Day 65: Part II

So...I am completely exhausted. However, I have much to share with you. It's a crazy roller coaster I ride some days. Sometimes you're up...sometimes you're down...sometimes your head is just spinning all around....that's me today!! And no, I did not go to the gym today. My knee is aching and I cannot keep my eyes open. And just fyi...Popeye lied when he said spinach makes you strong because I just had some for dinner and well...I am just as weak as ever. So, I am going to watch Dragon's Den...yes, I am actually watching tv. Something I never do. But today, I just can't do anything else. Dragon's Den and then bed.

Cheers!!

Day 65: Part I

My weight as of today is 157.5 lbs! Wooooo!!! I am pretty happy...I am just that much closer to my goal. I will have more for you later today. Since I have not slept since 2 a.m., I figure I will get some work done. Kraziness!!! I know!! I am never drinking a diet Pepsi before bed again. Yikes!!

Happy Wednesday to you!!! :)

PS- don't!

Don’t sleep in. Don’t pull your gym clothes out of the dryer before the buzzer goes because you are running late. Don’t pack your slightly damp gym clothes in your gym bag. Don’t leave your gym bag with your slightly damp gym clothes in the car when it’s -17 outside. Don’t work an extra long day without taking breaks while drinking 4 L of water. Don’t try to run to your car with a bad knee and legs that have retained water because you haven’t moved from your desk all freakin’ day. Don’t run down stairs with legs that feel like tree stumps. Don’t pull your stiff frozen gym clothes out of your gym bag minutes before your work out. Don’t put slightly frozen gym clothes on your warm body. Don't forget to warm up with stretches. Don’t work out on a bad knee with slightly frozen gym clothes. Don’t disobey your Physiotherapist. Don’t talk about a career change late at night with your husband when you are both exhausted. Don’t do laundry until 11:43 pm after you have worn frozen gym clothes and participated in a passionate discussion regarding your future while lugging around tree stump legs. Don’t drink a diet pepsi right before bed. Don’t take gravol and then try and blog. Don’t hold a pen in your mouth and drool all over your chin while trying to blog. I'm not saying I did any of these things...I just thought of some things I may or may not have done that I think is best to avoid. I have to pee now...and it’s off to bed.

Night!!!

(Okay fine!!! I did all these things! So take it from me...don't do it!!)

Day 64: The death of innocence...

The Physiotherapist's Report: Apparently, I have acute tendonitis in my right knee. Nothing life threatening...but definitely something that discourages running. My PT assures me it is fix-able. He also tells me that I need to take it easy for the next week. No running!! Ahhh!!! I am tempted to run on it anyways. And since he reads my blog, I am sure I will hear from him as soon as he reads this post!! Since I will be training for a marathon in June...I need to be running...a lot! And not a krazy marathon...a 10k marathon. That's achievable...right. So that means weight training 3 days per week and running the rest...with the exception of cheat day. My lungs are already burning....

Run run run...as fast as you can....mmmm...that just makes me want to eat a cookie...or it makes me think of the "runs". Not really what I was going for. Speaking of the "runs", I discovered this little jewel in Wal-mart almost two years ago. It is sometimes hard to find. But I tell you, it has made my life a whole lot easier. Since I drink 4 Litres of water per day, my bowels and bladder have really responded to it. Know what I'm sayin' foo? Anyways, I am in no way endorsing products but I can't help but tell you this little secret. It is a small blue bottle that completely eliminates any and all odors. That means, you can go...and not worry about leaving any evidence (the odor) of going. You can go anywhere and anytime...and no one will know. It's one of the best things ever and should be in every girl's "transform your life" kit. Trust me, if you start drinking 4 L of water per day...you will very quickly discover that nothing sticks to your insides anymore. And instead of lighting a match (which announces to the world that you've gone #2) you can use just a drop from this little blue bottle. Did I mention it fights nicely into a purse? (....these are a few of my favorite things.....rain drops on roses and whiskers on kittens....{I can't seem to get just a drop to rhyme with anything so the Sound of Music will have to do})

In regards to my career...well, it is still up in the air. Opportunity knocks...and right now it is knocking very loudly. To be honest, I may be on the edge or at least the doorway to one of my dreams. You know...one of those things on my bucket list. YES! I have a bucket list. Doesn't everybody? They say that we should write our goals down...on paper. Well....I am a complete nerd when it comes to those things and if you searched my desk you will find a recipe box full of index cards. On these index cards are my ideas....thoughts....dreams....notes about people (what they like, how they receive love...)....in fact, that little black box is basically the card catalogue of my mind. I don't recommend you delve into it as some go in...and never come out. (They're coming to take me away, ha-haaa!! They're coming to take me away, ho-ho, hee-hee, ha-haaa).

One of my dreams on my bucket list is to run a marathon. This is something I have only ever dreamed about....and now I am going to do it. What a grand day it will be when I cross that one off my list. Bigger busted women are not typically runners and it is certainly more challenging when you have a set of jugs getting in the way. Just try it. Try running without a bra on...that's how big busted women feel all the time. I think a couple of times I've even given myself a black eye or two.

Back to childhood again!! Yup...that cursed Barbie had more of an impact on me than I realized. She could run....and she could to it without even bending her knees. And her "girls" weren't moving anywhere. I despise Barbie and her long legs and perfect 'c' cup bust and her teeny tiny little waste. Come to think of it...I just recently released some childhood guilt about Barbie. When I played with Barbie...well...Ken and Barbie...they had a little bit of fun if you know what I mean. And it is only recently that I have learned that all my friends did the same thing with their Ken and Barbie. Why is it that we are only talking about Ken and Barbie's sex life now? In my Barbie house...well...they were very healthy. Here I thought it was my dirty little secret. And now Joanne tells me she did the same thing and so did everybody else. OMG!! What has Mattel got to say about that?? Porn Barbie...the downfall of generation x. I can't worry about it too much as the kids these days don't play with dolls anymore...they have video games...they have the Sims. And my daughter loves them. Of course, I had to ask her if the game was "appropriate". She assured me that there was no "sexing" in it. Is that what the kids are calling it these days? Sexing?? Playground talk...ack...spit...my innocent little baby girl knows what 'sexing' is......(a single tear rolls down my cheek). Life as I know it...is over. For I know what goes on in the minds of little girls....God..help me....I have witnessed the death of innocence.

Anyways...enough drama ..... my career...it weighs in the balance. And since I seem to have a habit of living on the edge...I am swayed in a certain direction. Stay tuned! I will keep you posted on the progress. In fact, I will arrive at a decision next week. I can't seem to wipe the smile off my face.... Yikes. Adrenaline junky to the core! Not the kind you think I am...not the daredevil...look death in the eye kind.........well...I kind of am. (snicker)

At this moment...I need the gym!!!!!!

Day 63:

My three month comittment is coming to an end. Three weeks away to the end of my first quarter. And with my trainer, I have now set my second goal. I am happily terrified about it and yet I am afraid to tell you (because that means I will have to do it). Okay...here it is....I will be training for a marathon in June. YIKES!! A chunky monkey cannot run a marathon. How the heck is that going to work? My trainer also told me I would have to be really really committed to eating clean. I didn't think it got much worse than this!! How do I eat more clean than I already am?? If I ever see another an of flavored tuna...IT WILL BE TOO SOON.

And to make matters worse...today I'm sporting a knee injury. Last Wednesday, I turned a little while doing squats and strained it. I treated it kindly on the weekend and the inflammation and swelling was completely gone by Sunday. So, it was just a tiny bit sore...so I figured it was safe and I ran on it. Apparently, that was a bad idea as today I am off to see the physiotherapist and it is really sore again. Live and learn I guess.

So, I have not gone to the gym today as of yet. I want to hear what the PT has to say. He already chastised me for running on my injured knee before he could assess it. Gosh....I am sure it is not very serious as I walk on it just fine. Perhaps, it is just a sign of age. Gawd! Did I say that out loud?? He also told me hat I should elevate it, wrap it and ice it on the weekend. I am ashamed to admit...I didn't do any of that. I just didn't run on it. I can't be at the Canada Cup and hobble around with a tensor bandage and a bag of ice. No fun!! Besides, it would be much easier to do that if I actually looked like an athlete. Until I achieve athlete status...there will be no "nursing wounds".

Anyways, I am off to see the PT. Gosh...I hope this is not one more hurdle for the chunky monkey to leap over....my legs are getting tired. And yes, I know walls are there to be climbed...but I am tired of climbing walls. I want to live on "easy street" for a while.

And besides, I have questioned my entire career today. I see big changes in my future. Stay tuned.

Sincerely,
Chunky Monkey

Day 62: Mobius Strip

Ever wish you could just have a do-over? Not a new "do"...not a different life...just a do-over. I think my life has been slightly misdirected at times. And since my hero of a husband just dug through a trash bag full of garbage to find my "writer's notes" (that someone accidentally threw out) that I had scribbled onto a piece of cardboard while unpacking Joanne's kitchen last night...I realize that I have embarked on an adventure on the mobius strip of life. (I can't believe he dug through a garbage bag for me. That's got to be a sign of true-love....right?)

Now, I am sure each one of us has had our fair share of carpet time. You know...that time in your life when you have a proverbial temper tantrum in the middle of your living room face down in the carpet. You know, the kind where your cry your eyes out and when you lift your face up there is a pool of snot and your eyes are swollen shut from the excess of tears and probably all the allergens in the carpet. It's the tantrum of all tantrums...the result of your resilient heart cracking under all the pressure. It's the moment when our "inner child" comes out. It is the worst of times but it is the best of times. Why? Because the airplane of life that we are on makes an emergency crash landing on the mobius strip of life. The scales fall from our eyes and we see things from an entirely different perspective. For me, it was learning how much I actually weighed. Well, that and the fact that I was going through a mid-life crisis at the fine age of 29. Don't worry...I am 32 now and I firmly believe that I am on my way up out of the pit. Somebody throw me a life line!!! Can you believe it has taken me 3 years to have a mid-life crisis, beat a drug problem, embrace my life and come to terms with the fact that I have to act healthy if I want to be healthy. Yeah...I know....it's pretty deep stuff....rocket science for that matter.

If you don't know what a mobius strip is...here is google's definition...."a continuous closed surface with only one si

de; formed from a rectangular strip by rotating one end 180 degrees and joining it with the other end."

In simplier terms.... If a person would walk along a mobius strip, they would walk the upside and the downside of the strip without ever crossing an edge and see all sides (perspectives) of what they were looking at. Check the picture out. A change of perspective is healthy...sometimes painful...but healthy.

The gym, eating and using self-control has forced me to discover different methods of coping with my feelings. Although, I occasionally choose to cope in "not so healthy" ways, I am definitely winning this battle. I have a few tricks up my sleeve which seem to help. Instead of seeking comfort food to make my sadness subside, my anxiety to rest or my weary body to persevere, I have discovered singing as a great way to...you know...cope. Who knew the battle with the fat monster would be so life altering and so very musical?? (not to mention annoying for the people around me). Some people snort cocaine...I sing. Not the same kind of high...but singing will have to do for now.

So, since I have resorted to singing...ok...I only just discovered this last night...but who are you to judge me?? And so what if I am singing in the shower or anywhere else for that matter...it's just like singing in the rain...with the exception of it being warmer...more private....and..well...I'm naked. But, it's pretty much the same thing!! Again...it's a mobius strip sort of thing.

So, since Jo is in the midst of moving, we unpacked her entire kitchen yesterday. And unfortunately for her, I commentate my every move. Yup...every single thing I do. I was unaware of my irritating little habit until Joanne so graciously pointed it out to me. Wow! I AM my mother's daughter....god help me! And I'm wondering...how many calories does one burn while singing and unpacking?

So, being that we were both entirely exhausted....well....we sang as we unpacked. The prelude to my 'dusting' of a candle started out in a high octave...opera style...."the candle is dusty'....I stated it...I announced it.....and in a forlorn devastating voice...Joanne would sing it again and it would have a totally different meaning. It was like she was sad and heartbroken that the candle was dusty. And breaking into theatrical style unpacking, she grabbed a stool and sang..."this is a stool"....and I asked her "a stool for which to sit upon?". At that point we realized that we were completely overtired and laughing at things that probably weren't that funny. Forgetting that she has neighbors on both sides of her condo...well...her neighbours got their own taste of Joandrea Theatre Inc. last night. Again...the mobius strip...the up-side of unpacking while being exhausted.

And after I found a spare screw laying on the kitchen counter, I decided that I would put it away in her screw kit. When she discovered what I was doing...she exclaimed, "I don't like random screws". LOL! Glad to know that Jo! I am sure you can imagine how quickly our conversation fell into the gutter after that. Another mobius strip moment.

Anyways, with all that said...and to make a long story even longer..........I have come to some conclusions about my struggle to be fit and my struggle to find happiness. There are some milestones besides weight loss that I would like to reach while on my journey to be fit. I want to leave a legacy. What will people remember about me when my heart no longer beats? I must create a plan so that I can leave a legacy...a legacy that matters.

1. I will strive to make a significant difference in someone's life. I will give to them. Love them. Support them. Care for them. Pray for them. Be there for them. This experience has already begun to take place and it is transforming my heart. I believe it is so important to supply "more than enough" to someone who crosses my path in this life. Someone who just needs someone else to believe in them. "There is always an outward demonstration of an inward knowing". I am trying to look at people from a different perspective....I know...I know...I'm repeating myself but this again is a mobius strip.

2. I will strive to respond to people rather than react to them. I will base this response on what I believe about them and not base it on their performance. (mobius strip...again).

3. I will have a determined, stubborn, tenacious stand when it comes to standing up for what is pure, holy, honest, just and of good report. In other words, I will be loyal and defend those who I call friend. Even unto death.

4. I will embrace confidence that is born of humility and not born of arrogance. "Humility is to make a right estimate of one's self." ~Charles Haddon Spurgeon (Mobius strip)

5. And finally, yet my outer person is in the beginning stages of decline, I will renew my inner person daily. I will be the change that I want to see in the world. I will not lose heart. I will not grow weary in well-doing. (Mobius Strip)

And so...the gym is not so bad....eating clean...not so bad....life itself.....not so bad. I am open to my plane landing on the mobius strip of life at any moment. A different perspective...didn't my trainer tell me that gym time....is my time. (mobius strip).

Night!!

Day 58: Chunky Monkey Goes To The Canada Cup

Hi! This chunky monkey is off to the Canada Cup for a couple of days. I will update you all when I get back. Intercede for me! I don't want to get fat in the Hat.

Cheers,

Chunky