Chunky Monkey in TO

Good Morning Y'all!!

The Scotties ended with a great big shin dig in the Heart Stop Lounge as Saskatchewan's very own, Amber Holland kicked Team Canada's.....ummm...er....bottom!! Anyways, leaving PEI was tough as I made some good friends there. From the beauty of the architecture to the friendliness of the people, PEI is a great place to visit and I highly recommend it.

Nothing to crazy happened at the Scotties. Well, some things were very memorable...and perhaps, a wee bit crazy. I don't know what I will remember more....the 68 year old woman going through menopause who sat beside me or our "neighbor" who shared an adjoining door to our hotel room.

The elderly lady who sat beside me was having hot flashes all through the SK game on Friday night. She had her socks off and her pant legs rolled up to her knees. Maybe it was the fact that we were watching a "winter" sport or perhaps, it was the fact that we were in a COLD rink that she caught my attention. She was carrying on and on about how hot she was. Using her program she fanned herself constantly. She was a very sweet lady...but even sweet ladies get carried away once in a while. Are you wondering why I said that? Well, after she told the announcer that if he gave her a few more minutes she would strip right down to her bra, I decided she was a wee bit krazy. Of course, he laughed and I contemplated suicide. That's all I need!! To sit next to a half naked old woman who doesn't know when to keep her pants on! Of course, the moment he walked away she said she was embarrassed and shouldn't have said that. WHATEVER!!!!! You liked it you shameless hussy!!

Anyways, my hotel neighbor gave us much entertainment as we were witnesses to some very disturbing conversations late into the night...or shall I say early in the morning. We actually knelt at the adjoining door with our heads pressed up against it so we wouldn't miss a thing. I don't know how he didn't hear us as our muffled laughs were hardly muffled! It was honestly, the funniest thing that happened through out the entire week! It was also better than any trash tv reality show....something like the bachelor...except...worse!

Confession: I ate a hot dog. I like it. I liked it ALOT!!

Today I am back in TO. I am currently "working" in Starbucks. It is tough. I am drinking green tea......yum.....And since I have fallen off the blog wagon and the eating wagon and the exercising wagon, I am happy to say...I am back on!!!

Confession: I only went to the gym 3x last week.

Check out our latest episode of chunky monkey tv.....Episode 2.

Andy :)

PEI

Good morning!!

I am in Prince Edward Island for the Scotties!! I hope to update you all soon. I am hoping to get to the gym today so that the fat monster doesn't one up me!!

Andy :)

Your Baby Is Ugly Part II

Anyways, after my toast and protein shake, I fell fast asleep....(while visions of chocolate bars danced in my head). I missed my 5th meal yesterday and I am sure that is why I was starving in the middle of the night.

Anyways, it's weigh day tomorrow. The truth will be told. Sometimes, you just have to tell someone that "their baby is ugly" (Robert Carignan). Sometimes, we need to hear the truth. And it makes that old adage so much more powerful...you shall know the truth and the truth will set you free. The truth, in my case, shed light on how out of control my weight had gotten. I needed the sobering brutality of it to yank me back into reality.

And since the decisions we make now pave the road to our future, it is important to make our decisions based on logic and not emotions. Our emotions and feelings often betray us. It is usually easier to make our decisions based on our feelings however, we often pay the price for it. Logic should rein. Therefore, the next time I look at valentine's day chocolates....I will not eat one. I will not give in. My feelings on Feb. 14th betrayed me and I ate a single chocolate. Fat Monkey 1, Skinny Monkey 0. Oh well...we live to play another day!!

Anyways, I need to get some packing done, finish my article and respond to some emails. (All the while eating my "healthy" food!! (And my rib cage is screaming...I've been doing 120 situps/core exercises on weight training days this week....UGGGH).

Check this out!

Sincerely,

Chunky

Your Baby is Ugly Part 1

Yesterday was a complete gong show! I had meetings scheduled in the thriving metropolis of Gull Lake, SK. Great little town by the way...and fantastic coffee at the local coffee shop! Jo and I thought our meeting was at 9.am. however, we were wrong. Our meeting was not until 10 a.m. and good thing!! We had no idea where the community hall was. We drove all over Gull Lake looking and asking local folks where it was. Anyways, we FINALLY found it....in about 15 minutes as Gull Lake isn't that big. Realizing we were early, we decided to go for coffee.

The small coffee shop brought back memories of my home town. And that is like opening a whole other can of worms. I still have some very sentimental feelings towards the people of Ponteix and will always remember it as my home. In fact, my grade 8 french teacher is now the mayor of the town. I am still a little afraid of her...but she is a good woman!

Anyways, the faint remnants of the smell of smoke permeated the coffee shop as it was not that long ago that Sakatchewan became "smoke free". It's funny how smells bring back memories. Of course, the stale odor of cigarette smoke instantly reminded me of my pa. He smoked for most of my childhood. I still love the smell of a freshly lit smoke as it always triggers memories of my dad. As sick as it sounds, I usually breathe it in...with a big deep breath. I always remember what it felt like to sit on his knee. He would bounce me around and I thought he was the most amazing man in the world. I was the apple of his eye and he always made me feel special. Just a great big teddy bear...that smelled like smoke...LOL. A teddy bear that always had a cig and a diet coke in his hand. Often on his way to teach the rotten grade seven students Science, baseball and photography at the local high school, he always smiled at me in a way that lit up my life. Weekends with him were often spent fishing, hunting, smoking and marking papers. That was my dad.

Anyways, I had to pack all my "healthy" food for the meeting as they were having pizza and caesar salad at lunch. Oh and did I mention Tim Horton's coffee and muffins. MMMM!!! None of which...I can have. So, I ate my rice cakes while everyone else indulged. My inner fat monkey was not very impressed...but she is slowly starving to death...snicker!!

At least I thought she was! She woke me up...actually....she prevented me from sleeping until about 2:30 a.m. last night!! I was SO hungry that I tossed and turned. Finally giving in to the cry of my tummy, I arose from my bed and drifted down to the dark kitchen. Desperate to stop the grumble of my screaming stomach, I made myself some toast and a protein shake. Probably not the best thing to eat...but hey...it's better than a chocolate bar.

Ahhh....to be continued...the camera crew is here.....stay tuned!!

Ps-

Weigh day today....down to 152 lbs....woooo!!! Almost forgot...phew!!

Mommy Hell

Ahh! Ka-razy day!! I have not stopped for a break today. Okay, I've stopped to pee and eat...but that is it!! Trying to get everything done before I take off for a little more than a week. And I still have to squeeze the gym in!! Legs and shoulders today....and running.......and tanning...........and blogging............and kids........................and lunches................................and another crazy day tomorrow.

It's no wonder I've gotten fat!! No time!! And you know what they say...all work and no play makes chunky monkey really snarly!!! The fat little monkey has sharp teeth so beware!!

Oh and in an attempt to teach my children good health...I am making macaroni and cheese for dinner. I am sure I am going to rot in mommy hell for this. It is probably the worst choice for my precious angels. Of course, it is their favorite...but there is honestly, no nutritional value to it! And they would have chocolate cake for dinner if I let them. Heck, I'd have chocolate cake for dinner!! But since chocolate cake is a major no-no...well...mac and cheese for the kids and something disgustingly healthy for me. Yay...rabbit food!! And now the water is boiling over!!! AHHHH!!!!! Oh and the dog is throwing up. GREAT!!

And as Elmer Fudd would say....ahh...nevermind. Eden is gagging now!

Birthday BS

What am I supposed to say about birthdays?? I want to be all optimistic about it...but here I sit...literally (ask Joanne)... groaning and freaking because I don't know what to say. On one hand, I would like to skip blogging all together today because it is the day of my birth and I am not thrilled about it and on the other hand I need to blog...cause it is a way for me to get all the "crazy" out of my head. So, you will just have to take what you get today. Beware!!!

Birthday's often feel empty to me. What are we celebrating....really? I am a year older. There is nothing to celebrate about that. Things sag more, there are more lines in my face, the twinkle in my eye is not so...shimmery....SIGH. And I would love to indulge in all the "fun" things a girl can do on her birthday. Unfortunately, in my experience that involves food and beverage....and I cannot indulge as I have a race to run. Maybe I will shop!!! :D

My friend threw my a really nice shin dig on the weekend which resulted in a multitude of great gifts. Jo and I are going for lunch in five minutes. My brother sent me flowers. My mom dropped off a present. Jo brought me an amazing candle. The phone has rang and my crazy friend sang happy birthday to me as well as emails and fb notes...so I guess it is a pretty good day! Brad is making dinner for me tonight...so nice!! And my girls have something planned for me after school today. As long as it doesn't involve corn flakes with chocolate chips in it...I will be happy. That was what they did for me Saturday morning! BLEH! So, I guess today is pretty good, considering.

Did I mention that I am now registered for my first marathon? Ugggh!! Dropping the registration form on the office assistant's desk made me feel so much more.....committed. Gawd...I have HUGE commitment issues as it is. I hate committing to anything and anyone. And now, I have committed in ink to run in a race. Can the Chunky Monkey do it?? As Bob the Builder says, "Can she do it"......fat shoulder monkey says, "NO, we can't". Shut up you monkey glutton!! I can do it! (oh gawd...I hope I can do it).

(Don't ever call me your bff...that makes me throw up in my mouth...and run away...FAST. I can be your bff...just don't use that term. SEE...commitment issues. Whenever someone has said that in the past, I sabotaged the relationship faster than you can say....bff.)

Did I mention that the fat little monkey on my shoulder told me that I should have a piece of chocolate cake today? And if that is too much then a chocolate chip cookie would be fine. AHHH! No fat little monkey! You shut up!! No cookies, no wine....NO cake!!!

I hit the gym yesterday and hard. I did my ball exchanges as fast as I could again. I also did supersets for chest and biceps and honestly, I thought I was going to die. All for the sake of slaying the fat monster right. Ugggh. My body hurts today. My triceps are still sore from Saturday...can you believe that?! Just letting my arms hang down hurts!!

Anyways, I am not falling off the wagon today. Back to the gym!!! No more of this birthday bs. Going to eat clean and then run my chunky a$$ off!!

Andy

Woe is me!

Happy Valentine's Day to all of you. With that said, I am feeling very anxious as this is the third day in a row that I have been sick.........in the morning. I didn't think much of it...until of course...today!

Early this morning, I frantically wrote out valentine's cards with my girls so that they had something to share with their classmates (I know...mother of the year). Jael set her alarm for 6:45 am just so she could get a head start. By the time I got out of the shower, she was 3/4 of the way finished.

So Eden and I wrote them out as fast as possible. As I sat there with my innocent 8 year old...I struggled to keep some horrible memories out of my head. Looking at her innocence and purity, it is hard to believe she said what she said.

A LONG time ago...she sort of accidentally interupted Brad and I. She opened the door and without even flinching (we were involved but not exposed...get your minds out of the gutter) she said, "oh...you guys are sexing. Trying to make a baby eh? No problem with me". Then she closed the door and left. I of course crawled into the fetal position and contemplated suicide. TOTAL mood killer. Brad laughed. I died. And the evening came to an abrupt end. And all her comments flooded into my head as we sat at the table this morning...how come she didn't flinch...my innocent little baby girl didn't even flinch. AHHH! I don't know what spurred the memory....but it made for a stressful morning. (Note: This happened a long long long time ago. Just thought you should know that.)

Giving my head a shake so I could focus and not re-live the horror, I got their skates, helmets, lunches and backpacks ready and sent them out the door. It was a race to get ready today!! Of course, when I was finally ready...the dog decided he was not going into his kennel so I played "cat and mouse" or rather "fat lady chasing irritating little dog" for 15 minutes. Finally, arriving at work, I started up the stairs to my office. It was then that it hit me. OMG!!! Please oh please oh please...I hope I just have the flu and nothing else!! If I am sick again tomorrow...well...I will just try to not think the worst. Ugggh!! Maybe that's why I am craving cookies...AHHHHH!!! (off to the pharmacy for a test!) Maybe I am just taking this too far....relax Chunky...you probably just have the flu...stop thinking the worst....(sniff, sniff, sob, sob) I never exaggerate....ever.

Anyways, I missed my run yesterday as I was...umm...not feeling well. I did feel much better by late afternoon and hit the hockey game with Brad. Of course, he ate a rink burger and fries right in front of me. This is probably the first time that I didn't long for the greasy disgustingness of a rink burger and fries as he indulged beside me. My stomach is not itself...I guess that's a good thing...I think. Hopefully all the vomiting will result in some weight-loss. I guess you could say (thank you Mark) that I am only two flus away from my goal weight!

This week, I will have to squeeze my big run in. Uggh! And the week is crazy to say the least. And my chest is sore...and my stomach is upset....and I'm grumpy. Oh and did I mention that much to my surprise...I have arm pit fat!!! Who the heck makes the bras these days?! Gawd...no wonder I stand in front of the mirror in the morning crying and scowling at my sagging aging body. Every girl at some point in her life has to face the fact that she has back fat, arm pit fat and well...gravity is starting to show it's effects. I blame it on breast feeding a baby or two...it completely destroys your body. Or is it age? Or is it both? Come on girls...you were once perkier...PERK UP!!

Wow!! I am a complete optimist today. What can I say...it's Monday! Off to the gym later to work chest (oh the irony of this) and biceps...as hard as possible so that I can moan and groan as I soak in my tub of very hot water and bath salts while hoping that I am not "with child". All for the sake of beauty!!! Okay...not beauty...but for health. For feeling better. For being a good example. My trainer tells me that working my chest will keep me perky. WELL, I AM ALREADY LOSING THE PERKY BATTLE...AHHHH! Woe is me!!!

Okay...rant over. Happy Cupid's Day!

Sincerely, Chunky.

Give me a cookie!!!!!

Sleepless in Swifty

Not one wink of sleep for me last night! I was sleepless in Swifty. However, it wasn't a night where I wrestled with something in my head. I spent most of the night just thinking about my relationships and how much I appreciate my support group. And yes, I am sentimental so it kept me awake...all night. Each hour passed and I reflected on what I have learned even in the last week. When I consider the people God has brought into my life...just for me...I count myself blessed over and above all I could hope, think or ask for. My sleep was not a cold, restless, sleepless night...more like a warm, whole, restful, sleepless night. Krazy...I know. But so true!

My entire journey that began three years ago has completely erupted into a mobius strip experience. I feel like the prisoner who left Plato's Cave for the first time. It's as if one day...I 'woke up'...metaphorically speaking. My life has more meaning, depth, love and peace today than it ever has. I have also felt more pain than ever before as I face things that I have avoided for a very long time. But I am moving past the former things and I will not dwell on things that have been taken from me. This is absolutely crucial in defeating the chunky monkey in me. Why? Because the more comfortable I am with myself, the more I can reach out to those around me and the end result is fulfillment and contentment. That is something a chocolate chip cookie or glass of wine can NEVER give me.

One day the following will be in my book...if I ever get around to writing it...I wrote this last year...it's scribbled down on a piece of paper from the Sutton Place Hotel in Vancouver...I am going to keep it...it's tattered and torn...but so much a piece of who I am. Read on...

Love. Intentional demonstrations of love that we consciously integrate into our everyday interactions with the people we value, produce platonic, intimate and long lasting relationships. Allowing ourselves to love, be loved and be vulnerable creates an atmosphere conducive to nurturing a deeper level of relationship. Ultimately, intimacy in its purest form results in feelings of purpose and fulfillment in both the giver and receiver.

The definition of love must be consistent with both the giver and the receiver in order to maintain a healthy understanding of one another. Managing interrogations of each individual if discrepancies exist is the heartbeat of the relationship, adds value and depth to it. The response from each individual will determine the ultimate overall success of the relationship. The giver and receiver must be able to alternate roles and have mutual understanding of one another.

However, love in its truest measure is unconditional and cannot be limited to "taking turns". Love then becomes an extension of oneself while expecting nor requiring anything in return. Thus we understand that love is not based on conditions or approval, nor is it earned. It is not withheld when 'wrongs' are committed. It is in that moment that the extension of love and understanding removes the stain of guilt, regret, shame and dishonor.

Love freely given and freely received produces "fruit" in our lives. In other words, giving and receiving must both occur in order to yield a "bumper crop" of love and acceptance. If the interaction contains both giving and receiving in alternating existence, a whole new level of love will be experienced.

I am learning what it means to...love. Myself, my family, my friends. Sometimes we lose things in our life...BUT God has a way of bringing them back to us. They are always in a different package...and they are always a surprise...but there is no better way to give a gift unless it is both a surprise and in a unique package...right?

Andy :)

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

TaTa Tamer

Today was another exciting day filming some chunky monkey tv. The irony of all this is that it is incredibly difficult to to eat on time, drink enough water and fit "gym time" into my day. My trainer did have a bit of fun with me today when she recommended that I buy a TaTa Tamer for LuLu Lemon. Why in the heck would she say that? What you sayin' beeeotch? LOL. I guess she thinks my TaTa's need to be tamed!!

And as much as say how buff and scary my trainer is...I need you to know that she is the sweetest lady. She is so encouraging and she is definitely fascinating. She was one of Swift Current's 5 most fascinating people for 2010. So, for me, it is quite an honor to have a trainer who is a professional body builder and is an all around amazing person. You rock, Lyris!!

So after 3 hours of filming at the gym today, I went to the locker room to get changed. It was then that I realized that George (the producer) had lost my key to my locker. He of course was really upset about it. I wasn't upset a bit. I was just going through blackberry withdrawl. Three hours...no blackberry...AHHH! And now the key is gone. However, George found it. Poor guy felt really bad. I wasn't upset...what's the worst that can happen...we have to bust the lock. No biggie!! However, I had almost 40 emails to catch up on. YIKES!! Not a good feeling.

Anyways, I haven't had a break all day. So, I am going to eat, sit back in my chair at the office, listen to some tunes and try and take a rest before my next meeting. Tomorrow brings a whole new collection of experiences for chunky monkey tv. Oh gawd...this will be my ultimate test. Did I mention I have to fit the gym in.

I want a cookie so bad right now!!!!!

Andy:)

Utopia...Selah!

"Intrinsic goals are the ones we follow and complete and that add meaning". --Dr. Henry Cloud

They say you should choose goals that fit. Usually, my goals consist of finding a pair of jeans that fit. A goal that is far too often unattainable. Why is my current state...never good enough? Why am I never satisfied with what I see? I could be 30lbs lighter and probably would still feel FAT. Maybe I need to find a way to get comfortable with myself. Perhaps, that is a key to living.

Why the hell are there SO many keys to living? The keys to living look like a friggin' janitor key ring! And how the heck do we know which key unlocks which door?? It's like trying to find a needle in a haystack...or a thong on a four hundie! No fun and near impossible! I think I may have discovered one truth on this entire journey...and it is this...Do not worry about tomorrow...for tomorrow will worry about itself. Okay...two keys....the other being...pursue only those things that are congruent with who you are. I will never be an NBA basketball player...but I will be a marathon runner. It's attainable...and it will be great to get there...however, that is not what will make me happy.

'Happy' is something the world is chasing after. More money, more things, more relationships, more achievements. We want hotter, sexier bodies, have big houses, go on extravagant holidays and drive hawt cars. We are trying to find some kind of fountain of youth that will make us look younger and less saggy. Unfortunately, 'happy' does not come from those things...at least not long lasting 'happy'. Happy comes from things that are more intrinsic...like giving to others. Or...by not waiting for someday...or by stopping to smell the roses. Or maybe just enjoying the people who surround you and telling them you love them EVERY time you think of them.

I dare you to try that for a week!! Everytime you think of someone you love...tell them. Email, text, bbm, fb...try it. See how you feel. Be real. Be sincere. Don't be weird. Yeah..like if you are a stalker...I highly recommend you not do that. FREAK!

Anyways...I still have my goals...but achieving them is not what makes me happy. There is more to it than that. 'Happy' is complex and simple all at the same time. I am in my happy place now...it involves a beach, a cold drink, the sound of the ocean, sand, a hot man-servant and the latest edition of People Magazine. And while I lay on hammock, I can relish in the fact that I am a fat monster slayer and have a perfectly ripped body with a six pack and 20% body fat. Woooo!!! Utopia!! Happy now!

And with that said...dun-dun-duuuuuunnnnnn!!!!

...the first episode of Chunky Monkey TV!

Fat Monkey Vs. Skinny Monkey

Today I did a little bit of shopping. My trainer told me to reward myself for my achievements and I can think of no better way to reward myself then shopping. I found some awesome sneakers but decided to hold back. I love sneakers. They were Etnies (nothing is better) and they were very awesome. Of course, I tease Jo about how many different shoes she has and she teases me about buying the same style of sneakers over and over and over again. She also told me that I wasted my money on the UFC fight the other night. (Yes, I LOVE UFC. I want to go see one live). I of course said...the girl who spends $60 on skin products is pointing her finger at me for spending money on a UFC fight? She then pointed out that I spend money on purses and put gold on my face. So, at that point we decided that we both waste money on things that are frivolous and cannot point a finger. It's the pot calling the kettle black. I'm the pot. Just thought I should clarify that.

The UFC fight was awesome and I was so pumped after that I couldn't sleep. Maybe not the best thing for me to watch right before bed...but OMG...I loved it. What a great fight! And those guys have no chunky monkey in them. They are toned, ripped, cut and totally on top of their fitness. Sigh....maybe someday I will be on top of it.

Jo took me to Regina for my birthday. It's weird, but I didn't want to come. Now that I am here, I am SO glad I came. I am having so much fun. I also realize how well she knows me and appreciate so much that she would do this for me. What are friends for, eh??

I know she is a great friend as she is the type of friend that allows me to experiment on her. Because she is petite and I have sensory issues...well...she is often my guinea pig. Tonight, I practiced the fireman carry on her. I have carried her all over the hotel room trying to get the technique down just right. She doesn't think I will ever need to know how to do it...but I grew up believing...."it's better to have a shovel and not need it, then need a shovel and not have it"....if you catch my drift. If you don't get it...the meaning can be found in the movie Hoodwinked. The goat sings the "be prepared" song....I love this song. Actually, it is one of my favorite movies....more specifically...my favorite song. I would You Tube it if I were you.

You are probably thinking that a fun trip means fun eating. You are wrong. There is no fun eating. I ate clean and I worked out hard tonght. I did have a bit of a fight with myself yesterday though. While running my 10km...the litte fat monkey on my shoulder was fighting with the skinny monkey on my other shoulder. I don't know if my internal conflict was evident to others but there was a huge battle inside. On one shoulder the fat monkey is crying and carrying on...."I can't do it! It's too hard! Just quit!! You're too fat to run. Fat monkies don't run. Waaaaa!". Then the skinny monkey pipes up, "Stop crying! You're sabotaging us. We can do it. Keep running. Shut your mouth you fat little monkey.". And so the battle continued. I must say...the skinny monkey won...but the fat monkey came in a close second.

On the way into the hotel tonight, I saw him! Yes...the man. The man in the red suit. The man who loves milk and cookies. The guy that lives at the North pole, has eight tiny reindeer and has a belly like a bowl full of jelly. AND HE WORKS AT OUR HOTEL. I wanted to go jump on his knee and ask him for a new Burton hoodie, Etnie sneakers, six pack abs and tickets to the next UFC live in VEGAS! Of course, Joanne yanked me in to the elevator before I could leap onto his lap and give him my grown up Christmas list. She didn't think it was a good idea. I just told Jo that she had to believe. She will probably get a lump of coal in her stocking this year.

None the less...I can do the fireman's hold, I'm reading a GREAT book, had dinner with some great friends...and well...I just had an all around great day. It's too depressing to be depressed. So tomorrow, we will kick the chunky monkey in the ass and get just a little more fit!!

Night bloggosphere!!

Andy :)

ps-

I am supposed to tell all of you that Jo is not the friend who pees in the shower. Also, it was not Jo who was drying her underwear under the hand blower. Of course, I love the shower peer and the undie drying nut just the same. ;)

Gym Whore

Good morning people of the earth!!

My trainer was not kidding when she said my new program would challenge me. I think she is trying to kill me. I don't know what I ever did to her that would make her want to hurt me like this. After a strenuous work out last night, a great tan and a furious outburst of anger because locker 81 was occupied....I realized that this new program is going to be really tough. But when the road gets tough...the tough get going....or something like that. I was never very good at cheezball expressions.

Yesterday, I arrived at the gym at 7pm and didn't leave until...well...let's just say the gym was closed by the time I left. The new exercises are very challenging and to just take things up a notch, I decided to ball exchanges as fast as I could. OMG!! If that doesn't get rid of my baby belly...I don't know what will.

There is a new and very effective shoulder exercise incorporated into my routine. My trainer tells me it will give me some great shape and my arms should look 'cut' after a few months of this. So, I was very excited to get started. Of course, my choice in work out gear was not ideal for this sort of exercise. But how am I to forsee wardrobe malfunctions at the gym?

As I laid face down on the incline bench something horrible happened. As I was concentrating on lifting my arms forward with a good amount of weight at 10 o'clock and 2 o'clock, I noticed two of the guys were looking at me. As soon as they noticed I was looking at them. They both looked away quickly. It was like seeing a teenage boy blush and awkwardly look away as he sees the cover of Victoria Secret for the fist time.

So, naturally, I am wondering what the heck is the matter with these two guys. Of course, in the back of my mind, I am wondering what has gone awry with me, my clothes or who knows what. What's the dealyo? I put in another few reps to finish the set so as not to "appear" as though I am uncomfortable and worried to death about what is going wrong. Looking down at myself to see what possibly could be distracting the two dedicated guys I have seen work out night after night...I SAW it! The way in which I lay on the bench (EXACTLY how my trainer told me to do it) had pushed my girls upward and top that I was wearing had no hope in hell of covering me.

Horrified...I quickly stood up. Losing my balance as my arms were now exhausted from exertion I stumbled backwards. Catching myself before falling on the floor I regained my balance. I dropped the weights and as quickly as humanly possible, pulled my shirt back up over the HUGE amount of cleavage that was on display. MY GAWD! I feel like a whore of Babylon! A chunky monkey gym whore. A plus sized prostitute.

Now you may not think there is anything wrong with a bit of cleavage but I need you to know that I am not talking about a 'bit' of cleavage. I am talking about whole LOT of cleavage.

I am NEVER wearing that top again. And I am sure I made a lasting impression on the two lugs that were watching. I didn't look at them the rest of the night and hope I never see them ever again. The only problem is that they work out every single day...aaahhhhh. I guess it's all about making memories....but from now on, I will be more careful about the kind of memories I am making and ensuring my top is capable of covering...well....my top.

Sincerely,

Gym Whore

A Girl's Gotta Do What A Girl's Gotta Do!

Finally, the cold weather has taken a break! Minus 45 is not my idea of a good time. However, the snow seems to blow in the most beautiful patterns across the highway when it is this cold. I sometimes feel mesmerized by the way it twists and swirls...free from restraint. Oh brother, I feel like I am writing a Robert Frost poem and reciting it to a group of sleeping high school students. There is nothing romantic about the dead of winter. When I go outside and my entire body aches from the bitter bite of the cold...I often question why I live here. And when I leave the gym and my damp hair freezes instantly causing me to resemble something similar to Meduca...well...I just don't like the cold. I hate the cold. I despise it. I loathe it entirely.

Of course, it is groundhog day today so maybe he had some good news for us. I don't know why the heck he would even attempt to come out in the friggin' hole in the ground...it is freakin' cold. And just because I am whining about how cold it is I can prove it to you. A couple of our friends did an experiment...check this out! (Ryan...you are truly one of Swift Current's Rock Stars and I still disagree...Justin Timberlake is not groovy)

So, with the bitter bite of cold and the sun shining directly in my face at this moment, I must tell you that I got my body comp results back!! And well...to date...I have lost 20lbs of fat! So, I am feeling pretty good about that. My trainer tells me my new program is going to challenge me quite a bit. I thought the old program challenged me quite a bit!! So, I am totally going to die now!! More buffeting my flesh. And when I say that...I am not referring to a buffet....although, that would be really nice right now.

After my last post, I got an interesting email yesterday. A friend of mine emailed me and this is what she said and I quote, "I just got back from the gym and had to dry my undies under the hand

blower...does that count as a good workout!" OMG!! Of course, I howled as this is the most hysterical thing I heard all day. Of course, I am a very visual person and the image in my head was quite entertaining. And I can't help but ask...what the hell were you wearing while you were drying your undies under the hand dryer??? Dear Lord...please tell me you had a towel wrapped around you. Although, standing in the buff drying underwear makes it all the more funny. And honestly, if I walked into the change rooms at the gym and saw that...I would probably hug the person for doing it as I am sure I would laugh long and hard. Of course, I wouldn't hug them if they were naked...ahhhh....whatever. It's freakin' funny. Seriously though, this is one of the funniest things I have ever heard. But I guess dry sweaty undies is better than wet sweaty undies. I think I would have just gone commando! Yes, that's right...commando. It's not something I do regularly however, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do! And sometimes, a girl just has to dry her undies under the hand blower, go commando or pee in the shower.

Don't get me wrong. I DO NOT pee in the shower. But another one of my friends told me yesterday that she has actually peed in the shower! She doesn't do it on a regular basis...but she did do it once! LOL KRAZY!! Oh and the stories did not end there but in order to keep this blog rated PG...I am going to stop while I am ahead.

With all that said, I am pumped and ready to go hard at the gym. My trainer is watching...she's always watching. And I have to say, she really encouraged me last night and I am all ready to kick the chunky monkey in the a$$. And our first episode of Chunky Monkey TV is coming out next week...oh dear Lord...

Anyways, I have to get some work done or the boss is going to get on me about slacking off at work again....wait a minute...I am the boss! .

Chunky :)