Sleepless in Swifty

Not one wink of sleep for me last night! I was sleepless in Swifty. However, it wasn't a night where I wrestled with something in my head. I spent most of the night just thinking about my relationships and how much I appreciate my support group. And yes, I am sentimental so it kept me awake...all night. Each hour passed and I reflected on what I have learned even in the last week. When I consider the people God has brought into my life...just for me...I count myself blessed over and above all I could hope, think or ask for. My sleep was not a cold, restless, sleepless night...more like a warm, whole, restful, sleepless night. Krazy...I know. But so true!

My entire journey that began three years ago has completely erupted into a mobius strip experience. I feel like the prisoner who left Plato's Cave for the first time. It's as if one day...I 'woke up'...metaphorically speaking. My life has more meaning, depth, love and peace today than it ever has. I have also felt more pain than ever before as I face things that I have avoided for a very long time. But I am moving past the former things and I will not dwell on things that have been taken from me. This is absolutely crucial in defeating the chunky monkey in me. Why? Because the more comfortable I am with myself, the more I can reach out to those around me and the end result is fulfillment and contentment. That is something a chocolate chip cookie or glass of wine can NEVER give me.

One day the following will be in my book...if I ever get around to writing it...I wrote this last year...it's scribbled down on a piece of paper from the Sutton Place Hotel in Vancouver...I am going to keep it...it's tattered and torn...but so much a piece of who I am. Read on...

Love. Intentional demonstrations of love that we consciously integrate into our everyday interactions with the people we value, produce platonic, intimate and long lasting relationships. Allowing ourselves to love, be loved and be vulnerable creates an atmosphere conducive to nurturing a deeper level of relationship. Ultimately, intimacy in its purest form results in feelings of purpose and fulfillment in both the giver and receiver.

The definition of love must be consistent with both the giver and the receiver in order to maintain a healthy understanding of one another. Managing interrogations of each individual if discrepancies exist is the heartbeat of the relationship, adds value and depth to it. The response from each individual will determine the ultimate overall success of the relationship. The giver and receiver must be able to alternate roles and have mutual understanding of one another.

However, love in its truest measure is unconditional and cannot be limited to "taking turns". Love then becomes an extension of oneself while expecting nor requiring anything in return. Thus we understand that love is not based on conditions or approval, nor is it earned. It is not withheld when 'wrongs' are committed. It is in that moment that the extension of love and understanding removes the stain of guilt, regret, shame and dishonor.

Love freely given and freely received produces "fruit" in our lives. In other words, giving and receiving must both occur in order to yield a "bumper crop" of love and acceptance. If the interaction contains both giving and receiving in alternating existence, a whole new level of love will be experienced.

I am learning what it means to...love. Myself, my family, my friends. Sometimes we lose things in our life...BUT God has a way of bringing them back to us. They are always in a different package...and they are always a surprise...but there is no better way to give a gift unless it is both a surprise and in a unique package...right?

Andy :)

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

TaTa Tamer

Today was another exciting day filming some chunky monkey tv. The irony of all this is that it is incredibly difficult to to eat on time, drink enough water and fit "gym time" into my day. My trainer did have a bit of fun with me today when she recommended that I buy a TaTa Tamer for LuLu Lemon. Why in the heck would she say that? What you sayin' beeeotch? LOL. I guess she thinks my TaTa's need to be tamed!!

And as much as say how buff and scary my trainer is...I need you to know that she is the sweetest lady. She is so encouraging and she is definitely fascinating. She was one of Swift Current's 5 most fascinating people for 2010. So, for me, it is quite an honor to have a trainer who is a professional body builder and is an all around amazing person. You rock, Lyris!!

So after 3 hours of filming at the gym today, I went to the locker room to get changed. It was then that I realized that George (the producer) had lost my key to my locker. He of course was really upset about it. I wasn't upset a bit. I was just going through blackberry withdrawl. Three hours...no blackberry...AHHH! And now the key is gone. However, George found it. Poor guy felt really bad. I wasn't upset...what's the worst that can happen...we have to bust the lock. No biggie!! However, I had almost 40 emails to catch up on. YIKES!! Not a good feeling.

Anyways, I haven't had a break all day. So, I am going to eat, sit back in my chair at the office, listen to some tunes and try and take a rest before my next meeting. Tomorrow brings a whole new collection of experiences for chunky monkey tv. Oh gawd...this will be my ultimate test. Did I mention I have to fit the gym in.

I want a cookie so bad right now!!!!!

Andy:)

Utopia...Selah!

"Intrinsic goals are the ones we follow and complete and that add meaning". --Dr. Henry Cloud

They say you should choose goals that fit. Usually, my goals consist of finding a pair of jeans that fit. A goal that is far too often unattainable. Why is my current state...never good enough? Why am I never satisfied with what I see? I could be 30lbs lighter and probably would still feel FAT. Maybe I need to find a way to get comfortable with myself. Perhaps, that is a key to living.

Why the hell are there SO many keys to living? The keys to living look like a friggin' janitor key ring! And how the heck do we know which key unlocks which door?? It's like trying to find a needle in a haystack...or a thong on a four hundie! No fun and near impossible! I think I may have discovered one truth on this entire journey...and it is this...Do not worry about tomorrow...for tomorrow will worry about itself. Okay...two keys....the other being...pursue only those things that are congruent with who you are. I will never be an NBA basketball player...but I will be a marathon runner. It's attainable...and it will be great to get there...however, that is not what will make me happy.

'Happy' is something the world is chasing after. More money, more things, more relationships, more achievements. We want hotter, sexier bodies, have big houses, go on extravagant holidays and drive hawt cars. We are trying to find some kind of fountain of youth that will make us look younger and less saggy. Unfortunately, 'happy' does not come from those things...at least not long lasting 'happy'. Happy comes from things that are more intrinsic...like giving to others. Or...by not waiting for someday...or by stopping to smell the roses. Or maybe just enjoying the people who surround you and telling them you love them EVERY time you think of them.

I dare you to try that for a week!! Everytime you think of someone you love...tell them. Email, text, bbm, fb...try it. See how you feel. Be real. Be sincere. Don't be weird. Yeah..like if you are a stalker...I highly recommend you not do that. FREAK!

Anyways...I still have my goals...but achieving them is not what makes me happy. There is more to it than that. 'Happy' is complex and simple all at the same time. I am in my happy place now...it involves a beach, a cold drink, the sound of the ocean, sand, a hot man-servant and the latest edition of People Magazine. And while I lay on hammock, I can relish in the fact that I am a fat monster slayer and have a perfectly ripped body with a six pack and 20% body fat. Woooo!!! Utopia!! Happy now!

And with that said...dun-dun-duuuuuunnnnnn!!!!

...the first episode of Chunky Monkey TV!

It's How You Run The Race

Just as promised...I made it to the gym. And just as expected it felt really really good!! It's not whether you win or lose...it's how you run the race, right?! That metaphor is so true and it is so true when it comes to running. It is all about technique. The more I improve my technique, the more efficiently I will run...thus causing me to finish well. This is so true in real life. I am going to finish well.

Part of "running the race" requires me to break-free of some old cycles and patterns in my running. I noticed today that I clench my fists tightly when I run. Becoming aware of my tightened fists allowed me to relax my hands...thus conserving energy. Instead of looking down at the timer on the treadmill, I look straight ahead to ensure proper posture and form. Looking down is dangerous in running as one cannot see oncoming danger....but more importantly form is compromised and in doing so....one cannot focus on the finish. You have to look ahead when you run...you can't watch your feet or have your head down. You have to lift your chin up. When you lift your chin up, you can see what lies ahead....the beginning of a slope....or the end of one.

Runner's occasionally hit the "wall" in running. In that moment, every part of you feels like it will collapse. Your lungs burn, your thighs throb and your brow is soaked with sweat. You don't feel like you can push yourself any farther. But upon pushing past the end of yourself, you break-thru your wall and find yourself energized and capable of pressing on.

And there will always be those people on the sidelines who should be your biggest fans...but they throw their sticks and stones on your path to trip you up. But if you look just a little farther down the road, your family is cheering you on every step of the way. And it is because of them that you find the strength to dodge the obstacles and finish well.

And since I feel like I belong in Texas (everything is big in Texas)...I know that I am an overcomer. And even though I am extremely tempted to just be a hippie and live on a beautiful beach in Australia...I will not give up. What the heck am I talking about?! I am going to Australia and being a hippy. Well...I am going to be a clean hippy at the very least. But just so there is no confusion...no dreads allowed and I am most certainly going to wear anti-perspirant. I don't know why...but now I have that annoying song from the Pee Wee Herman Movie...."The stars at night, are big and bright.....(clap, clap, clap, clap).....deep in the heart of Texas". What a dumb show! Well, except for Large Marg....I loved her!! She was big. And from Texas. But then so were the Beverly Hill billies....I could use some Texas Tea about now. Then I could inflate the prices, make all of you pay even more for fuel and then slowly take over the world. Ah....what a feelin'!!

Night...this Chunky is chunked out!! Slayin' the fat monster one ounce at a time!!

Andy