On again...Off again...ON again!

Hello...cyber friends!! And as they say on Poltergeist..."They're back"...er ummm..."I'm back"!! So, I fell off the wagon. It happens. I am not going to beat myself up for it. And to be honest, I have been avoiding blogging because "you're always watching" and since I made a cyber oath that I would always be honest, well, I didn't want to face all of you...in cyber world. You may be irritated with me about this but "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn". In the midst of emotional upheaval and turmoil, well, the last thing I have wanted to do is go to the gym. However, being away has helped me to realize that this is the very time that I NEED the gym. Kind of like advertising...except different..."In good times we should exercise, in bad times we MUST exercise". On again...off again...I am going to beat this!!

And so I have learned this lesson, the hard way. And so I say to you chunky monkey...you may have won a battle...but I will win this war. And in the words of...umm..some big guy in the movies...oh yeah...Arnold...."Hasta la vista, baby!". And even though I have snuggled up to my chocolate bar late at night...whispering...."My precious"....I will not let my past cripple my future...nor will I snuggle up to a chocolate bar, stroke it nor allow it to consume me....I mean allow me to consume it. Ugggh...(insert tears)...abs of steel, abs of steel, where for art thou, abs of steel????

The only thing that can bring comfort right now besides chocolate is...umm...ya...every girl has got it...you know...if you dig deep down...way down into the bottom of your purse, you are sure to find it. That's right. On the best of days, on the worst of days....lip gloss can make you feel like a princess again. You pull out the applicator, purse your lips and apply a thin layer of shine. Nothing makes a girl feel like a girl again like lip gloss!! Well, at least that's how it makes some of my friends feel...I can't say that it's done the same for me...but heck...I am willing to try anything at this point. Okay...not ANYTHING...you know...anything within reason.

I have three months to whip my rear into shape for a marathon....ha ha...okay...the 10K run in my home town. So, it's time to kick some chunky monkey kiester...right outta da kitchen!!

Mmmmm.....I love salad. (sarcasm intended). Did I mention that I am in Vegas next week...for work?? Sigh!!! How do you train and eat right in Vegas??? They don't sell "salad" in Vegas...do they?? Anybody have any tips?

Chunky Monkey Episode 3

Chunky Monkey wears a bathing suit...UGGGG!!!

The quest for the After......

A fellow blogger, creator of Snappy Socks and an amazing entrepreneur and friend shares her struggles...check her out! This is one amazing lady!!!

Floor Hockey Princess Needs Tigerblood

What was I thinking? After receiving a desperate plead for help in the form of a text message at 11 pm Friday night, I agreed to brutalize my body all for the sake of a floor hockey tournament. It would have been okay if it was a women's league however, I hit the floor hockey floor with a mixture of mostly men and a few women. When I walked into the gymnasium at 9:30 Saturday morning....I realized what I had actually agreed to. Upon seeing the gigantic men and seasoned hockey women grace the ball hockey floor....I quivered with fear.

Having no choice, I had to play. I was tossed a Superman shirt and a sweaty hockey glove. I opted out of the sweaty hockey glove. And only one word comes to mind at the stench of the worn, disgusting, full of some boy's hand sweat.....EWWWWW!! I couldn't do it. It was swarming with bacteria and I would not subject my princess hand to the likes of it.

We lost our first game. It was discouraging to say the least. However, we made a huge come back in our second game and it raised our spirits enough to kick some butt on the gymnasium floor. I only bruised my thumb, arm, elbow, knee, shins and rib cage. And I only fell to ground once after bouncing off of a huge man who didn't even notice my princess body bounce off of him. The elbow to the nose did not draw any blood so I bounced back from that pretty good too.

After losing our first game, their star female player came over to talk to me. After cheering me up and giving me a pep talk...she called me a princess. GASP! I was horrified and tried to explain to her that I was beating the chunky monkey in me, worked out very diligently, ate well and would be running a half marathon. So I am NO princess. (I have some princess qualities but I am not one. I swear to you!) She then told me that I was a princess on the ball hockey floor. BUT.....BUT if I got a goal in our fourth game, she would remove my princess status and give me hard core hockey girl status. I had only known this girl in the heat of a ball hockey game and a few minutes on the sidelines and she had already tapped in to how I am motivated.

So, after four, 40-minute ball hockey games....in which my lungs burned, thighs quivered and butt hurt....I wished I had declined the invitation to play!! However, we WON the C-side and we were awarded some pretty non-princess type toques. I wanted to smoke the girl who hacked the heck out of my shins and of course pummel the guy who hit a slap shot at close range right into my rib cage (there is still a large bruise and welt)...but the good news is.....my team prevailed. AND....I got a goal at which point the seasoned female hockey veteran ran over to me, high-fived me and donned me with the high honor of floor hockey goddess!!!

The bad news...my body is hurting so bad I couldn't get to the gym Sunday or yesterday...but today....I am on it. I still can't bend over, my back hurts, my butt hurts, my calves hurt...actually the only thing that doesn't hurt is my head. And I am a rainbow of colors from all my bruises. I think I want to be a princess again. Or I would be cool with being Lady Gaga too!! Maybe I need some of that #tigerblood Charlie Sheen was talking about!!

Back to the gym....ughhh.

Andy :)

Your Baby is Ugly Part 1

Yesterday was a complete gong show! I had meetings scheduled in the thriving metropolis of Gull Lake, SK. Great little town by the way...and fantastic coffee at the local coffee shop! Jo and I thought our meeting was at 9.am. however, we were wrong. Our meeting was not until 10 a.m. and good thing!! We had no idea where the community hall was. We drove all over Gull Lake looking and asking local folks where it was. Anyways, we FINALLY found it....in about 15 minutes as Gull Lake isn't that big. Realizing we were early, we decided to go for coffee.

The small coffee shop brought back memories of my home town. And that is like opening a whole other can of worms. I still have some very sentimental feelings towards the people of Ponteix and will always remember it as my home. In fact, my grade 8 french teacher is now the mayor of the town. I am still a little afraid of her...but she is a good woman!

Anyways, the faint remnants of the smell of smoke permeated the coffee shop as it was not that long ago that Sakatchewan became "smoke free". It's funny how smells bring back memories. Of course, the stale odor of cigarette smoke instantly reminded me of my pa. He smoked for most of my childhood. I still love the smell of a freshly lit smoke as it always triggers memories of my dad. As sick as it sounds, I usually breathe it in...with a big deep breath. I always remember what it felt like to sit on his knee. He would bounce me around and I thought he was the most amazing man in the world. I was the apple of his eye and he always made me feel special. Just a great big teddy bear...that smelled like smoke...LOL. A teddy bear that always had a cig and a diet coke in his hand. Often on his way to teach the rotten grade seven students Science, baseball and photography at the local high school, he always smiled at me in a way that lit up my life. Weekends with him were often spent fishing, hunting, smoking and marking papers. That was my dad.

Anyways, I had to pack all my "healthy" food for the meeting as they were having pizza and caesar salad at lunch. Oh and did I mention Tim Horton's coffee and muffins. MMMM!!! None of which...I can have. So, I ate my rice cakes while everyone else indulged. My inner fat monkey was not very impressed...but she is slowly starving to death...snicker!!

At least I thought she was! She woke me up...actually....she prevented me from sleeping until about 2:30 a.m. last night!! I was SO hungry that I tossed and turned. Finally giving in to the cry of my tummy, I arose from my bed and drifted down to the dark kitchen. Desperate to stop the grumble of my screaming stomach, I made myself some toast and a protein shake. Probably not the best thing to eat...but hey...it's better than a chocolate bar.

Ahhh....to be continued...the camera crew is here.....stay tuned!!

Woe is me!

Happy Valentine's Day to all of you. With that said, I am feeling very anxious as this is the third day in a row that I have been sick.........in the morning. I didn't think much of it...until of course...today!

Early this morning, I frantically wrote out valentine's cards with my girls so that they had something to share with their classmates (I know...mother of the year). Jael set her alarm for 6:45 am just so she could get a head start. By the time I got out of the shower, she was 3/4 of the way finished.

So Eden and I wrote them out as fast as possible. As I sat there with my innocent 8 year old...I struggled to keep some horrible memories out of my head. Looking at her innocence and purity, it is hard to believe she said what she said.

A LONG time ago...she sort of accidentally interupted Brad and I. She opened the door and without even flinching (we were involved but not exposed...get your minds out of the gutter) she said, "oh...you guys are sexing. Trying to make a baby eh? No problem with me". Then she closed the door and left. I of course crawled into the fetal position and contemplated suicide. TOTAL mood killer. Brad laughed. I died. And the evening came to an abrupt end. And all her comments flooded into my head as we sat at the table this morning...how come she didn't flinch...my innocent little baby girl didn't even flinch. AHHH! I don't know what spurred the memory....but it made for a stressful morning. (Note: This happened a long long long time ago. Just thought you should know that.)

Giving my head a shake so I could focus and not re-live the horror, I got their skates, helmets, lunches and backpacks ready and sent them out the door. It was a race to get ready today!! Of course, when I was finally ready...the dog decided he was not going into his kennel so I played "cat and mouse" or rather "fat lady chasing irritating little dog" for 15 minutes. Finally, arriving at work, I started up the stairs to my office. It was then that it hit me. OMG!!! Please oh please oh please...I hope I just have the flu and nothing else!! If I am sick again tomorrow...well...I will just try to not think the worst. Ugggh!! Maybe that's why I am craving cookies...AHHHHH!!! (off to the pharmacy for a test!) Maybe I am just taking this too far....relax Chunky...you probably just have the flu...stop thinking the worst....(sniff, sniff, sob, sob) I never exaggerate....ever.

Anyways, I missed my run yesterday as I was...umm...not feeling well. I did feel much better by late afternoon and hit the hockey game with Brad. Of course, he ate a rink burger and fries right in front of me. This is probably the first time that I didn't long for the greasy disgustingness of a rink burger and fries as he indulged beside me. My stomach is not itself...I guess that's a good thing...I think. Hopefully all the vomiting will result in some weight-loss. I guess you could say (thank you Mark) that I am only two flus away from my goal weight!

This week, I will have to squeeze my big run in. Uggh! And the week is crazy to say the least. And my chest is sore...and my stomach is upset....and I'm grumpy. Oh and did I mention that much to my surprise...I have arm pit fat!!! Who the heck makes the bras these days?! Gawd...no wonder I stand in front of the mirror in the morning crying and scowling at my sagging aging body. Every girl at some point in her life has to face the fact that she has back fat, arm pit fat and well...gravity is starting to show it's effects. I blame it on breast feeding a baby or two...it completely destroys your body. Or is it age? Or is it both? Come on girls...you were once perkier...PERK UP!!

Wow!! I am a complete optimist today. What can I say...it's Monday! Off to the gym later to work chest (oh the irony of this) and biceps...as hard as possible so that I can moan and groan as I soak in my tub of very hot water and bath salts while hoping that I am not "with child". All for the sake of beauty!!! Okay...not beauty...but for health. For feeling better. For being a good example. My trainer tells me that working my chest will keep me perky. WELL, I AM ALREADY LOSING THE PERKY BATTLE...AHHHH! Woe is me!!!

Okay...rant over. Happy Cupid's Day!

Sincerely, Chunky.

Give me a cookie!!!!!

Sleepless in Swifty

Not one wink of sleep for me last night! I was sleepless in Swifty. However, it wasn't a night where I wrestled with something in my head. I spent most of the night just thinking about my relationships and how much I appreciate my support group. And yes, I am sentimental so it kept me awake...all night. Each hour passed and I reflected on what I have learned even in the last week. When I consider the people God has brought into my life...just for me...I count myself blessed over and above all I could hope, think or ask for. My sleep was not a cold, restless, sleepless night...more like a warm, whole, restful, sleepless night. Krazy...I know. But so true!

My entire journey that began three years ago has completely erupted into a mobius strip experience. I feel like the prisoner who left Plato's Cave for the first time. It's as if one day...I 'woke up'...metaphorically speaking. My life has more meaning, depth, love and peace today than it ever has. I have also felt more pain than ever before as I face things that I have avoided for a very long time. But I am moving past the former things and I will not dwell on things that have been taken from me. This is absolutely crucial in defeating the chunky monkey in me. Why? Because the more comfortable I am with myself, the more I can reach out to those around me and the end result is fulfillment and contentment. That is something a chocolate chip cookie or glass of wine can NEVER give me.

One day the following will be in my book...if I ever get around to writing it...I wrote this last year...it's scribbled down on a piece of paper from the Sutton Place Hotel in Vancouver...I am going to keep it...it's tattered and torn...but so much a piece of who I am. Read on...

Love. Intentional demonstrations of love that we consciously integrate into our everyday interactions with the people we value, produce platonic, intimate and long lasting relationships. Allowing ourselves to love, be loved and be vulnerable creates an atmosphere conducive to nurturing a deeper level of relationship. Ultimately, intimacy in its purest form results in feelings of purpose and fulfillment in both the giver and receiver.

The definition of love must be consistent with both the giver and the receiver in order to maintain a healthy understanding of one another. Managing interrogations of each individual if discrepancies exist is the heartbeat of the relationship, adds value and depth to it. The response from each individual will determine the ultimate overall success of the relationship. The giver and receiver must be able to alternate roles and have mutual understanding of one another.

However, love in its truest measure is unconditional and cannot be limited to "taking turns". Love then becomes an extension of oneself while expecting nor requiring anything in return. Thus we understand that love is not based on conditions or approval, nor is it earned. It is not withheld when 'wrongs' are committed. It is in that moment that the extension of love and understanding removes the stain of guilt, regret, shame and dishonor.

Love freely given and freely received produces "fruit" in our lives. In other words, giving and receiving must both occur in order to yield a "bumper crop" of love and acceptance. If the interaction contains both giving and receiving in alternating existence, a whole new level of love will be experienced.

I am learning what it means to...love. Myself, my family, my friends. Sometimes we lose things in our life...BUT God has a way of bringing them back to us. They are always in a different package...and they are always a surprise...but there is no better way to give a gift unless it is both a surprise and in a unique package...right?

Andy :)

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

TaTa Tamer

Today was another exciting day filming some chunky monkey tv. The irony of all this is that it is incredibly difficult to to eat on time, drink enough water and fit "gym time" into my day. My trainer did have a bit of fun with me today when she recommended that I buy a TaTa Tamer for LuLu Lemon. Why in the heck would she say that? What you sayin' beeeotch? LOL. I guess she thinks my TaTa's need to be tamed!!

And as much as say how buff and scary my trainer is...I need you to know that she is the sweetest lady. She is so encouraging and she is definitely fascinating. She was one of Swift Current's 5 most fascinating people for 2010. So, for me, it is quite an honor to have a trainer who is a professional body builder and is an all around amazing person. You rock, Lyris!!

So after 3 hours of filming at the gym today, I went to the locker room to get changed. It was then that I realized that George (the producer) had lost my key to my locker. He of course was really upset about it. I wasn't upset a bit. I was just going through blackberry withdrawl. Three hours...no blackberry...AHHH! And now the key is gone. However, George found it. Poor guy felt really bad. I wasn't upset...what's the worst that can happen...we have to bust the lock. No biggie!! However, I had almost 40 emails to catch up on. YIKES!! Not a good feeling.

Anyways, I haven't had a break all day. So, I am going to eat, sit back in my chair at the office, listen to some tunes and try and take a rest before my next meeting. Tomorrow brings a whole new collection of experiences for chunky monkey tv. Oh gawd...this will be my ultimate test. Did I mention I have to fit the gym in.

I want a cookie so bad right now!!!!!

Andy:)

Utopia...Selah!

"Intrinsic goals are the ones we follow and complete and that add meaning". --Dr. Henry Cloud

They say you should choose goals that fit. Usually, my goals consist of finding a pair of jeans that fit. A goal that is far too often unattainable. Why is my current state...never good enough? Why am I never satisfied with what I see? I could be 30lbs lighter and probably would still feel FAT. Maybe I need to find a way to get comfortable with myself. Perhaps, that is a key to living.

Why the hell are there SO many keys to living? The keys to living look like a friggin' janitor key ring! And how the heck do we know which key unlocks which door?? It's like trying to find a needle in a haystack...or a thong on a four hundie! No fun and near impossible! I think I may have discovered one truth on this entire journey...and it is this...Do not worry about tomorrow...for tomorrow will worry about itself. Okay...two keys....the other being...pursue only those things that are congruent with who you are. I will never be an NBA basketball player...but I will be a marathon runner. It's attainable...and it will be great to get there...however, that is not what will make me happy.

'Happy' is something the world is chasing after. More money, more things, more relationships, more achievements. We want hotter, sexier bodies, have big houses, go on extravagant holidays and drive hawt cars. We are trying to find some kind of fountain of youth that will make us look younger and less saggy. Unfortunately, 'happy' does not come from those things...at least not long lasting 'happy'. Happy comes from things that are more intrinsic...like giving to others. Or...by not waiting for someday...or by stopping to smell the roses. Or maybe just enjoying the people who surround you and telling them you love them EVERY time you think of them.

I dare you to try that for a week!! Everytime you think of someone you love...tell them. Email, text, bbm, fb...try it. See how you feel. Be real. Be sincere. Don't be weird. Yeah..like if you are a stalker...I highly recommend you not do that. FREAK!

Anyways...I still have my goals...but achieving them is not what makes me happy. There is more to it than that. 'Happy' is complex and simple all at the same time. I am in my happy place now...it involves a beach, a cold drink, the sound of the ocean, sand, a hot man-servant and the latest edition of People Magazine. And while I lay on hammock, I can relish in the fact that I am a fat monster slayer and have a perfectly ripped body with a six pack and 20% body fat. Woooo!!! Utopia!! Happy now!

And with that said...dun-dun-duuuuuunnnnnn!!!!

...the first episode of Chunky Monkey TV!

Fat Monkey Vs. Skinny Monkey

Today I did a little bit of shopping. My trainer told me to reward myself for my achievements and I can think of no better way to reward myself then shopping. I found some awesome sneakers but decided to hold back. I love sneakers. They were Etnies (nothing is better) and they were very awesome. Of course, I tease Jo about how many different shoes she has and she teases me about buying the same style of sneakers over and over and over again. She also told me that I wasted my money on the UFC fight the other night. (Yes, I LOVE UFC. I want to go see one live). I of course said...the girl who spends $60 on skin products is pointing her finger at me for spending money on a UFC fight? She then pointed out that I spend money on purses and put gold on my face. So, at that point we decided that we both waste money on things that are frivolous and cannot point a finger. It's the pot calling the kettle black. I'm the pot. Just thought I should clarify that.

The UFC fight was awesome and I was so pumped after that I couldn't sleep. Maybe not the best thing for me to watch right before bed...but OMG...I loved it. What a great fight! And those guys have no chunky monkey in them. They are toned, ripped, cut and totally on top of their fitness. Sigh....maybe someday I will be on top of it.

Jo took me to Regina for my birthday. It's weird, but I didn't want to come. Now that I am here, I am SO glad I came. I am having so much fun. I also realize how well she knows me and appreciate so much that she would do this for me. What are friends for, eh??

I know she is a great friend as she is the type of friend that allows me to experiment on her. Because she is petite and I have sensory issues...well...she is often my guinea pig. Tonight, I practiced the fireman carry on her. I have carried her all over the hotel room trying to get the technique down just right. She doesn't think I will ever need to know how to do it...but I grew up believing...."it's better to have a shovel and not need it, then need a shovel and not have it"....if you catch my drift. If you don't get it...the meaning can be found in the movie Hoodwinked. The goat sings the "be prepared" song....I love this song. Actually, it is one of my favorite movies....more specifically...my favorite song. I would You Tube it if I were you.

You are probably thinking that a fun trip means fun eating. You are wrong. There is no fun eating. I ate clean and I worked out hard tonght. I did have a bit of a fight with myself yesterday though. While running my 10km...the litte fat monkey on my shoulder was fighting with the skinny monkey on my other shoulder. I don't know if my internal conflict was evident to others but there was a huge battle inside. On one shoulder the fat monkey is crying and carrying on...."I can't do it! It's too hard! Just quit!! You're too fat to run. Fat monkies don't run. Waaaaa!". Then the skinny monkey pipes up, "Stop crying! You're sabotaging us. We can do it. Keep running. Shut your mouth you fat little monkey.". And so the battle continued. I must say...the skinny monkey won...but the fat monkey came in a close second.

On the way into the hotel tonight, I saw him! Yes...the man. The man in the red suit. The man who loves milk and cookies. The guy that lives at the North pole, has eight tiny reindeer and has a belly like a bowl full of jelly. AND HE WORKS AT OUR HOTEL. I wanted to go jump on his knee and ask him for a new Burton hoodie, Etnie sneakers, six pack abs and tickets to the next UFC live in VEGAS! Of course, Joanne yanked me in to the elevator before I could leap onto his lap and give him my grown up Christmas list. She didn't think it was a good idea. I just told Jo that she had to believe. She will probably get a lump of coal in her stocking this year.

None the less...I can do the fireman's hold, I'm reading a GREAT book, had dinner with some great friends...and well...I just had an all around great day. It's too depressing to be depressed. So tomorrow, we will kick the chunky monkey in the ass and get just a little more fit!!

Night bloggosphere!!

Andy :)

Gym Whore

Good morning people of the earth!!

My trainer was not kidding when she said my new program would challenge me. I think she is trying to kill me. I don't know what I ever did to her that would make her want to hurt me like this. After a strenuous work out last night, a great tan and a furious outburst of anger because locker 81 was occupied....I realized that this new program is going to be really tough. But when the road gets tough...the tough get going....or something like that. I was never very good at cheezball expressions.

Yesterday, I arrived at the gym at 7pm and didn't leave until...well...let's just say the gym was closed by the time I left. The new exercises are very challenging and to just take things up a notch, I decided to ball exchanges as fast as I could. OMG!! If that doesn't get rid of my baby belly...I don't know what will.

There is a new and very effective shoulder exercise incorporated into my routine. My trainer tells me it will give me some great shape and my arms should look 'cut' after a few months of this. So, I was very excited to get started. Of course, my choice in work out gear was not ideal for this sort of exercise. But how am I to forsee wardrobe malfunctions at the gym?

As I laid face down on the incline bench something horrible happened. As I was concentrating on lifting my arms forward with a good amount of weight at 10 o'clock and 2 o'clock, I noticed two of the guys were looking at me. As soon as they noticed I was looking at them. They both looked away quickly. It was like seeing a teenage boy blush and awkwardly look away as he sees the cover of Victoria Secret for the fist time.

So, naturally, I am wondering what the heck is the matter with these two guys. Of course, in the back of my mind, I am wondering what has gone awry with me, my clothes or who knows what. What's the dealyo? I put in another few reps to finish the set so as not to "appear" as though I am uncomfortable and worried to death about what is going wrong. Looking down at myself to see what possibly could be distracting the two dedicated guys I have seen work out night after night...I SAW it! The way in which I lay on the bench (EXACTLY how my trainer told me to do it) had pushed my girls upward and top that I was wearing had no hope in hell of covering me.

Horrified...I quickly stood up. Losing my balance as my arms were now exhausted from exertion I stumbled backwards. Catching myself before falling on the floor I regained my balance. I dropped the weights and as quickly as humanly possible, pulled my shirt back up over the HUGE amount of cleavage that was on display. MY GAWD! I feel like a whore of Babylon! A chunky monkey gym whore. A plus sized prostitute.

Now you may not think there is anything wrong with a bit of cleavage but I need you to know that I am not talking about a 'bit' of cleavage. I am talking about whole LOT of cleavage.

I am NEVER wearing that top again. And I am sure I made a lasting impression on the two lugs that were watching. I didn't look at them the rest of the night and hope I never see them ever again. The only problem is that they work out every single day...aaahhhhh. I guess it's all about making memories....but from now on, I will be more careful about the kind of memories I am making and ensuring my top is capable of covering...well....my top.

Sincerely,

Gym Whore

A Girl's Gotta Do What A Girl's Gotta Do!

Finally, the cold weather has taken a break! Minus 45 is not my idea of a good time. However, the snow seems to blow in the most beautiful patterns across the highway when it is this cold. I sometimes feel mesmerized by the way it twists and swirls...free from restraint. Oh brother, I feel like I am writing a Robert Frost poem and reciting it to a group of sleeping high school students. There is nothing romantic about the dead of winter. When I go outside and my entire body aches from the bitter bite of the cold...I often question why I live here. And when I leave the gym and my damp hair freezes instantly causing me to resemble something similar to Meduca...well...I just don't like the cold. I hate the cold. I despise it. I loathe it entirely.

Of course, it is groundhog day today so maybe he had some good news for us. I don't know why the heck he would even attempt to come out in the friggin' hole in the ground...it is freakin' cold. And just because I am whining about how cold it is I can prove it to you. A couple of our friends did an experiment...check this out! (Ryan...you are truly one of Swift Current's Rock Stars and I still disagree...Justin Timberlake is not groovy)

So, with the bitter bite of cold and the sun shining directly in my face at this moment, I must tell you that I got my body comp results back!! And well...to date...I have lost 20lbs of fat! So, I am feeling pretty good about that. My trainer tells me my new program is going to challenge me quite a bit. I thought the old program challenged me quite a bit!! So, I am totally going to die now!! More buffeting my flesh. And when I say that...I am not referring to a buffet....although, that would be really nice right now.

After my last post, I got an interesting email yesterday. A friend of mine emailed me and this is what she said and I quote, "I just got back from the gym and had to dry my undies under the hand

blower...does that count as a good workout!" OMG!! Of course, I howled as this is the most hysterical thing I heard all day. Of course, I am a very visual person and the image in my head was quite entertaining. And I can't help but ask...what the hell were you wearing while you were drying your undies under the hand dryer??? Dear Lord...please tell me you had a towel wrapped around you. Although, standing in the buff drying underwear makes it all the more funny. And honestly, if I walked into the change rooms at the gym and saw that...I would probably hug the person for doing it as I am sure I would laugh long and hard. Of course, I wouldn't hug them if they were naked...ahhhh....whatever. It's freakin' funny. Seriously though, this is one of the funniest things I have ever heard. But I guess dry sweaty undies is better than wet sweaty undies. I think I would have just gone commando! Yes, that's right...commando. It's not something I do regularly however, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do! And sometimes, a girl just has to dry her undies under the hand blower, go commando or pee in the shower.

Don't get me wrong. I DO NOT pee in the shower. But another one of my friends told me yesterday that she has actually peed in the shower! She doesn't do it on a regular basis...but she did do it once! LOL KRAZY!! Oh and the stories did not end there but in order to keep this blog rated PG...I am going to stop while I am ahead.

With all that said, I am pumped and ready to go hard at the gym. My trainer is watching...she's always watching. And I have to say, she really encouraged me last night and I am all ready to kick the chunky monkey in the a$$. And our first episode of Chunky Monkey TV is coming out next week...oh dear Lord...

Anyways, I have to get some work done or the boss is going to get on me about slacking off at work again....wait a minute...I am the boss! .

Chunky :)

The Underwear Gauge

Off to the gym this morning! I figure I have to get that out of the way as tonight is a big night for my niece and I wouldn't miss it for the world. The theme of the day today is to work out...really really hard. I have some catching up to do as the last week was a complete write off. I am done to 154 lbs and that is brilliantly awesome...however, if I would have stayed on track, I would probably be down to 151 lbs. So close to breaking the 150 lb barrier. So at the gym today, I am going to work hard. I have a philosophy that if I can keep the same pair of underwear on after my workout...I have not worked out hard enough! And if I can keep the same pair of underwear on...well...that is just plain disgusting. Anyways, it's a good gauge...if your body is soaked with sweat...then you did a good job. If not, you are completely copping out.

Jo and her chillin's were over last night for dinner and Jo so emphatically expressed to me that I was obnoxious again and how happy that made her. Awww...what a great bfff! And I can't even retaliate because she knows my visa number, login passwords for virtually everything and my pin. So revenge is not even an option. But I did enjoy hanging out with her. And it was way better than having "company" that comes only for the food and take no time to socialize because they are too busy. Not too busy to eat my food but too busy to have a coffee after?!! You know who I mean...the kind that are like grasshoppers. They come, they eat, they leave. I didn't actually invite you over to eat...I invited you over to visit!!

Everything we do is so focused around food. When the people of the earth gather....they eat. Some drink. Some dance. Some drink and dance but they all share one thing in common.....they eat. And I am guilty of this too. I can't count the number of times that I have approached the dinner table like a ravenous gluttonous starving hyena. I said 'like' a starving hyena...not that I am one. Clearly....I am not. Take a look at the meat on my bones. If I was the Thanksgiving turkey, I would be the one that needs the supersized roasting pan. So just imagine how awkward it is for me to run with all the junk in my trunk. I kind of look like a supersized turkey with shorts that ride up her arse and of course with the added benefit of thighs of thunder.

But I intend to change that. I am going to go run today and do back and triceps. Saturday is rest day and CHEAT day........AND Sunday....I am going to run 10km. Jesus help me.

Okay....have a great weekend my cyber buddies!!! I will post again on Sunday night....unless something amazing happens. Or something ridiculous. Who am I kidding...something ridiculous always happens. So, expect to hear from me. Toodles.

ps- I am listening to Rock and Roll Girl right now.....Rock on peops of the earth!! And I forgot that I was only in my underwear and only remembered that when I was standing on my front step getting the mail out of the mail box this morning. Somebody kill me please!! AHHHHHH!!!! Okay...putting the People Magazine down and going to the gym!!!!!

Andy

pps- dedicated to my fabulous five!! Click here!

It's How You Run The Race

Just as promised...I made it to the gym. And just as expected it felt really really good!! It's not whether you win or lose...it's how you run the race, right?! That metaphor is so true and it is so true when it comes to running. It is all about technique. The more I improve my technique, the more efficiently I will run...thus causing me to finish well. This is so true in real life. I am going to finish well.

Part of "running the race" requires me to break-free of some old cycles and patterns in my running. I noticed today that I clench my fists tightly when I run. Becoming aware of my tightened fists allowed me to relax my hands...thus conserving energy. Instead of looking down at the timer on the treadmill, I look straight ahead to ensure proper posture and form. Looking down is dangerous in running as one cannot see oncoming danger....but more importantly form is compromised and in doing so....one cannot focus on the finish. You have to look ahead when you run...you can't watch your feet or have your head down. You have to lift your chin up. When you lift your chin up, you can see what lies ahead....the beginning of a slope....or the end of one.

Runner's occasionally hit the "wall" in running. In that moment, every part of you feels like it will collapse. Your lungs burn, your thighs throb and your brow is soaked with sweat. You don't feel like you can push yourself any farther. But upon pushing past the end of yourself, you break-thru your wall and find yourself energized and capable of pressing on.

And there will always be those people on the sidelines who should be your biggest fans...but they throw their sticks and stones on your path to trip you up. But if you look just a little farther down the road, your family is cheering you on every step of the way. And it is because of them that you find the strength to dodge the obstacles and finish well.

And since I feel like I belong in Texas (everything is big in Texas)...I know that I am an overcomer. And even though I am extremely tempted to just be a hippie and live on a beautiful beach in Australia...I will not give up. What the heck am I talking about?! I am going to Australia and being a hippy. Well...I am going to be a clean hippy at the very least. But just so there is no confusion...no dreads allowed and I am most certainly going to wear anti-perspirant. I don't know why...but now I have that annoying song from the Pee Wee Herman Movie...."The stars at night, are big and bright.....(clap, clap, clap, clap).....deep in the heart of Texas". What a dumb show! Well, except for Large Marg....I loved her!! She was big. And from Texas. But then so were the Beverly Hill billies....I could use some Texas Tea about now. Then I could inflate the prices, make all of you pay even more for fuel and then slowly take over the world. Ah....what a feelin'!!

Night...this Chunky is chunked out!! Slayin' the fat monster one ounce at a time!!

Andy

Day 108: Chunky Monkey TV

So...here is a little taste of Chunky Monkey TV....ahhhh!!

Chunky TV

I am feeling very chunky right now!!! And I haven't been to the gym yet!!! Nooooo!!! Long day....very long day. And so tomorrow will be another very busy day....but I will eat according to plan. I will not cheat. Even though there will be chocolate chip oatmeal cookies and a plethora of other amazing treats. (God...help me!!)

Andy :)

Day 107

I started today with a good dose of Abba, a Saskatchwan Sunrise and a mini dance party in my bathroom. Who says I can't rock out in my shower?! In my bathroom...I am a rock star!! Today started out grrreat!! In an attempt to have some effective "team building", I took Joanne south of Swifty today to see a breath taking Saskatchewan sunrise.

With the great sound of Abba pumping through my trucks speakers...we took in the sunrise. And then suddenly, I had an idea. I tossed my camera at Joanne and burst out of the car door. Not even thinking, I ran across the blustery highway in my heels and turned my back to the sun. I didn't consider the fact that I was standing in the middle of a highway as I struck a pose. Quickly, Jo snapped a pic and I bolted back to the safety of my vehicle. Oh what a feeling!!! It was great team building, it was completely insane and it was a great way to start the day.

The day kind of seemed like a smelly sardine sandwich. It started good, the middle stunk and the end was awesome. The day ended with a Great Big Sea concert...what could be better than that? I had so much fun!! In fact, it reminded me how much fun having fun is. I am a little reluctant to admit this...but I missed the gym today. I figure a GBS concert was worth it. And since I still stuck to my eating plan, the fat monster will not gain any territory on me today!!

Tomorrow is a big day as I will be filming the first chunky monkey episode, getting my body comp completed and preparing the final preparations for our business launch on Friday.

And I am super pumped as two of my dear friends...one from TO and the other from NY are coming tomorrow night. This will be a true test for me as I am training and will not be able to have a party in my mouth. AHHHH!!! I am already weak in the knees just thinking about it. I must stay strong. I can get through a weekend of celebratory food and beverage and not give in to the cries of the fat monster. DIE you screaming glutton!! Die!!

Things to take note of: 1. Joanne baked me a wonderful batch of her amazing short bread cookies with chocolate chips on top. Melt in your mouth....goodness!!! Cheat day was amazing...thank you god for chocolate chips!!! 2. My fitness friend Gail is kicking butt in her battle to slay the fat monster- you are doing so good and you look great. I know we are competing against each other in the gut buster's challenge...but woooo...you lookin' good girl!!! 3. Life is full of the good, the bad and the ugly. In fact, every day has all three of those elements. I choose to remember the good, to move past the bad and make the ugly pretty.

Chunking out!!

Andy

Day 106

5 a.m. came with a vengeance this morning as I woke up absolutely famished. I have never felt so uncomfortable in my life. I laid in my bed for an hour and a half thinking about how good breakfast would taste and feel. And it's not a good sign when a person is dreaming about how good oatmeal will taste. And then I fell asleep. And then I woke up again and I was sure I had the flu as I felt like I was going to woof my cookies. However, how can one "woof their cookies" if one's stomach is completely empty? It's called dry heaving...and there is nothing good about that.

So after eating my oatmeal, protein shake and orange, I felt way better. However, shortly after feeling better about my breakfast, I went to make my bed and noticed that my finger (the one I cut last night making supper) split open and bled right by my pillow. Of course, I am completely disgusted as I forgot about it until now. Now being...the time I get back into bed for the night. ARRRGH!

I did however, surprise myself today when I went to the bathroom and pulled my dress pants down....and realized that I forgot to undo them. Wooo...bye bye hips. This is a good sign and it makes me think that all the running is worth it. It is right??

I am getting all psyched up for Thursday as we are filming our first two minute episode of chunky monkey. AHHH!! My nerves are definitely not nerves of steal!!! I am not feeling very fit....and doesn't television make you look fatter than you already are?! AHHH!!!!! I just spent three months losing ten pounds...now a camera is going to add twenty! My heart crumbles into a pile on the floor only to be swept up and thrown into the trash. (DRAMA...I know...but I can't help it....it's part of who I am so....just deal with it).

I hope I can sleep. Nervousness plus hunger...not a good combo. Throwing up now....

Sweet Dreams!!!

Chunky

Day 101

Woe is me...for I am undone! My body afflicted. My thighs...quivering. My lungs....burning. Running is hard work and oh my gosh...I feel like I'm going to die. It is not easy and my chunky body does not feel ready for it. I can feel every ounce of fat jiggling as I run. And of course, I wore the wrong shorts today....as they creeped and crawled the entire time my fat jiggled on the treadmill. So, while the people on the elliptical trainers behind me watched me fight with my crawling shorts, I struggled with good form and technique as picking wedgies does not support good jogging technique.

Gawd...big busted women should not be running either. Yes, I have a great few sports bras...it's just that...well...it's hard to lug those babies around while prancing on a treadmill. Okay...it's far from prancing...it's like I am back in junior high...and I'm the fat girl stomping and grunting around the track. Gawd...somebody kill me please. And to make it worse...today...I got a cramp. I have never had a cramp before. I had to walk in the middle of my run because of my cramp. And because of walking...I lost momentum (mentally). So I left the gym feeling like I didn't get the best work out. Big busted chunky monkey did not get a good work out in today. Alas!! I have failed. But the good thing is....is that I get to do it all over again tomorrow. Can you hear the enthusiasm in my voice???

And what the heck was the gingerbread man thinking..."run run as fast as you can...you can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man....." Of course, I can't catch you. I've been eating you all day and now I am too FAT to run. First you tempt me to eat you....and then you taunt me when I can't catch you. I hate you little gingerbread man. You don't have to run with boobs and chunky thighs. Like who the hell wrote all these childhood nursery rhymes anyways?? How about old mother hubbard!? Like what the heck is her problem. No food!!! NO wonder I like to eat...I'm afraid of a bare cupboard and getting whipped soundly and sent to bed. And I want my dog to have a bone!! I associate no food with being whipped and my dog starving to death. Next thing you know, I will be singing Ring-around-the-Rosie and falling to my horrible lonely death. And this is what we are teaching our children??!! All this time I thought it was Barbie's fault. Now I think it is Mother Goose's fault.

I have no excuse for this rant. It's just that my workout was not so hot today....and I feel frustrated. Again...some stored up anger from the fact that somebody was in locker 81 again today.

And I have to weigh myself tomorrow. Uggh! ....must press on..........

Night!

Andy :)

Day 98: Roads Closed

My Calgary trip/Dr. Appointment may be postponed as the roads are closed...thanks to Mother Nature. We will try later on...in the meantime, no hot chocolate for me on this blustery cold snowy morning. Gotta slay the fat monster one day at a time. Thank God for four-wheel drive!! It's -29 degrees C outside and I would love to hibernate today. Welcome to the prairies!!

Running outside will not be happening...so, it's off to the gym for some cardio. Did I mention my legs feel like they are going to fall off today? Yesterday's run was great...but my body is paying for it. Spaghetti legs is an understatement.

.....hey....since I have been training...the phrase eat drink and be merry no longer applies....what else can one do besides eat, drink and be merry?? Starve, sip and be sad?? It's no wonder that prairie people struggle with weight. What else can you do when the weather is this ugly?!

Eat, Drink and Be Merry....er...ummm....diet, drink water and try to find your smile,

Chunky

Day 97: Forecast: Sunny

Sometimes I have to stop and catch my breath. It is so easy to get caught up in all the ups and downs and ugly parts of life and forget who I am. I am reminded today....of who I am and where I am going. And even though things sometimes feel really really challenging....hopeless...and absolutely impossible....there is always a rainbow after an ugly storm. And even if I have to paint a friggin' rainbow on the ceiling of my bedroom...I will. It will remind me at the end of every ugly day, that after every storm, there comes one of this earth's most beautiful phenomenon's--the rainbow. Metaphorically speaking of course. I am determined to see my rainbow!!!!!!!! This is the year!!! The year when my tears will be dried...and all of my promises and hopes....will NOT be denied. Forecast: SUNNY

You may not agree that a rainbow in phenomenal...that's okay...I really think it is quite beautiful. I used to imagine when I was a kid what it would be like to find the end of a rainbow. Stay with me here...I KNOW finding the end of a rainbow is impossible. I did graduate!! I imagined these things as a little girl. But if a person could find the end of it...I imagine myself running through a pasture....and passing through each vibrant color. Perhaps I would have to run 50 feet before leaving one color and leaping into the next. I imagine each of the colors to be invigorating and amazing in their own way. The beauty of the light it produced would be unsurpassable and it would feel like another time and another place. Anyways, I used to daydream about rainbows in this manner when I was a little girl. And there is still something amazing about rainbows to me...even though I am 32 years of age. Okay fine....I am almost 33 but I am not there yet!!

Rainbows are amazing...from a biblical perspective, they are God's promise not to flood the earth. From a child's perspective, they are an amazing discovery that stimulates curiosity and imagination. From an adult's perspective...well...they are not even worth mentioning. But for me (I am not an adult everyday), they are a reminder that after we go through something....And that is the point, if we go through something, we don't stick around...we keep going to the other side. And on the other side is an amazing display of color and light. No storm....no rainbow.

All this deep rainbow talk is simply my way of working through some personal relationship struggles. I shared with you at the end of last year that I wanted to improve the relationships that matter to me. Not an easy process. A painful one. But a necessary one. So that is where I am at today.

This morning I woke up feeling down. Of course, Sundays seem to always come with a vengeance for me. I don't know why. I don't like Sundays. They are sad days for me. And since today I woke up and was feeling under the weather...the Sunday blues were that much more forceful.

I decided that I could not lay in my bed a moment longer for many reasons. First and foremost, being down and out doesn't go away unless pushed away. Secondly because my trainer had instructed me to start my new program today. And finally, my beautiful angels were anxious for me to hang out with them. Let's be honest...they were hungry.

I got up. Made lunch. (The time between getting up and making lunch consisted of...me getting out of bed at 10:30, eating my breakfast, greeting my family and laying back down in my bed feeling sorry for myself). Then I decided enough was enough and reviewed today's training program. I get bonus points with my trainer if I work out today. First on the agenda....run 10 KM. That's it....just go to the gym and run 10 K. AAAHHHH!!! I can't just run 10 K!

Well, I went to the gym. I ended up running 6.76 KM within 60 minutes. So, I am first of all slow and second of all under the 10 K. That's okay. I am actually feeling quite good about it. I have never run that far in my life so for me this is a great achievement. And the endorphins after...my God!! I felt like I could have solved world hunger and cured cancer this afternoon. So, I decided to get groceries. A little less rewarding than solving world hunger and curing cancer, but still very necessary. The children have to eat you know!!

I must say...I feel great. My body hurts so I am getting ready for a hot bath...with a wee bit of Radox muscle soak in it. I will finish reading my magazine. I will snap my fingers for Raul...for he will bring me my hot tea and then he will massage my feet. I will sit back in my jet tub and just drift away. SNAP OUT OF IT!! Fine...I will sit in my tub...sip cold water from my tap...and scrub the calluses from my feet. Reality bites!! But running felt GREAT.

Now, I just have to work myself up to running 21KM and I am ready for a half marathon. YIKES!!!! Anything is possible right? So, it's possible for a chunky monkey to run in a marathon and not die??? Has it ever been done by a fatty before??? Well, there's a first time for everything. And after all, the race will be worth it....for there will be a rainbow for me at the end of it.

Night!!

Chunky