Day 74: A series of unfortunate events...

Well, another day has passed and I am starting to feel a little bit of the Christmas spirit. Just a little bit. After my adventures last night, I can't help myself and have to admit that Christmas time is an amazing time of year. It amazes me how wonderful it is to spend time with friends. I just spent the afternoon with some of my dearest friends and just maybe that has helped me feel a little more Christmas-ish. Being away so much this year has left little time for me to be with my home-girls and I loved every minute of being with them today. I'm even going to get see them right around the time we bring the new year in...and I can think of no one better to spend that time with. Anyways, enough of the sap....it's on to better things.

I just spent the last hour with my Physiotherapist as I neglected to wrap my knee for my workout last night. My knee is in rough shape today and now it is completely taped to ensure no further injury. I must say it is better than the tensor as the tape fits comfortably under my jeans. Since, I completely forgot about wrapping it and got serious crap from my PT...I think I need to be a little more careful. No, I did get serious crap...he had his angry eyes on and well, he means business. In my defense, my knee has been feeling really good and well, I was so focused on "finding" the Christmas spirit that I completely forgot about it. I also believe the traumatic experience in the change room distracted me from doing what I had to do.

Yes, another unfortunate event in the women's locker room has taken place. Seriously....why me?? Why do these things always happen to me?? I rushed into the gym desperate to complete my work out so that I could find some unsuspecting souls to sing for me. That was my mission. However, upon entering the change room and opening up locker #81, I discovered that someone had put their things in it. Not paying attention to the other girl changing...I exclaimed, "How DARE she?!" The woman changing inquired as to what was the matter. Of course, I explained to her that I am a creature of habit and I feel like locker 81 is mine. Whenever I discover someone else has taken it...it throws my whole night off. She actually agreed and the other two women nearby joined the conversation.

Of course, I had to be myself and acted completely ridiculous by telling my story about locker 81. So, they were all laughing and changing and listening to my craziness. I pulled my dress pants down, stepped out of them and then into my LuLu's. I pulled them up quickly as all eyes were on me as I narrated my ridiculous rant about locker 81. After pulling up my pants, I could feel something hanging....and for lack of a better word....hanging in the crotch of my pants. There was no way I could ignore it or pretend it wasn't there. I had to find out...what was in my pants. Not even thinking...I blurted out, "What's going on here". All eyes are on me now as I reach my hand down the front of my pants and start rooting around to find out what was down there.

I could feel something foreign. Something that didn't belong. I grasped onto the intruder and yanked it out. In complete and utter horror, I realized that it was a thong. NO, not the kind you where on your foot. The other kind. With 3 pairs of eyes on me, I held the underwear out in front of me and froze as I was in shock. Out of my mouth came...."It's my panties...what are these doing in there". Realizing what had happened, I felt my face get red and hot. Embarrassed, I quickly threw them into my locker and slammed it shut. "STUPID locker 79", I grumbled. I quickly explained that I had just washed my clothes and the thong probably got stuck in them. Little did they know that I COMPLETELY LIED TO THEM as the thong had been....hmmm...."gently worn" previously.

The three women laughed hysterically at me. One had a wee bit of compassion and attempted to comfort me by saying..."at least they didn't fall out in the middle of the gym". Dear God...I wanted to die in this moment. I hate the locker rooms to begin with...and now...when I was brave and didn't care....and I changed in front of everyone....my damn "gently used" thong was in the crotch of my pants!!! How much worse can it get??

The feeling was worse than the trauma that happened today. Oh yes...you won't believe it...but there is more. Two traumas back to back. I was preparing for a meeting in our board room and accidently spilled water from the coffee pot. Desperate to clean it up quickly before my clients showed up, I burst through the door of the men's room next door to grab some paper towel. All I saw was the paper towel dispenser. Looking quickly over my shoulder....OMG...NO...there was a guy....at a urinal.....and he was peeing!!! "AHH...MY VIRGIN EYES!!" I bolted out of the bathroom before he turned around and ran into Jackie's office and hid behind the door. I waited until I heard him leave the bathroom. I peaked around Jackie's door to ensure the coast was clear. It would have been better if it would have been someone I didn't know....like Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp.....WAY less traumatic. However, it was a friend....and well.....it was a horrible feeling. Gawd...I hope he doesn't know who it was. However, I am sure he will bbm me later when he reads this.

"Dear God...I wish I was dead. Amen."

Off to a Christmas party....to which I am bringing a delightful appetizer....in which I will not indulge. So....happy calorie-free Christmas partying to you and yours this holiday season.

Cheers,

Chunky Monkey :)

PS- Please help me raise money for Room to Read by sending me a pair of size 8 sneakers from your home province/state. For each pair of sneakers I receive, I will donate $100 to Room to Read. (For the sake of the law and my marriage, I've capped it at $5000 and have a deadline of January 31, 2011). Thank you for your help!!!!

PPS- If I receive more than 50 pairs of shoes, I will auction them off and all proceeds will go to Room to Read!!