified the opportunity that I contemplated taking. It really is quite simple...I was offered a job. That's it. It did however throw me for a loop and definitely had me evaluating my entire life. I believe this offer came at a good time as it forced me to write down on paper (yes, I used paper) what my priorities are. It also, forced me to look at my life and determine what is really important.

I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to write down goals, dreams, definitions of success, definitions of what family is and who they are. It helps to focus on what really matters. It has also helped me to appreciate who my core group is. They are not bound by geographical limitations and I am amazed at the level and depth of relationship I have with them. (You know who you are!) And gawd...I know...I am a total nerd. I can't help you know!! Write your darn goals down and clarity somehow mysteriously arrives. That is the cheesiest thing I have ever said...however, it is truth.

This entire process of losing weight, getting fit and changing myself has opened the closet door of the ugliness in my heart and is forcing me to deal with it. Weight and health are so linked to what we hide in the deepest, darkest chambers of our hearts. Part of becoming a master of living, requires us to unlock the doors we have so carefully boarded shut and start unwinding the tangled web inside our hearts and minds. And to my amazement, this cannot be done without a support group. It is surprising who steps up and is there for you when you are in a "sinking ship in the middle of the ocean on a stormy night". I can assure you , it is never who you think or expect that throws you a lifeline. I can also assure you that you will be amazed at all the good that comes out of it when you go through it. Hey...that's all that matters right? That you go through...to the other side....whatever it is that you are facing.

Now that I have my career settled (or should I say I am settled in my career), I need to get my health aligned and then my personal life. So, you will probably hear a lot about what is happening with the doctor and all of my symptoms very soon. It's all connected you know. And it is all so important in destroying the fat monster. Phase II should be another great ride and I hope you will come along with me........hey...isn't that a Great Big Sea song....."Come Along With Me"?

So, it's off to the gym to do some serious fat slaying!!

PS- Jackie, it was not very nice of you to eat fries and gravy in front of me at lunch today (even if I did order it!). (Love you girl!!)

Andy :)