Day 73- Christmas-ish

It all started when I shook the hand of the CEO of an accounting firm this morning. No, not the one I sleep with....a different one. As I extended my hand, it caught his scarf and we shook with a scarf between our hands. It was weird. Neither one of us said a thing however, we were both aware that his scarf was between our hands. What do you do when something like that happens? We did nothing. It was totally and utterly comical...and yet weird...all at the same time. I've never shaked, with scarf between our palms...I guess there is a first time for everything.

Then as he was explaining some things to me, my ear caught a song that was playing on the radio. I actually think it is so cheesy when couples have a "song". When people say, "oh..that's our song" and then drift off into another world that is full of fantasy (for that is exactly what it is), I think it is ridiculous and juvenile. What is this 1969 and we are on a back road in Saskatchewan? Do you sit in the middle seat of his half ton, honey? Oh and you probably wear his washed up "football" jacket too?......However, the song that caught my ear this morning was.....ummmm....ya.....our song...kind of. (blush) And I was trying to pay attention to the person who was speaking to me. Alas, I could not. I don't even know what he said until the song finished. It was definitely problematic. I can't help but wonder if he realized I drifted off....

I think it is because I am distracted. I am really bothered that I can't seem to feel Christmas. What does Christmas feel like anyways? In years past, Christmas was a time to gorge ourselves on food. It is the epitome of gluttony. It is eating yourself into a coma. And the best way to "feel" Christmas was to run my hand down my stomach and feel the food baby that was inside. This year...I am going to do that....just on one day.

The following is an actual email from my mom outlining our Christmas Dinner Dessert Menu:

This is the dessert menu:
Chocolate chip cookies
Spice Cookies
Butter tarts
Home-made Oreo cookies
Rice Krispie Cake
Home made cinnamon rolls
Raspberry Trifle

Are ya hungry yet?????

Thank God we are going to her house on cheat day!!

Since I no longer have parties in my mouth, nor do I find comfort in food...I can't seem to get into the Christmas spirit. I can't seem to find the "feeling" of Christmas. I now know how Cindy Lou Hoo felt when she sang..."Where are you Christmas...". Right now, I am willing to try anything to get "that feeling". I am singing that song now. In my office. All alone. Crying. Okay...not crying...but definitely....seriously....solemn.

In an attempt to feel Christmas-ish, I suggested that Jo and I go for Christmas lunch. She tells me that I will use any excuse to have a "Christmas" celebration. That may be true however, my attempt at feeling festive was destroyed by the toilet paper in the restaurant's bathroom.

Yeah...I know...another rant. But I can't help it. I really despise and loathe entirely shitty toilet paper. Okay...not toilet paper that is actually....ummm...soiled....but toilet paper that is so frail and transparent that it does not even have the strength to turn the roll on which it rests on without breaking. It has got to be one of the most frustrating experiences in the world to be forced to use toilet paper that I can actually see through. And of course, I never discover this until after I have pee'd. So, there I am trying to hover over a toilet seat, unravel a roll of toilet paper that keeps breaking, reach up into the toilet paper holder trying to find the end...and getting nothing but a BIT of paper. And so after fighting with the roll, instead of having a single strand....I have 49 small pieces. I actually shook the toilet paper holder and grumbled in complete and utter frustration. And now, because I have been struggling so long...I have virtually drip dried, have a handful of multiple pieces of less than mediocre toilet paper in my hand and my legs are ready to give out because it has taken literally 10 minutes to do something that usually takes only two. And NO, I do not need very much toilet paper. Just enough to prevent having a silver dollar in my underwear. I just want a single strand that actually absorbs. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK? IS IT?? Merry friggin' Christmas to you Mr. restaurant owner!!

So after using the bathroom I returned to the table with Joanne. Joanne asked me 2x if I was okay. "Are you listening or are you off.... far away?" I was present in body. Not so present in spirit or actually even listening, however today I was just plain hungry. Probably because I had expended every ounce of my energy fighting with the toilet paper! And I am very upset that the Christmas spirit was not going to be found at lunch because I beat the heck out of the toilet paper roll. And now I am having trouble paying attention because along with the fact that I have ADD, sensory issues and I am as excitable as a high spirited mare....my stomach is eating itself. Bring me my chicken! I don't care if the chicken is not dead yet...I will take care of that....I am hungry...right....now! That is all I can think about. After I eat, I am a way better person. Full of life, energy and chicken! Joanne says I'm like Dr. Jekly and Mr. Hyde when I'm hungry. She thinks I get grumpy when I'm hungry. I think she even called me a child. LOL!! She is so right!!

Still desperate to feel Christmas some place other than my stomach, I asked our waitress, "What does Christmas feel like to you?". She didn't really have an answer. In fact, she looked at me like I was crazy (she is so right). But since my tummy was now full, I felt full of life and ready to rock. (This is the Hyde and Jekyl thing again). I told her..."Christmas to me is wrapping presents by a crackling fire. Having a good friend by my side while sharing a nice hot cup of cocoa with a touch of Baileys while listening to cheesy Christmas carols." I guess I am not that crazy because the waitress wants to come wrap presents with me....lol...I guess she wasn't feeling "Christmas-ish" either. That or she is an alcoholic. I'm not really sure.

I will make one more final attempt at "feeling" Christmas today. I will first go to the gym. Then I am going to do something crazy. Yikes....I hope I am brave enough. I will be sure to take a picture and tell you all about it tomorrow. Wish me luck!!

Andy :)

PS- Please help me raise money for Room to Read by sending me a pair of size 8 sneakers from your home province/state. For each pair of sneakers I receive, I will donate $100 to Room to Read. (For the sake of the law and my marriage, I've capped it at $5000 and have a deadline of January 31, 2011). Thank you for your help!!!!

PPS- If I receive more than 50 pairs of shoes, I will auction them off and all proceeds will go to Room to Read!!

PS- Room To Read

I have decided that in a complete rebellion against the sales lady who sold me my sneakers who said I can't wear sneakers to work, I am going to do something crazy (are you really surprised?). I am not only going to get a pair of sneakers for everyday of the week....but it is my goal to get a pair from every province.

For every pair of sneakers that I receive before January 31, 2011, I will donate $100 (I'm not loaded so I have to cap it at $5000) to Room to Read and wear sneakers for the entire month of January...that's right...every single day....Room to Read seeks to transform the lives of millions of children in developing countries by focusing on literacy and gender equality in education. Working in collaboration with local communities, partner organizations and governments, we develop literacy skills and a habit of reading among primary school children, and support girls to complete secondary school with the relevant life skills to succeed in school and beyond. For more information on this GREAT organization...please click here.....http://www.roomtoread.org.

Why sneakers? a. because I like them. b. it takes one step at a time to change the world.

If you would like to help me make a difference this Christmas, please send me a pair of sneakers from your home province or state. If you have any questions, please feel free to email me at andrea@widemouthmedia.com.

Shoe size: 8

Mailing Address:

Andrea Stevenson

Wide Mouth Media

145 1st Ave NE

Swift Current, SK S9H 2B1

Canada

306-778-2699

Day 72: Sinking Ship

Today is weigh day. I was dreading my weigh in this morning...but good news...I am exactly the same weight...157 lbs. So, the chocolate buffet did not do any damage. Well, it didn't do any long lasting damage. Today, I feel very sober (metaphorically speaking) as I have made some big decisions. I feel calm, peaceful, sad and happily terrified all at the same time. I am sure your curiosity is getting the better of you so here it is. My decision is to continue on the path that I am on. Committed. Sold out. All for one and one for all. We launch Silver Lining on January 21st and I am stoked about that!!

After evaluating my priorities and analyzing them with the opportunities that lie ahead of me, I realized that I am right on track. The path I choose in life must be in alignment with my priorities and my definition of success. With some minor tweaks and better time management, I can keep doing what I am doing and manage my stress level more effectively. Working out and eating right plays a major role in me reducing my stress. It also keeps the Chunky Monkey demon monster from taking over my body again.

My definition of success (for me personally) is:

Success is having healthy relationships with my children, husband, family and the people in my circle of trust. It is being financially secure, knowing there will be enough to live and survive without dependence on others. It is having the freedom to travel and experience the world. It is not worrying about money. It is creating a legacy for my children and my children’s children. It is spending quality time with the one’s I love where I am one hundred percent present. It is golfing on a Saturday morning with good friends, putting in a good days work, being home with the family for quality time and living for a cause that is bigger than myself. It is discovering God and the importance of spirituality in my life. It is creating a positive environment that is full of love and acceptance for the one's I care for. It is living my life in a way that influences and changes someone else’s life for the better. It is having the ability to help others financially, spiritually and emotionally. Throw a healthy dose of adventure into this mix and the recipe is complete.

I am sure it is just driving you crazy that I have not identified the opportunity that I contemplated taking. It really is quite simple...I was offered a job. That's it. It did however throw me for a loop and definitely had me evaluating my entire life. I believe this offer came at a good time as it forced me to write down on paper (yes, I used paper) what my priorities are. It also, forced me to look at my life and determine what is really important.

I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to write down goals, dreams, definitions of success, definitions of what family is and who they are. It helps to focus on what really matters. It has also helped me to appreciate who my core group is. They are not bound by geographical limitations and I am amazed at the level and depth of relationship I have with them. (You know who you are!) And gawd...I know...I am a total nerd. I can't help you know!! Write your darn goals down and clarity somehow mysteriously arrives. That is the cheesiest thing I have ever said...however, it is truth.

This entire process of losing weight, getting fit and changing myself has opened the closet door of the ugliness in my heart and is forcing me to deal with it. Weight and health are so linked to what we hide in the deepest, darkest chambers of our hearts. Part of becoming a master of living, requires us to unlock the doors we have so carefully boarded shut and start unwinding the tangled web inside our hearts and minds. And to my amazement, this cannot be done without a support group. It is surprising who steps up and is there for you when you are in a "sinking ship in the middle of the ocean on a stormy night". I can assure you , it is never who you think or expect that throws you a lifeline. I can also assure you that you will be amazed at all the good that comes out of it when you go through it. Hey...that's all that matters right? That you go through...to the other side....whatever it is that you are facing.

Now that I have my career settled (or should I say I am settled in my career), I need to get my health aligned and then my personal life. So, you will probably hear a lot about what is happening with the doctor and all of my symptoms very soon. It's all connected you know. And it is all so important in destroying the fat monster. Phase II should be another great ride and I hope you will come along with me........hey...isn't that a Great Big Sea song....."Come Along With Me"?

So, it's off to the gym to do some serious fat slaying!!

PS- Jackie, it was not very nice of you to eat fries and gravy in front of me at lunch today (even if I did order it!). (Love you girl!!)

Andy :)

Day 71: Baroness Chunky Monkey

I just looked at the calendar and realized that Christmas is next week. OMG!! How did that happen? Thank God our Christmas tree is up and decorated. I can get my gifts wrapped tonight right after I squeeze the gym in. Ahh...who has time for working out this time of year?! There is no rest for the wicked! I am starting to wonder if I am wicked...as I have no rest. Is it really Christmas?

Do you ever wonder if your life is like Truman's? You know...the whole world is watching and you have no clue. Right at that moment when you pick your nose or I sneak that bite of a cookie.....are there hidden cameras watching my every move??? I don't actually pick my nose. Well, I guess we all do at some point but I don't have to admit that. You know what they say...you can pick your friends and you can pick your nose but you can't pick your friend's nose. Just a little fyi for you.

Joanne and I pulled in late last night after fighting the fog, white knuckling the steering wheel and praying that the good Lord spare our lives. Okay...she white knuckled the steering wheel and I prayed that the good Lord would spare my life. I know...completely selfish...I know....but I didn't want to die. And since we only had two rules on the weekend....#1 No one is allowed to die. #2 No one is allowed to be stressed out....well...I wanted to follow the rules.

Regardless of how stressful the drive home was...I saw something brilliant when the fog cleared. We have Christmas lights on our house this year!!! Wooo! Joanne and I pulled into the drive way of my home and we both stared in awe. After staring for a moment, we turned and looked at each other and well...we had a good laugh. My husband put up lights for me. And I am thrilled that he was so thoughtful in doing so. They are perfect!! And even though the color scheme does not exist, the way in which they are draped over the garage door is questionable and the tangled extension cord that is wrapped around my outdoor light makes the whole lighting experience somewhat "Charlie Brown Christmas Tree-ish"....I still love it. It's worth the drive by...lol. Joanne thinks it's special.

The weekend was great but I am afraid of the damage that was done from the chocolate buffet at our five-star hotel. I don't want to weigh in tomorrow. AHHH! But, It was glorious!! I was sick after but it was definitely worth it. And who can forget Marga!! Marga was a really cute little lady that we met in the Vancouver airport. She is from Germany and was tickled pink that my Grandmother's name was Van Asselstine. So, you may all call me baroness Chunky Monkey next time you see me! (Isn't Marga cute? She was one of the sweetest ladies I have ever met. I love old people! And please, no comments from the peanut gallery).

Tom Cruise was apparently staying at our hotel while we were there. I looked for him so that I could accidentally bump into him and then snub him and act like I didn't know him. I've always wanted to do that to a star. Actually, just him. That didn't happen though.

And the snobby flight attendant on our flight home left her jacket and "wings" on the seat next to Joanne. I grabbed it and contemplated putting it on and handing out drinks. However, Joanne said she would not wait for me at the airport if they arrested me for impersonating a flight attendant. I then thought I would put it on and sing Tommy Boy's infamous song...."fat guy in a little coat". But Joanne was not in support of that idea either. What are they going to do....arrest me?? She explained later that she was worried that the snobby flight attendant would not find my stunt funny and would ultimately hurt my feelings by saying something mean. Whatever Jo!! ;) So that didn't happen either.

While in Vancouver, I found the most amazing sneakers on Robson Street. I told the shoe sales lady that I thought they would be great at work. The sales lady was horrified and said I could NOT wear my shoes to work specially if I was wearing dress pants. I explained to her that I thought it would look good. She told me that my boss probably wouldn't like it. I told her that I was the boss and I can wear whatever the hell I want! (snicker)

I love sneakers. I think I am going to buy a pair for every day of the week. And I will have you know that I wore them to work today....with dress pants. And yes!!! I met with clients today. My sneakers didn't seem to bother them one bit. And my feet felt great. I could run up and down the stairs, skip and even jog across the icy street. I love sneakers. Besides, I feel good in them and no one is going to tell this chunky what she can and cannot where. (Look at the pics...you can see my awesome sneaks!!) You can also see how my shirt is gaping open because they don't make button up shirts for women who have boobs! Thank you Mexx!!! Get some models with boobs...some of us have them you know!

This Saturday is Christmas at my Mom's house. Thank you God that our meal is on a cheat day. My Mom has baked chocolate chip cookies for me!!! Woooo!!! And all these years I thought she didn't love me. I was so wrong. There is nothing better than homemade chocolate chip oatmeal cookies. And oh yes....they must have oatmeal in them in order for me to eat them. I can't wait. I also can't believe that I am more excited about cookies than the turkey.

On a more serious note, after school today, Jael asked me if they really do put dead people in boxes in the ground. She thinks it's weird. She is right into the Christmas spirit alright! I have no idea where that came from but I do have to agree...it is kind of weird. She also told me in the next sentence that we cannot have a fire in the fireplace on Christmas Eve because Santa will burn his butt. This is coming from the child who told me that Santa wasn't real only a week ago. What I want to know is why I am only finding this out now? Santa isn't real? WTH? Who the heck has been eating all of my cookies all these years? No! I am quite serious!! I want my cookies back!! RIGHT NOW!

Regardless, Santa is not a good example for my kids. He is over weight, he has poor fashion sense (he's been wearing the same outfit since I was a kid), he is hard on the reindeer (but I guess he is trying to be green), he lives on cookies and he supports elf labour. Tell me, does the North Pole have a gym? And if it does, does Santa ever use it? I think NOT!!

Personally, I like the grinch. Why? Because like him, I think I have a heart that is two sizes too small....I am not in the Christmas spirit this year. If I hear one more Christmas Carol in the store...I may snap and throw christmas oranges at the FAKE Santa who has been eating all of my amazing cookies all these years. And yesterday in Ikea, the Christmas Carol that was sung slightly faster than normal actually made Joanne unpack her cart faster. The song was super annoying...but watching Joanne was one of the funniest things I have ever seen in Ikea. Of course, I sobered right up after the cashier told me what my total came too. ANYWAYS, there is still hope because the Grinch's hear grew...maybe mine can too. I wonder how much weight I will gain when my heart grows? Dammit! Everything is always so complicated. I can't even grow my heart without gaining weight!

After all this cookie talk...the only thing that is going through my head is Cookie Monster's "C" is for cookie song! HEY! Sesame Street has contributed to my weight problem too. Darn you Sesame Street and Barbie!! That's it! I'm calling my lawyer. Right after I get home from the gym.

Happy Fat Monster Head Hunting!! This year will be the first Christmas that I don't gain weight over the Christmas Season. Cheers to that!!!

Andy :)

Joanne is wrapping me knee so that we can shop. Lovely shopping on Robson with a fat knee!

Chocolate Buffet...mmmmmm!

Me...after the chocolate buffet.

Super creepy waitress at Red Robins...yup...she was real...the talking, breathing, heart beating type. Just super duper creepy!!

Day 69

We have not had internet access since Calgary airport. Of course, our five-star hotel had it however, it was $15.95 plus HST per night per device. We are far to thrifty for that! It is 11:35 pm and I am slipping into a deep sleep. So, I will update you all on our adventures in Van very soon. Don't worry, I took a picture of the chocoholic buffet and Marga from Germany. You will see those tomorrow!! Right now, Joanne and I are on our laptops in a dark basement after an entire weekend with no internet access. Again, since I am falling asleep, I feel it would be wise to stop sharing with you now before something incriminating comes out of my mouth.

Farewell!!

Day 67: Locusts and Wild Honey

Brad and the girls are off to see Tangles and the Chronicles of Narnia in 3D. I can't help but be jealous as I love spontaneous road trips. However, it makes my heart happy to know that my girls are having a great day with their dad. Maybe Joane will go see Chronicles of Narnia with me...hmmm.

The plane ride last night was nothing but memorable. Bizarro John the Baptist was sitting in the seat ahead of us. The only thing that was missing was locusts and wild honey. His dreads of hair hung over the back of his headrest and invaded themselves into my space. I was irritated as I paid for the 6 inch radius of space around me and now some bug-infested dread lock was staring me in the face. Along with John was his side kick, Stinky. Stinky had an incredible case of BO and his aroma saturated all of the air space on the closed up, air tight jet. It took everything in my not to heave. I am not exaggerating in the least. It was so strong I could hardly concentrate on the book I was attempting to read.

I was beginning to feel irritated with the aroma when all of sudden something caught my attention. I wasn't sure if I was actually hearing what I thought I was hearing. My ears tuned in and I looked over at Joanne. Her ears noticed simultaneously with mine and out of her mouth came, "Is that a cat?!". That's exactly what it was. A cat was being extradited to BC in a crate on board MY plane. And this cat was not happy. And yup, you guessed it, the cat remained unhappy for the entire flight. Digging my nails into the arm rest beside me, I concentrated very hard on something peaceful in calm. However, when the drink cart passed I contemplated tearing an aluminum pop can in half and slitting the cats throat. Slowly. Waiting for it to bleed out.

I was starting to get cold as we had turned the air ducts up on high in hopes to "blow" the aroma from John and Stinky. Joanne jumped up to grab my coat and carefully lowered it to me so as not to contaminate it with Stinky's uncombed hair. Don't get me wrong. I have absolutely nothing against hippies...it's just that I couldn't breathe. Anyways, pulling my hood over my face to drown out the noise of the cat and the overwhelming stench...a woman across the aisle began shushing her baby loudly. I don't know why she was shushing as I could NOT see a baby nor could I hear one crying. And I don't mean soft subtle shushing...I mean shushing that sounded like a river. And lot's of it. A big raging river.

Trying to block out the circus that surrounded us, I drifted off to sleep. Joanne was irritated as well as it was now 1 a.m. our time and the people on the plane...all of them...every single one of them were having candid conversations at an incredibly high volume. I am now asleep. I slept for approximately two minutes when I woke to the sound of the Bizarro John the Baptist and Stinky serenading the occupants of the plane. And worse yet, in those 2 short moments of napping, the plane began to ascend and my left ear was completely plugged. So to the sound of Come by Yah, I was now flirting with the idea of standing up and screaming STOP! But I was far too tired and my ear hurt. Looking at Joanne, I now knew she was as angry as I was. Is this some kind of foreshadowing for how the weekend will play out.

I thought nah, it's just the plane ride. However, when we arrived in our room at 2:30 a.m, I leaped on to my bed and leaned against the headboard. Of course, my series of unfortunate events had not ceased. Can this really be happening in my 5 star hotel? Dear God. It is definitely happening. I called to Joanne and she came out of the bathroom wondering what was wrong. I asked her to listen. She tipped her head back and started to laugh. "There's nothing wrong with people having sex, Andrea". That's right. My headboard was a rocking as someone was having a lot of fun on the other side of the wall. At that point I decided I was going to sleep.

We are off to have lunch now with one of our suppliers. We will eat healthy. We will shop. We will not bow our knees to the lure of chocolate, Crave Cupcakes or the sweet aroma of West Coast cuisine. Slaying the fat monster one day at a time....on the West Coast. Happy Friday!!

Sincerely,
Chunky

Day 66

66 days and counting!! First of all, I need to put you all at ease. Everything in regards to my business and career are stable so stop worrying. Secondly, I am only in the valley of decision as opportunities knock...and they always do. The question is...which ones do we take and which ones do we leave alone.

Right now I am listening to the constant drone of the dot matrix printers that are on over drive. AHHH! And of course, the physiotherapy student sitting next to me is telling me all about her bad knee, her surgery and well....I don't actually know as I am trying to blog and I am nodding and smiling and pretending to listen. I hope she isn't saying anything serious. Maybe when she realizes that I am not listening to her at all and that I am completely detached from the conversation and she will stop talking. And NO, I don't really care that your thigh is concave from some kind of surgery you had in Alberta because you are so athletic. And honestly, do you think I care so much that in the midst of all the busyness I want to hear more chatter. I can't even pretend to be interested anymore. Why are you talking to me?! Is there some sort of magnetic field that is drawing you to me? You tell me...what the heck is the deal?? And honestly, the announcer that sounds like a fairy princess from Disney World is getting on my nerves. Like seriously...did you take caffeine pills....and suck helium? Your voice is seriously annoying.

What is it about today? Do I have a "crazy" magnet in me? Everywhere Jo and I have been....all the crazies are talking to us and telling us their life stories. The waiter, the crazy Starbucks chick and the studious student in the green arm chair a stone's throw away from me. I am just not going to look anybody in the eye. I had to look away from the waiter...he wouldn't stop talking. And then he offered to lick up the beverage he dripped on the table...followed by an offer to give us a hug because he forgot to bring the beverage. Like...are you for real, buddy?

And now Jo is commentating her every move. And I am sitting here laughing ridiculously because Jo always makes fun of me for commentating and talking to myself while I work. And YES...we are working right now. Well, that's all you can do when you are waiting for transportation. Okay...I am blogging...and Jo is working.

Joanne has called me Scrooge as every announcement, ringing bell and rattling noise is making me very grumpy. I simply asked her where the frigging jingle bells noise was coming from. Turns out it's just some rattling decorative planes that are spinning round and round. I can't concentrate with all the racket. Can everybody just SHUT UP! Okay fine...I have griped and complained about every noise, announcement, bubbly worker that has passed by me. But it's past my bedtime and sometimes I just don't like people or being around them.

Anyways, on our way here...I read to Joanne. A friend of mine sent me a book that she wrote and well, being the nerd that I am, I had to read it. Joanne wanted me to read it to her (because she was driving)...so I did. It is a great book. All about the ups and downs of finding Mr. Right. It's a compilation of stories from women all over the country...the good, the bad and the ugly of dating. After reading some of the most hilarious experiences of women and men...we read some "sappy, mushy, over the top make me throw up in my mouth" stories. Some women are so stupid. They have this fairy tale idea of what marriage and love is. And I sure as heck am not going to listen to a 23 year old child tell me about true love. And yes, Joanne had to pull over so that I could throw up. The sappy mush was so thick that my stomach erupted. There is no such thing as Prince Charming!! I think Jo and I are going to write a book called, "Women Are So Stupid". And in it will be all the stories of stupid things women do all for the sake of a guy. Come on people!! We are not desperate here!!

I did not go to the gym today. My knee is not good and I have been ordered to keep weight off of it. No kneeling, no running, no nothing. How the heck am I going to shop and keep weight off of it. Ah!! And it's back to the physiotherapist on Monday. I did however eat according to my plan as I will not let a bad knee stop me from slaying the fat monster. It's so typical, just when I am doing great....boom....knee injury. But my PT assures me that if I listen to him that it will get better and I will be on my way again. And if I don't listen to him...I am basically screwed. Ahhh!

I think I am grumpy. I want a cookie.