Cottage Cheese

It has come to my attention that I have fallen off the blog wagon so hard that it hurts. However, I didn't just fall off the blog wagon...I fell off the working out wagon too. So, I have decided to begin again. It doesn't matter if I fall off the wagon so long as I get back on it again. So, I may need a bit of a boost....but I am getting back on. It may be a wee bit more complicated this time as I am single parenting however, I am not going to let anything stop me. Not even my screaming lungs, my thunderous thighs or my whining tummy. I shall conquer this!

When legs begin to resemble cottage cheese...one realizes that one has got to get back on the wagon!! Tanning and working out....it is time!! Oh Gawd!!! Au Revoir wine....and chocolate chip cookies!!! Helloooooo gym!!!!

I'm Back!

Good morning sunshine...the earth says hello!! Welcome to the roller coaster thrill ride of Andrea's weight loss adventure....we go up...we go down....up up up.....dooowwwwnnnnn. Does it ever end? Okay...I have been off the wagon. However, due to a whole lot of stress...all I can say is....I am back on the fitness wagon.

I don't even want to know how much I weigh. And NO. I am not going to weigh myself. I don't want to injure the scale. It's back to the gym. Back to 4 Litres of water a day. Back to peeing constantly. Back to tuna and rice crackers. I know it's bad because just at the thought of crackers...I think of cracker jacks. You know...the childhood favorite snack that had a prize in every box. Maybe it's Cracker Jacks that is to blame for the constant weight struggle. Perhaps, it is similar to Pavlov's dogs. In fact, I am salivating just thinking about it. Today, I will have my shake, oatmeal and orange. I wonder if there is a prize in my protein shake mix...hmmm.....

In the mean time...I am covering up all the full length mirrors in my house. I do not have any need to see the damage that has been done over the last couple of months. Eating healthy and exercise equals good body and improved health. If only I can remember this the next time I see a cookie....hmmm....cookie....slim legs.....cookie.....smaller size....cookie.....ahhhh COOKIE!!

En Route to Vegas

We left late. We missed our turn. We are staying in a hotel that reminds me of the Shining. I think the two little girls saying "Come and play with us" and the mad men scratching redrum into the wall gave it away. The elevator is right out of the tower of terror. The phone is one step up from a rotary phone. There is goo on the wall. I am sleeping in sweat pants, socks and a tshirt to prevent my skin from touching the icky bed linens. The tp dispenser in Fuddruckers would not allow me access to tp. The strawberry milkshake I had went right through me. I now smell like Fuddruckers. And the pillow is as fluffy as a sheet of paper. Sigh....'tis a cheat day I shall not forget. And the adventure begins...

Tip: Eat less. Avoid Fuddruckers.

On again...Off again...ON again!

Hello...cyber friends!! And as they say on Poltergeist..."They're back"...er ummm..."I'm back"!! So, I fell off the wagon. It happens. I am not going to beat myself up for it. And to be honest, I have been avoiding blogging because "you're always watching" and since I made a cyber oath that I would always be honest, well, I didn't want to face all of you...in cyber world. You may be irritated with me about this but "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn". In the midst of emotional upheaval and turmoil, well, the last thing I have wanted to do is go to the gym. However, being away has helped me to realize that this is the very time that I NEED the gym. Kind of like advertising...except different..."In good times we should exercise, in bad times we MUST exercise". On again...off again...I am going to beat this!!

And so I have learned this lesson, the hard way. And so I say to you chunky monkey...you may have won a battle...but I will win this war. And in the words of...umm..some big guy in the movies...oh yeah...Arnold...."Hasta la vista, baby!". And even though I have snuggled up to my chocolate bar late at night...whispering...."My precious"....I will not let my past cripple my future...nor will I snuggle up to a chocolate bar, stroke it nor allow it to consume me....I mean allow me to consume it. Ugggh...(insert tears)...abs of steel, abs of steel, where for art thou, abs of steel????

The only thing that can bring comfort right now besides chocolate is...umm...ya...every girl has got it...you know...if you dig deep down...way down into the bottom of your purse, you are sure to find it. That's right. On the best of days, on the worst of days....lip gloss can make you feel like a princess again. You pull out the applicator, purse your lips and apply a thin layer of shine. Nothing makes a girl feel like a girl again like lip gloss!! Well, at least that's how it makes some of my friends feel...I can't say that it's done the same for me...but heck...I am willing to try anything at this point. Okay...not ANYTHING...you know...anything within reason.

I have three months to whip my rear into shape for a marathon....ha ha...okay...the 10K run in my home town. So, it's time to kick some chunky monkey kiester...right outta da kitchen!!

Mmmmm.....I love salad. (sarcasm intended). Did I mention that I am in Vegas next week...for work?? Sigh!!! How do you train and eat right in Vegas??? They don't sell "salad" in Vegas...do they?? Anybody have any tips?

Ladies Weightloss - Sandra Davis

Check this out!! If you are trying to lose weight and need some help....I highly recommend this!!!

Hang in there folks...Chunky Monkey returns to you....on Monday!!!! :)

Chunky Monkey Episode 3

Chunky Monkey wears a bathing suit...UGGGG!!!

The quest for the After......

A fellow blogger, creator of Snappy Socks and an amazing entrepreneur and friend shares her struggles...check her out! This is one amazing lady!!!

Hormone Injections...Back From The Dead!

CBC hails the headline "Hormone Injection Diet Raises Cautions". Ha! A diet fad from the 70's is rearing it's ugly head again. The idea that the quick fix to obesity and over eating is a magic pill or an injection lives on. It's alive....ALIVE!! It is shocking to me that we are still grasping at straws and want to pull a magic lever that will make all our fat melt away. I totally understand wanting a quick fix...but in my experience...a quick fix....is just that....a quick fix...then it's right back to "the way we were". And as much as I have wanted to just push a button and have my body transform into a super hard...hot body....I have discovered that the old fashioned way of eating healthy and exercising is the best solution. I also know...it is just not that simple. There is something deeper happening....everyone would be fit and healthy if it was easy. So what's the problem?

My theory: There are cycles and patterns in everyone's life. Some good, some bad. I can't always see the pattern in my own life and how I contribute to it. No more than you can see how you contribute to your own cycles and patterns. Sometimes we need someone to help us out and be that mirror that reflects the truth.

That may have happened to me last night. Maybe someone told me the truth and pointed out a pattern in my life. Ahhh!! And maybe I didn't like it. And I might have told them so. However, I think I might have needed to hear it. This may or may not have happened. ;) (Gawd...it stung like a bee...it's still burning...kind of like acid...slow...you don't feel it right away....and then WAMO!!! It get's ya....deep).

Anyways..........there is no procrustean solution to the struggle with weight. Get to the root. Pull it out. Eat healthy. Exercise. Get a support group. Pay someone to hold you accountable. And after days, months and years....you will be fit and healthy. Ahhh...crap...that sounds exactly like a procrustean solution. Well...darn it...just try it.

Side note: ....every time I turn on the Brier....I see a Tim's cup in the ice. Every time they throw a rock....I see the cup.....that brown little cup...with the good good coffee in it......and I know it's roll up the rim time.........and then I want one!!! NO...I have to have one!!! I can't relax until I get one. Do the marketing people at Tim Horton's know that their coffee is my kryptonite? Ahhhh!! I have to stop watching curling...cuz it's making me a coffee addict!!!

I am going to go to bed now, only to lay there awake because I had coffee about an hour ago. And then I will lay there in my bed wide awake and think about how dumb it was to get a coffee after the hockey game. Then I will get up at 6:30 a.m., make coffee because I am so tired....get the kids off to school and then stop at Timmies for another coffee on the way to work...because it's roll up the rim time....and I need to juice up to stay awake. And then I will come home and turn on curling...and then want a coffee...and....well...you get the picture!!! Ahhh!!! I should drink coffee before I run...do you think that will help???

Night night!!! Sincerely, Buzzed Chunky Monkey

PS-Bachelor Drama

I bailed early after seeing the unbelievable drama on the Bachelor last night! I may have to ditch the Bachelor and stick to the ever so dark drama of Mad Men. I even had to have some popcorn after watching the show because I was so disgusted with the host who looks like he can hardly stop himself from smiling. It's the bachelor's fault that I am fat!! And why shouldn't he smile...the drama is making him rich!! Why can't I capitalize on someone else's drama and disfunction?? Oh right, I have a heart! I guess I am just going to have to sell something people are addicted to....darn you Starbucks!!! Oh and Happy International Women's Day!!

Floor Hockey Princess Needs Tigerblood

What was I thinking? After receiving a desperate plead for help in the form of a text message at 11 pm Friday night, I agreed to brutalize my body all for the sake of a floor hockey tournament. It would have been okay if it was a women's league however, I hit the floor hockey floor with a mixture of mostly men and a few women. When I walked into the gymnasium at 9:30 Saturday morning....I realized what I had actually agreed to. Upon seeing the gigantic men and seasoned hockey women grace the ball hockey floor....I quivered with fear.

Having no choice, I had to play. I was tossed a Superman shirt and a sweaty hockey glove. I opted out of the sweaty hockey glove. And only one word comes to mind at the stench of the worn, disgusting, full of some boy's hand sweat.....EWWWWW!! I couldn't do it. It was swarming with bacteria and I would not subject my princess hand to the likes of it.

We lost our first game. It was discouraging to say the least. However, we made a huge come back in our second game and it raised our spirits enough to kick some butt on the gymnasium floor. I only bruised my thumb, arm, elbow, knee, shins and rib cage. And I only fell to ground once after bouncing off of a huge man who didn't even notice my princess body bounce off of him. The elbow to the nose did not draw any blood so I bounced back from that pretty good too.

After losing our first game, their star female player came over to talk to me. After cheering me up and giving me a pep talk...she called me a princess. GASP! I was horrified and tried to explain to her that I was beating the chunky monkey in me, worked out very diligently, ate well and would be running a half marathon. So I am NO princess. (I have some princess qualities but I am not one. I swear to you!) She then told me that I was a princess on the ball hockey floor. BUT.....BUT if I got a goal in our fourth game, she would remove my princess status and give me hard core hockey girl status. I had only known this girl in the heat of a ball hockey game and a few minutes on the sidelines and she had already tapped in to how I am motivated.

So, after four, 40-minute ball hockey games....in which my lungs burned, thighs quivered and butt hurt....I wished I had declined the invitation to play!! However, we WON the C-side and we were awarded some pretty non-princess type toques. I wanted to smoke the girl who hacked the heck out of my shins and of course pummel the guy who hit a slap shot at close range right into my rib cage (there is still a large bruise and welt)...but the good news is.....my team prevailed. AND....I got a goal at which point the seasoned female hockey veteran ran over to me, high-fived me and donned me with the high honor of floor hockey goddess!!!

The bad news...my body is hurting so bad I couldn't get to the gym Sunday or yesterday...but today....I am on it. I still can't bend over, my back hurts, my butt hurts, my calves hurt...actually the only thing that doesn't hurt is my head. And I am a rainbow of colors from all my bruises. I think I want to be a princess again. Or I would be cool with being Lady Gaga too!! Maybe I need some of that #tigerblood Charlie Sheen was talking about!!

Back to the gym....ughhh.

Andy :)

ps- Hot Dogs

I have to say that the hot dogs were absolutely delicious at the Scotties. I even have some pictures to prove it....of course, I am not sure whether I should post the pictures of the hot dog culprits or not....hmmmmm.......

Andy :)

Over the Weight Restriction!?

I am home!! It wasn't easy but I made it. And I am officially a chunky monkey. I am terrified to get on the scale. It was 11 days of fun. And spending most of those 11 days with my bestie on the other side of the country made saying good bye really difficult. I am such a suck some days.

I am certainly ready to eat clean and get back to the gym. I feel like I've been on a 10 day food bender. I don't regret it one bit but getting back to the basics is going to feel really really good. I know I did some damage.

Wednesday afternoon I was scheduled to fly home. Who am I kidding....I was leaving home to fly back here where I live. Anyways, I said my goodbye's and rushed into the airport. After a not so pleasant check in as the...let's just call the airline Fair Panada for the sake of saving them the embarrassment....anyways, the Fair Panada rep was having difficulty figuring out how to process my credit card for my additional bag. This is all together dumb in my opinion...but oh well. $20 for a second bag...that I need because I can't put my "liquids" in my carry on. Because I am most certainly "terrorist" material and therefore need to go through the hassle. And of course, you can't just include the second bag in the seat fare. That would be wrong! Needless to say, the delay at check in made me a little late. The security line was full of people and after skipping ahead of a few people and making them angry, I found my way to the front. Look...nothing was going to stop me from getting on my plane. So I thought!!

ANYWAYS, after having my hands swabbed...yes...they swabbed my hands at security...probably because I look like a "weed" smoker and a blow sniffer...Gawd...really?...you are really swabbing my paws?? Sup wit dat lady?? She made me feel dirty. Where was I...oh yes...after being terrorized at security I quickly reassembled my bag that they had so abruptly searched. Like really...do I really look like a threat? So, I put my bag back together and rushed down the escalator because now I am really really late. I ran past someone standing on the escalator and almost knocked them off with my bag that was hanging over my shoulder. My bad...oops. Well, I was minutes from boarding my aircraft...no time to spare. Get out of the way!!!

After arriving at my gate, I approached the rep at the gate desk and asked if I had enough time to use the washroom before boarding the plane. The rep did not even look up from his desk and curtly told me that my plane was not even at the gate. Feeling a little unhappy with the treatment I received, I went and used the washroom. And yes, I washed my freshly swabbed hands. Upon my return, an announcement was made for a gate change. Noticing a struggling elderly lady pushing her own wheelchair while the airline reps walked past her, I helped the lady find the gate as she was noticeably upset and stated she did not know where to go. I don't think she could see...poor little thang! After getting her settled, I sat down and was interrupted by yet another announcement. The rep announced that the now delayed flight had been oversold, the aircraft was carrying additional fuel and due to high winds...there was a weight restriction. She then announced pre-boarding. I watched other people who paid money for their seat just like me board the airplane. I approached the desk and the airline attendant looked me in the eye and said, "I'm sorry ma'am...but due to a weight restriction, I cannot permit you to board the aircraft".

Feeling a little disgruntled, I realized that my 10 day food bender must be bad if I am too fat to get on the damn aircraft. I saw other people who are clearly larger than me board the plane. Why me?? What about the pudgy little boy who is as wide as he is tall who just got on....why was he allowed to board. And what about the lady who you know...was...you know....bigger. Come on...admit it...if an airline attendant looked at you and said you can't board because of a weight restriction....one does have to wonder....is it really because there are too many people....or is it because I had wine....and chocolate frequently. I wanted to put my fingers around her throat and demand that she tell me the truth. I can take it. Come on...tell me!! Tell me I'm fat!! Just spit it out you skinny little beeotch. As my mind drifted off into a very ugly scenario....the flight attendant interupted me...ma'am....excuse me ma'am....

Snapping out of my daydream, I made my way to the customer service desk. Yikes!! Looking at the line up, I explained to the other delayed and inconvenienced passengers what just happened in my mind. Well, I caused some trouble as the line up of people were laughing and carrying on so much that the already disgruntled customer service rep got even uglier! Ooops!! I am just p-ing off everybody today.

Awww...it wasn't so bad. I spent another night in my "second home", had some chocolate, watched American Idol and drifted off to sleep. Gawd...it's back to the gym on Sunday!!!!!! And eating clean...well...it's kind of like that song by White Snake....."here I go again"! I have to get fit and fast as I am off to Vegas in a month. And before you curl your lip and frown at me....it's for work!!! I can prove it!!!

Night bloggosphere!!

Sincerly, Chunky (Over the Weight Restriction)

Chunky Monkey in TO

Good Morning Y'all!!

The Scotties ended with a great big shin dig in the Heart Stop Lounge as Saskatchewan's very own, Amber Holland kicked Team Canada's.....ummm...er....bottom!! Anyways, leaving PEI was tough as I made some good friends there. From the beauty of the architecture to the friendliness of the people, PEI is a great place to visit and I highly recommend it.

Nothing to crazy happened at the Scotties. Well, some things were very memorable...and perhaps, a wee bit crazy. I don't know what I will remember more....the 68 year old woman going through menopause who sat beside me or our "neighbor" who shared an adjoining door to our hotel room.

The elderly lady who sat beside me was having hot flashes all through the SK game on Friday night. She had her socks off and her pant legs rolled up to her knees. Maybe it was the fact that we were watching a "winter" sport or perhaps, it was the fact that we were in a COLD rink that she caught my attention. She was carrying on and on about how hot she was. Using her program she fanned herself constantly. She was a very sweet lady...but even sweet ladies get carried away once in a while. Are you wondering why I said that? Well, after she told the announcer that if he gave her a few more minutes she would strip right down to her bra, I decided she was a wee bit krazy. Of course, he laughed and I contemplated suicide. That's all I need!! To sit next to a half naked old woman who doesn't know when to keep her pants on! Of course, the moment he walked away she said she was embarrassed and shouldn't have said that. WHATEVER!!!!! You liked it you shameless hussy!!

Anyways, my hotel neighbor gave us much entertainment as we were witnesses to some very disturbing conversations late into the night...or shall I say early in the morning. We actually knelt at the adjoining door with our heads pressed up against it so we wouldn't miss a thing. I don't know how he didn't hear us as our muffled laughs were hardly muffled! It was honestly, the funniest thing that happened through out the entire week! It was also better than any trash tv reality show....something like the bachelor...except...worse!

Confession: I ate a hot dog. I like it. I liked it ALOT!!

Today I am back in TO. I am currently "working" in Starbucks. It is tough. I am drinking green tea......yum.....And since I have fallen off the blog wagon and the eating wagon and the exercising wagon, I am happy to say...I am back on!!!

Confession: I only went to the gym 3x last week.

Check out our latest episode of chunky monkey tv.....Episode 2.

Andy :)

PEI

Good morning!!

I am in Prince Edward Island for the Scotties!! I hope to update you all soon. I am hoping to get to the gym today so that the fat monster doesn't one up me!!

Andy :)

Your Baby Is Ugly Part II

Anyways, after my toast and protein shake, I fell fast asleep....(while visions of chocolate bars danced in my head). I missed my 5th meal yesterday and I am sure that is why I was starving in the middle of the night.

Anyways, it's weigh day tomorrow. The truth will be told. Sometimes, you just have to tell someone that "their baby is ugly" (Robert Carignan). Sometimes, we need to hear the truth. And it makes that old adage so much more powerful...you shall know the truth and the truth will set you free. The truth, in my case, shed light on how out of control my weight had gotten. I needed the sobering brutality of it to yank me back into reality.

And since the decisions we make now pave the road to our future, it is important to make our decisions based on logic and not emotions. Our emotions and feelings often betray us. It is usually easier to make our decisions based on our feelings however, we often pay the price for it. Logic should rein. Therefore, the next time I look at valentine's day chocolates....I will not eat one. I will not give in. My feelings on Feb. 14th betrayed me and I ate a single chocolate. Fat Monkey 1, Skinny Monkey 0. Oh well...we live to play another day!!

Anyways, I need to get some packing done, finish my article and respond to some emails. (All the while eating my "healthy" food!! (And my rib cage is screaming...I've been doing 120 situps/core exercises on weight training days this week....UGGGH).

Check this out!

Sincerely,

Chunky

Your Baby is Ugly Part 1

Yesterday was a complete gong show! I had meetings scheduled in the thriving metropolis of Gull Lake, SK. Great little town by the way...and fantastic coffee at the local coffee shop! Jo and I thought our meeting was at 9.am. however, we were wrong. Our meeting was not until 10 a.m. and good thing!! We had no idea where the community hall was. We drove all over Gull Lake looking and asking local folks where it was. Anyways, we FINALLY found it....in about 15 minutes as Gull Lake isn't that big. Realizing we were early, we decided to go for coffee.

The small coffee shop brought back memories of my home town. And that is like opening a whole other can of worms. I still have some very sentimental feelings towards the people of Ponteix and will always remember it as my home. In fact, my grade 8 french teacher is now the mayor of the town. I am still a little afraid of her...but she is a good woman!

Anyways, the faint remnants of the smell of smoke permeated the coffee shop as it was not that long ago that Sakatchewan became "smoke free". It's funny how smells bring back memories. Of course, the stale odor of cigarette smoke instantly reminded me of my pa. He smoked for most of my childhood. I still love the smell of a freshly lit smoke as it always triggers memories of my dad. As sick as it sounds, I usually breathe it in...with a big deep breath. I always remember what it felt like to sit on his knee. He would bounce me around and I thought he was the most amazing man in the world. I was the apple of his eye and he always made me feel special. Just a great big teddy bear...that smelled like smoke...LOL. A teddy bear that always had a cig and a diet coke in his hand. Often on his way to teach the rotten grade seven students Science, baseball and photography at the local high school, he always smiled at me in a way that lit up my life. Weekends with him were often spent fishing, hunting, smoking and marking papers. That was my dad.

Anyways, I had to pack all my "healthy" food for the meeting as they were having pizza and caesar salad at lunch. Oh and did I mention Tim Horton's coffee and muffins. MMMM!!! None of which...I can have. So, I ate my rice cakes while everyone else indulged. My inner fat monkey was not very impressed...but she is slowly starving to death...snicker!!

At least I thought she was! She woke me up...actually....she prevented me from sleeping until about 2:30 a.m. last night!! I was SO hungry that I tossed and turned. Finally giving in to the cry of my tummy, I arose from my bed and drifted down to the dark kitchen. Desperate to stop the grumble of my screaming stomach, I made myself some toast and a protein shake. Probably not the best thing to eat...but hey...it's better than a chocolate bar.

Ahhh....to be continued...the camera crew is here.....stay tuned!!

Ps-

Weigh day today....down to 152 lbs....woooo!!! Almost forgot...phew!!

Mommy Hell

Ahh! Ka-razy day!! I have not stopped for a break today. Okay, I've stopped to pee and eat...but that is it!! Trying to get everything done before I take off for a little more than a week. And I still have to squeeze the gym in!! Legs and shoulders today....and running.......and tanning...........and blogging............and kids........................and lunches................................and another crazy day tomorrow.

It's no wonder I've gotten fat!! No time!! And you know what they say...all work and no play makes chunky monkey really snarly!!! The fat little monkey has sharp teeth so beware!!

Oh and in an attempt to teach my children good health...I am making macaroni and cheese for dinner. I am sure I am going to rot in mommy hell for this. It is probably the worst choice for my precious angels. Of course, it is their favorite...but there is honestly, no nutritional value to it! And they would have chocolate cake for dinner if I let them. Heck, I'd have chocolate cake for dinner!! But since chocolate cake is a major no-no...well...mac and cheese for the kids and something disgustingly healthy for me. Yay...rabbit food!! And now the water is boiling over!!! AHHHH!!!!! Oh and the dog is throwing up. GREAT!!

And as Elmer Fudd would say....ahh...nevermind. Eden is gagging now!

Birthday BS

What am I supposed to say about birthdays?? I want to be all optimistic about it...but here I sit...literally (ask Joanne)... groaning and freaking because I don't know what to say. On one hand, I would like to skip blogging all together today because it is the day of my birth and I am not thrilled about it and on the other hand I need to blog...cause it is a way for me to get all the "crazy" out of my head. So, you will just have to take what you get today. Beware!!!

Birthday's often feel empty to me. What are we celebrating....really? I am a year older. There is nothing to celebrate about that. Things sag more, there are more lines in my face, the twinkle in my eye is not so...shimmery....SIGH. And I would love to indulge in all the "fun" things a girl can do on her birthday. Unfortunately, in my experience that involves food and beverage....and I cannot indulge as I have a race to run. Maybe I will shop!!! :D

My friend threw my a really nice shin dig on the weekend which resulted in a multitude of great gifts. Jo and I are going for lunch in five minutes. My brother sent me flowers. My mom dropped off a present. Jo brought me an amazing candle. The phone has rang and my crazy friend sang happy birthday to me as well as emails and fb notes...so I guess it is a pretty good day! Brad is making dinner for me tonight...so nice!! And my girls have something planned for me after school today. As long as it doesn't involve corn flakes with chocolate chips in it...I will be happy. That was what they did for me Saturday morning! BLEH! So, I guess today is pretty good, considering.

Did I mention that I am now registered for my first marathon? Ugggh!! Dropping the registration form on the office assistant's desk made me feel so much more.....committed. Gawd...I have HUGE commitment issues as it is. I hate committing to anything and anyone. And now, I have committed in ink to run in a race. Can the Chunky Monkey do it?? As Bob the Builder says, "Can she do it"......fat shoulder monkey says, "NO, we can't". Shut up you monkey glutton!! I can do it! (oh gawd...I hope I can do it).

(Don't ever call me your bff...that makes me throw up in my mouth...and run away...FAST. I can be your bff...just don't use that term. SEE...commitment issues. Whenever someone has said that in the past, I sabotaged the relationship faster than you can say....bff.)

Did I mention that the fat little monkey on my shoulder told me that I should have a piece of chocolate cake today? And if that is too much then a chocolate chip cookie would be fine. AHHH! No fat little monkey! You shut up!! No cookies, no wine....NO cake!!!

I hit the gym yesterday and hard. I did my ball exchanges as fast as I could again. I also did supersets for chest and biceps and honestly, I thought I was going to die. All for the sake of slaying the fat monster right. Ugggh. My body hurts today. My triceps are still sore from Saturday...can you believe that?! Just letting my arms hang down hurts!!

Anyways, I am not falling off the wagon today. Back to the gym!!! No more of this birthday bs. Going to eat clean and then run my chunky a$$ off!!

Andy

Woe is me!

Happy Valentine's Day to all of you. With that said, I am feeling very anxious as this is the third day in a row that I have been sick.........in the morning. I didn't think much of it...until of course...today!

Early this morning, I frantically wrote out valentine's cards with my girls so that they had something to share with their classmates (I know...mother of the year). Jael set her alarm for 6:45 am just so she could get a head start. By the time I got out of the shower, she was 3/4 of the way finished.

So Eden and I wrote them out as fast as possible. As I sat there with my innocent 8 year old...I struggled to keep some horrible memories out of my head. Looking at her innocence and purity, it is hard to believe she said what she said.

A LONG time ago...she sort of accidentally interupted Brad and I. She opened the door and without even flinching (we were involved but not exposed...get your minds out of the gutter) she said, "oh...you guys are sexing. Trying to make a baby eh? No problem with me". Then she closed the door and left. I of course crawled into the fetal position and contemplated suicide. TOTAL mood killer. Brad laughed. I died. And the evening came to an abrupt end. And all her comments flooded into my head as we sat at the table this morning...how come she didn't flinch...my innocent little baby girl didn't even flinch. AHHH! I don't know what spurred the memory....but it made for a stressful morning. (Note: This happened a long long long time ago. Just thought you should know that.)

Giving my head a shake so I could focus and not re-live the horror, I got their skates, helmets, lunches and backpacks ready and sent them out the door. It was a race to get ready today!! Of course, when I was finally ready...the dog decided he was not going into his kennel so I played "cat and mouse" or rather "fat lady chasing irritating little dog" for 15 minutes. Finally, arriving at work, I started up the stairs to my office. It was then that it hit me. OMG!!! Please oh please oh please...I hope I just have the flu and nothing else!! If I am sick again tomorrow...well...I will just try to not think the worst. Ugggh!! Maybe that's why I am craving cookies...AHHHHH!!! (off to the pharmacy for a test!) Maybe I am just taking this too far....relax Chunky...you probably just have the flu...stop thinking the worst....(sniff, sniff, sob, sob) I never exaggerate....ever.

Anyways, I missed my run yesterday as I was...umm...not feeling well. I did feel much better by late afternoon and hit the hockey game with Brad. Of course, he ate a rink burger and fries right in front of me. This is probably the first time that I didn't long for the greasy disgustingness of a rink burger and fries as he indulged beside me. My stomach is not itself...I guess that's a good thing...I think. Hopefully all the vomiting will result in some weight-loss. I guess you could say (thank you Mark) that I am only two flus away from my goal weight!

This week, I will have to squeeze my big run in. Uggh! And the week is crazy to say the least. And my chest is sore...and my stomach is upset....and I'm grumpy. Oh and did I mention that much to my surprise...I have arm pit fat!!! Who the heck makes the bras these days?! Gawd...no wonder I stand in front of the mirror in the morning crying and scowling at my sagging aging body. Every girl at some point in her life has to face the fact that she has back fat, arm pit fat and well...gravity is starting to show it's effects. I blame it on breast feeding a baby or two...it completely destroys your body. Or is it age? Or is it both? Come on girls...you were once perkier...PERK UP!!

Wow!! I am a complete optimist today. What can I say...it's Monday! Off to the gym later to work chest (oh the irony of this) and biceps...as hard as possible so that I can moan and groan as I soak in my tub of very hot water and bath salts while hoping that I am not "with child". All for the sake of beauty!!! Okay...not beauty...but for health. For feeling better. For being a good example. My trainer tells me that working my chest will keep me perky. WELL, I AM ALREADY LOSING THE PERKY BATTLE...AHHHH! Woe is me!!!

Okay...rant over. Happy Cupid's Day!

Sincerely, Chunky.

Give me a cookie!!!!!